Rules for Guaranteed Promotion
Never walk without a document in your hands
People with documents in their hand look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they’re heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they’re heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.
Use computers to look busy
Any time you use a computer, it looks like “work” to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren’t exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about but they’re not bad either. When you get caught by your boss – and you *will* get caught — your best defense is to claim you’re teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training dollars.
Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like we’re not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year’s work looks the same as today’s work; it’s volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you’ll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.
Never answers your phone if you have voice mail. People don’t call you just because they want to give you something for nothing – they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That’s no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they’re not there – it looks like you’re hardworking and conscientious even though you’re being a devious weasel.
Looking Impatient and Annoyed
According to George Costanza, one should also always try to look impatient and annoyed to give your bosses the impression that you are always busy.
Leave the Office Late
Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the boss’ room on your way out. Send important emails at unearthly hours (e.g. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.) and during public holidays.
Creative Sighing for Effect
Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you are under extreme pressure.
It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor etc. (thick computer manuals are the best).
Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember: They don’t have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive.
DON’T forward this to your boss by mistake!!!
very good thinking.
impressive creation 🙂
As this is December and in most of the organizations it is time of appraisal and getting promoted.
so this will help most of the group member.
I say thanx to the orginator of the email.
God bless u n ur family and loved ones
WOW I LOVE IT , IT’S WONDERFUL…….AND USEFUL. THANKS ALOT TO THE WRITER AND YES I WON’T FORWARD IT TO MY BOSS (BY MISTAKE)
this is good to read and i have practiced before it looks like very effective if you boss not read this
Very nice, excellent thinking!!
This will helps most of us
it make my permotion
it is really creative thinking
Again i thanks…….
i think its nice well m a student now ba i’ll apply it in my practical life coz and i’ll work hard too then people’ll call me Champ!!!!
thanks for the suggestions
i lov everything abt this sitè. all funny
you gave us realy nice suggestion
thanx buddy i think it will help me too
thank you sooooooooooooooo much this will help us
The tips are really working.But one should use them very smartly and he/she should be a good actor to play this role.Then the Promotion for sure!!!!
nice rules for promotion……
You are right sir, but this thing is not applicable in pakistani cultural, in pakistani cultural you have to do one thing. 1, TC of your Boss and the end result you are promoted to your required Job, but never Do this because i don,t like this, thanks
For Promotion Few rules are not applyable every time for example leaving office late time. may b or mostly you have to reach some where and your home is far away from office. secondly putting lot of paper on table may show this that you are lazy and your haven,t finish your work, Looking Impatient and Annoyed may result that you are every time like this and taking tension
you could at least give credit to who wrote this, Scott Adams. PLAGARISM IS NOT FUNNY.
Anthropology demands the open-mindedness with which one must look and listen, record in astonishment and wonder that which one would not have been able to guess.
some people didn’t hard worker but there get permotion and incresed the salary atleast 30% and some of people are hardworker and not look this kind of thinks there are no permotion just 5% to 10% incresed the salary…..?
It is followed by many successful managers.
funny and true, love it
this is absolutely correct
Funny but is true sometimes reality can vbe stranger than fiction
This is great, it’s nice to see a new take on topics that would otherwise be serious discussions. Funny, good work.
it’s amazing. I like it
So it’s all pretending to be busy and workoholic. And i think if we could give some little bit amout of work than promotion is for sure.