This one will seigh you

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Q : What do reindeer always say before telling you a joke?
A : This one will “sleigh” you!

Ball Point Gorilla

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Q :What’s black, hairy, and writes under water?
A : A ball-point gorilla!

Ferret favourite song

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Q: What is a ferret’s favorite song?
A: Dook, dook, dook, dook of Earl…

Students of new age

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Teacher: U idiots! At your age Einstein ranked first in class.
What about you?

 Student teacher

Student: Sir at your age Hitler committed suicide..!
What about you?

Girl friend like alligator

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Q: What do you get a girl that likes crocodiles?
A: All I got her is shoes.

Shark cross the road

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Q: Why did the shark cross the road?
A: To get to the other tide!

Alligator at dinner

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Q: What’s worse than one alligator coming to dinner?
A: Two alligators coming to dinner

Miserable guy in the bar

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A guy rushes into a bar, orders four expensive 30-year-old single malts and has the bartender line them up in front of him.

Then without pausing, he quickly downs each one. “Whew”, the bartender remarked, “you seem to be in a hurry.”
Beer-bar

“You would be too if you had what I have.”

“What do you have?” the bartender sympathetically asked.

“Fifty cents.”

Call a Spy Frog

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Q :What do you call a frog spy?
A :A croak and dagger agent!

Stripey sweater

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Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep?
A: A stripey sweater!

Lion eaten your mother

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Q: What do you call a lion who has eaten your mother’s sister?
A: An aunt-eater!

Nobody’s herd

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Q: What happened to the lost cattle?
A: Nobody’s herd.

Hop-scotch

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Q :What do drunk toads play?
A :Hop-scotch

Stupid One

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Q: When does a giraffe have 8 legs?
A: When there are two of them!

Owl with a carrot

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Q: What do you call a Owl with a carrot in each ear?
A: Anything you want as he can’t hear you!

Tusk fairy.!

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Q :What grey, has a wand, huge wings and gives money to elephants?
A :The tusk fairy!

Dowm in mouth

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Q: How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow?
A: Down in the mouth!

one night challenge for man

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According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa’s reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl. We should’ve known… ONLY women would be able to drag a fat jolly old man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

Dinasour’s crashes the car

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Q: What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars ?
A: Tyrannosaurus wrecks !

Dinosaur floats

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Q: How do you make a dinosaur float?
A: Put a scoop of ice cream in a glass of root beer, and add one dinosaur !

Shell-arious ones

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Q: What kind of jokes do sea turtles tell?
A: Shell-arious ones!

Long distance caw

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Q :Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
A :He wanted to make a long distance caw.

Time to go home

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A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar and orders a double martini on the rocks.

After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini.

Tavern

The bartender says, “Look, buddy, I’ll bring ya’ martinis all night long but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill.”

The customer replies, “I’m peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it’s time to go home.”

BMW is less smarter

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Q: What’s the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?

A: The pricks are on the outside on a porcupine!

2013 which dunya khtm?

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Santa: graduation karan toh bad dobara nursery di padhai start kar denda hai?
Banta: nusrsery di padhai Q kar riha h?
Santa: 2013 wich duniya khatam h…me sochiya hune to padhai start kar dwan

At the South Pole

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Q: Where do penguins go swimming?
A: At the South Pool!

Cross platypus

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Q: What do you get when you cross a platypus with a king-sized dinner?

A: A fatty-pus.

Sheeps are such a bad drivers

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Q: Why are sheep baaaaaad drivers?
A: They always make illegal ewe turns.

Brachiosaurus in bed with you?

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Q. How do you know if there is a Brachiosaurus in bed with you?
A. By the dinosnores.

Cross snake and frog

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Q :What do you get when you cross a snake and a frog?
A :A jumprope!

A Guy walks in a bar with his pet Monkey

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A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he’s drinking it the monkey jumps around all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy, “Did you see what your monkey just did?” The guy says, “No, what?” “He just ate the cue ball off my pool table, whole!”, says the bartender. “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replied the patron. “He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I’ll pay for the cue ball and stuff.” He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he’s in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. “Did you see what your monkey did now?”, he asks. “Now what?”, responds the patron. “Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!” says the barkeeper. “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replied the patron. “He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!”

Camooflauged

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Q: What do you call a cow you can’t see?
A: Camooflauged.