Q: What happens when your kids want to buy a tortoise?
A: You shell out a lot of money.

Q: What do you call a truck-load of tortoises crashing into a train-load of terrapins?
A: a turtle disaster.

Q: Why did the turtle cross the road?
A: To get to the shell station!

Q: What do you call a turtle with 6 feet?
A: A 6-foot turtle.

Q: What does a turtle need to ride a bike?
A: A shellmet.

Q: What do you get if cross a Turtle with a Giraffe?
A: A Turtle-Neck

Q: What do you call a sea turtle that flies?
A: A shell-icopter!

Q: What did the cow say to the turtle?
A: Get a moove on

Q: What does a turtle do on it’s birthday?
A: It shellebrates!

Q: What do you call a turtle with a hard on?
A: A slow poke.

Q: What do you get when you cross a turtle and a flu shot?
A: a slow-poke.

Q: Where do you send turtles who commit crimes?
A: To the shell-block.

Q: What do you call a famous turtle?
A: A shellebrity.

Q: What does a turtle do during winter?
A: Sit by the fire and worm himself up.

Q: What kind of jokes do sea turtles tell?
A: Shell-arious ones!

Q: Why is turtle wax so expensive?
A: Because their ears are so small!

Q: What happens when you get into fight with a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle?
A: You get shell shocked.

Q: What kind of photos does a turtle take?
A: Shellfies.

Q: What do turtles use to communicate?
A: A shellphone!

Q: What is a Leatherback Sea Turtles favorite sandwich?
A: Peanut butter and jellyfish.

Q: What happens when you bring a turtle to a party?
A: It becomes a shellebration.