Dinosaur go extinct

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Q: Why did the dinosaurs go extinct?
A: Because they wouldn’t take a bath!

My lawyer cheats me

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Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury acquitted him. Later that day Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing.
“Your honor,” he said, “I wanna get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine.”
“Why ?” asked the judge.
“He won your acquittal. What do you want to have him arrested for ?”
“Well, your honor,” replied Carlson,
“I didn’t have the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the car I stole.”

Hippo cross the road

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Q: Why did the hippo cross the road?
A: To prove to the possum that it could be done!

Shark favourite doustin

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Q: What is a sharks favorite Dustin Hoffman Film
A: Midnight Caudal

Top 20 funny quotes

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[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried – but they wanted cash.

[5] Don’t feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

[6] Don’t marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you’ll regret it later.

[7] You can’t buy love, but you pay heavily for it.

[8] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

[9] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

[10] Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.

[11] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I’m wrong and she agrees with me.

[12] Those who can’t laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

[13] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

[14] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

[15] You’re getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.

[16] It doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

[17] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

[18] It’s funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It’s like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

[19] There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.

[20] There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it!

Naked Horse

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Q: Why was the horse naked?
A: Because the jockey fell off.

Bihari in Cenima

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A Bihari goes to a movie hall and asks for two tickets,Do tho
ticket dena, the person at the window tells him that there is a house
full, so this Bihari says koi baat nahin do house full de do.

Afraid of getting toad

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Q :Why didn’t the frog park on the side of the road?
A :He was afraid of getting toad!

Red nosed reindeer

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Q : Why did Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer cross the road?
A : Because he was tied to a chicken!

Catch a Rich Squirrel

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Q: How do you catch a rich squirrel?
A: Climb a tree and act like a cashew.

blind sparrows

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Q: Where do blind sparrows go for treatment?
A: The Birds Eye counter!

Bullshit

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Q: What family does Maiasaur belong to?
A: I don’t think any families in our neighborhood have one!

Stand up comedy

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Q: Why doesn’t anybody like the stand-up comedy of Margaret Shark? A: She bites!

Mechanically inclined Squirrel

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Q: How do you catch a mechanically inclined squirrel?
A: Climb a tree and act like a 9/16 12N nut.

So Darn Stupid

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Q: Why does it take more than one squirrel to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Because they’re so darn stupid!

Half chicken cross the road

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Q: Why did half a chicken cross the road?
A: To get to its other side!

Girl wedds with invisible man

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Q :Why did the girl Gorilla, engaged to the invisible man, call off the wedding?
A : Because in the last analysis she just couldn’t see it!

Egg crisize

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Q: How do chickens get strong?
A: Egg-cersize.

Long Turtle

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Q: What do you call a turtle with 6 feet?
A: A 6-foot turtle.

Baseball player with Frog

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Q :What do you get when you cross a baseball player with a frog?
A :An outfielder who catches flies and then eats them.

Frogs favourite game

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Q :Whats a frogs favorite game?
A :It’s croak-et!

Compass

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Q: What do you call a donkey with built-in GPS?
A: Comp-ass.

Make shark laugh

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Q: How do you make a shark laugh?
A: Tell a whale of a tale.

Pickup truck

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A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of platypus’. He pulls the guy over and says… “You can’t drive around with platypus’ in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately.” The guy says “OK”… and drives away. The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of platypus’, and they’re all wearing sun glasses. He pulls the guy over and demands… “I thought I told you to take these platypus’ to the zoo yesterday?” The guy replies… “I did . . . today I’m taking them to the beach!”

Bull-Dozer

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Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bulldozer

Potty-pus

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Q: What do you get when you cross a toilet and a platypus?
A: A potty-pus

Neigh buzz

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Q: What do you get if you cross a horse with a bee?
A: Neigh buzz

Elephants afraid of cheetahs

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Q :Why don’t elephants like playing cards in the jungle?
A :Because of all the cheetahs!

A begal

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What do you call a seagull when it flies over the bay?
A bagel.

The guys was right

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Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too. “Hey, I don’t want to tell you how to do something … but I can tell you that it’s much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won’t dig into the ground.” After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it. A little while later one hunter said to the other, “You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!” “Yeah, but we’re getting farther from the truck,” the other added.

Tiger Eat Lion

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Q: Would you rather have a tiger eat your or a lion?
A: I would rather have a tiger eat a lion.