The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a ferret walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn’t believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the ferret’s mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!” “Not really,” said the ferret. “Your name is written inside the cover.”
Q: What did the grape say when the platypus stood on it?
A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
A policeman caught a nasty little Australian boy with a BB gun in one hand and a koala in the other. “Now Listen here,” the policeman said, “Whatever you do to that poor, defenseless creature I shall personally do to you” “In that case,” said the boy. “I’ll kiss it’s butt and let it go”
Q: What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor?
A: Ground Beef
Q: How does an otter get into an honest business?
A: Usually through the skylight.
Q: What kind of shark is always quoting Shakespeare?
A: A bard shark
Q: What do you get when you cross a dog and a calculator?
A: A friend you can count on.
Q: What do you call an Badger with a carrot in each ear? A: Anything you want as he can’t hear you!
Q :Why did both Germany and the U.S want to hire Apes during World War Two?
A : Because they are excellent at waging Gorilla warfare!
Q: How do you drive a ferret crazy?
A: Give him a round litter pan.
A guy walks into a bar and there’s a horse serving drinks.
The horse asks, “What are you staring at?”
Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?”
The guy says, “It’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”
Q: What did the rabbits do after their wedding?
A: They went on their bunnymoon!
Q: Why did the dog cross the road?
A: To get to the “barking” lot!
Q: Why did the chick disappoint his mother?
A: He wasn’t what he was cracked up to be!
Q: What’s a shark favorite substance?
Q :Why did the elephant go in the mens restroom?
A :To get some nuts
Q: why did the mommy shark and daddy shark get divorced
A: they no longer loved each other
Math Teacher :
If a=b and b=c then a=c,
now give me the practical example of this principle from real life.
I love you sir
and you love your daughter
which means I love your daughter.
Q :Teacher: “Where would you find an elephant?”
A:Pupil:”You don’t have to find them, they’re too big to lose!”
Q. How can you tell if there is a dinosaur in bed with you?
A. By the `D’ on his pajamas.
Q: How do monkeys get down the stairs?
A: They slide down the banana-ster!
Q: What do you get when you cross a gator and a poison frog?
A: A croak-odile.
Psychiatrist: What seems to be the problem?
Patient: I think I’m a chicken.
Psychiatrist: How long as this been going on?
Patient: Ever since I came out of my shell.
Q :What is an elephants favorite sport?
Q: Why did the dog need help on his Pros and Cons chart?
A: He was CON-fused!
Q: Did you hear about the blonde water-polo player?
A: His horse drowned
Q: What do you call a rooster who wakes you up at the same time every morning?
A: An alarm cluck!
Q: What did the polar bear say when it saw the igloo?
A: “Oooo! I LOVE these things! Crunchy on the outside – with a nice chewy center!”
Q :What do you call a Spanish goat with no back legs?
Q :What do you call an elephant with a rabbit up it’s sweater?
Q: Did you hear about the rich rabbit?
A: He was a millionhare!
Q: What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time?
A: Sandy Claws!
Q: Why did the parrot wear a raincoat?
A: Because she wanted to be a Polly unsaturated!
Q: What’s smarter than a talking parrot?
A: A spelling bee
Q: What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye?
A: CHICKEN CAESER SALAD (CHICKEN SEES A SALAD)