* There is a sale on any item, you buy 100 of them.

* You make tea in a saucepan.

* You never buy bin bags, but use your saved grocery bags for it.

* You put your clothes in suitcases instead of wardrobes.

* You have a ‘Singer Brother’ sewing machine at home.

* Your mother has a minor disagreement with her sister and doesn’t talk to her for ten years.

* You call an older person you’ve never met before “uncle”.

* You hide everything from your parents.

* Your mother does everything for you if you are male.

* You do all the housework and cooking if you are female.

* Your relatives alone could populate a small city.

* Everyone is a family friend.

* Everyone always called you for help on homework.

* You read law, medicine or engineering at university.

* You were thick so you read computer science or business instead.

* You know no one who has read music.

* You went to a university as far away from home as possible.

* You still came back home to live with your parents after you had finished.

* Your best friend got married at the age of 16.

* You only make telephone calls after 6pm.

* You like the meat well done.

* You eat onions with everything.

* You use chilli sauce instead of tomato ketchup.

* You fight over who pays the dinner bill.

* You say you hate Indian films(/songs) but secretly watch(/hear) them with your parents.

* You teach Westerners swearwords in your language.

* You order Indian food in your own language to impress the people you’re with but the waiters don’t understand you.

* You avoid public places when with a member of the opposite sex, especially if there is an acquaintance within a 250 miles radius.

* You always say “open the light” instead of “turn the light on”.

* You secure your baggage with a rope.

* You’re walking out of customs with your trolley at the airport and you see all twenty-five members of your family who have come to pick you up.

* You get very upset when airlines refuse to accept your luggage which is just 80 lbs. overweight.

* You go back to your parents’ country and people treat you like a member of the royal family.

* You ask your dad a simple question and he tells you story of how he had to walk miles barefoot just to get to school.

* To your American friends, oil is used purely for cooking and not as a grooming aid.

* Your parents have nicknames but only because people they work with just stop when trying to read their names.

* Your parents call all your friends “Beta” whether they are Indian or not.

* If you aren’t married and you turn 25, your parents start wringing their hands and proclaim that it’s too late.

* You are sick and tired of answering questions about “the dot”.

* Your friends could not explain your religion to someone if they tried.

* You could not explain your religion to someone if you tried.

* Your parents push the concept of an arranged marriage on you and try and demonstrate how well it works whenever they’re not fighting.

* You notice that whenever you go to another Indian’s house, your parents always talk about businesses… especially if they’re for sale.

* The second you pull out of someone’s driveway, your parents start talking about them.

* Your parents worry what other people will think if you’re not going to be a doctor/lawyer/engineer.

* You’re parent’s always say, “It’s cheaper in India”