Q: Where do you find polar bears?
A: It depends on where you lost them.

Q: Polar bear cubs are born wet, naked, and in an icy cave. Then what happens?
A: Things get worse!

A Polar bear walks into a restaurant in Churchill and says to the waiter, “I’ll have a seal steak . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and a side order of lemmings.” The waiter says….”What’s with the big pause?” The bear replies, “I don’t know… but my father had them, too!”

The devout eskimo lost his favorite Bible while he was ice fishing. Three weeks later, a baby polar bear walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The eskimo couldn’t believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the polar bear’s mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!” “Not really,” said the baby polar bear. “Your name is written inside the cover.”

A papa polar bear, a mama polar bear, and a baby polar bear got stranded on an ice-floe and drifted out to sea. They decided to tell stories to pass the time. Papa told his favorite story about the time he outwitted a hunter. Mama told a story about the time she tricked a seal into coming for lunch. Then Papa turned to the baby bear. “What’s your story, son?” he asked. The baby bear shivered. “My tail’s told!” he replied.

Q: What did the polar bears say when they saw tourists in sleeping bags?
A: “Sandwiches!”

Q: What do polar bears like to eat?
A: Brrrrrrrritos.

Q: What do you call a polar bear on thin ice?
A: an ice breaker

Q: What do you get if you cross a polar bear and a harp seal?
A: A bear faced lyre!

Q: What did the polar bear put on the sign when seals were very scarce?
A: “Tourists Welcome!”

Q: Why don’t polar bears like fast food?
A: Because they can’t catch it!

Q: How do you put a polar bear into a refrigerator?
A: It’s easy – just open the door. Polar bears like cold places.

Q: What did the polar bear eat after the dentist fixed its tooth?
A: The dentist.

An Arctic explorer came face to face with a polar bear. Afraid of being eaten, he fell to his knees and started praying. When the polar bear knelt down beside him and started praying too, the man shouted, “It’s a miracle!” The polar bear opened one eye and said “Don’t talk while I’m saying grace.”

Q: What are polar bears called when they get caught in the rain?
A: Drizzly bears.

Q: What’s a balanced diet for a polar bear?
A: A seal in each paw!

Q: What did the Polar Bear say when it saw a seal on a skateboard?
A: “Meals on Wheels!”

Q: Why do polar bears like bald men?
A: Because they have a great, white, bear (uh…bare) place!

Q: What has four legs and a flipper?
A: A happy polar bear!

Q: When is a polar bear not a polar bear?
A: When it’s in a “grizzly” mood.

Q: Why shouldn’t you take polar bears to the zoo?
A: Because they’d rather go to the movies.

Q: What did the polar bear say when it saw the igloo?
A: “Oooo! I LOVE these things! Crunchy on the outside – with a nice chewy center!”

Q: What do you call a dream in which polar bears are attacking you?
A: A bitemare!

Q: How does a polar bear stop a VCR?
A: It just presses the “paws” button.

Q: What did the polar bear say after a winter of feeding on seals?
A: “I think I’d like a salad!”

Q: What do you call a polar bear wearing earmuffs?
A: Call it anything you want – it can’t hear you.

Q: Why did the polar bear cross the road?
A: to get some bearrys

Q: What to polar bears eat for lunch?
A: Ice berg-ers!

Q: Why would polar bears be cheap to keep as pets?
A: They live on ice!

Q: How do you keep a polar bear from charging?
A: Insist that it pay cash!

Q: What do you get when you cross a polar bear with a seal?
A: A polar bear.

Q: What do you get when you cross a polar bear with a rose?
A: I’m not sure – but I wouldn’t try smelling it!

Q: What do polar bears like to eat in the cold?
A: A “brrr”-“grrr”!