Q: What do you call a reptile that works on a farm?
A: An irri-gator.

Q: What do you call an alligator that makes others fight?
A: An Instigator.

Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A: An Investigator

Q: Why won’t alligators attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy!

Q: Did you hear about the law firm with the most intimidating lawyers?
A: It’s filled with liti-gators.

There was once a millionaire who collected a large amount of alligators as pets. One day when he held a party he came up with a proposition. He said if anyone could swim across the alligator infested pool and emerge unharmed he would pay them $1 million or give them his daughter, a supermodel.
Immediately after he finished saying this he heard a splash and the entire crowd watched and cheered as the young man swam quickly across the pool, and emerged unharmed.
The millionaire was amazed but said that he would hold up his end of the bargain.
“Well”, he said,”do you want the $1 million or my daughter? The young man answered, “Sir, I don’t want your money or your daughter, I just want to know who the hell bastard pushed me into that pool.”

Q: What do you call an alligator that sneaks up and bites you from behind?
A: A tail-gater.

Q: What is an alligators favorite smell?
A: Human blood.

Q: What’s the similarity between a Alligator and Windows?
A: Neither of them has enough bytes!

At an army training camp in Florida, the Seargent is giving a talk: “The main quality we look for in this army is commitment and this is what I call commitment.” An alligator came in the room and bit the seargents penis. It stayed there for about a 10 seconds then the seargent poked it in the eyes and kicked it off. “Now who’s ready to show their commitment?” said the Seargent. A man put his hand up and said “I will, but promise you won’t poke me in the eyes.”

Q: What do yuppie alligators like to drink
A: Jaw-va

Q: What do you call a thieving alligator?
A: A crookodile

Q: What do you get a girl that likes crocodiles?
A: All I got her is shoes.

Q: What’s worse than one alligator coming to dinner?
A: Two alligators coming to dinner

A man was on holiday in the depths of Louisiana, where he tried to buy some Alligator shoes. However he was not prepared to pay the high prices, and after having failed to haggle the vendor down to a reasonable price level, ended up shouting “I don’t give two hoots for your shoes man, I’ll go and kill my own “croc!,” to which the shopkeeper replied, “by all means, just watch out for those two “ole boys” who are doing the same!”. So the man went out into the Bayou, and after a while saw two men with spears, standing still in the water. ‘They must be the ‘ole boys’ he thought. Just at that point he noticed an alligator moving in the water towards one of them. The guy stood completely passive, even as the gator came ever closer. Just as the beast was about to swallow the him, he struck home with his spear and wrestled the gator up onto the beach, where several already laying Together the two guys threw the gator onto its back, where-upon one exclaimed “Darn! This one doesn’t have any shoes either!”.

A guy walks into a bar with a crocodile. The bartender goes, “You can’t bring that animal in here!” But the guy says, “Hey, he does tricks. Watch!” He taps on the crocodile’s head, and the beast opens its mouth. The guy unzips his pants, whips out his vulnerable member, and puts it in the crocodile’s mouth. Then he taps on the crocodile’s head again, and the beast closes its mouth. Everyone in the bar is aghast. The guy gets his penis out, and he goes, “I’ll give 100 bucks to anyone who can do that.” Everyone is really, really quiet. Suddenly, a drunk shouts, “I… I think I can do that. But I don’t think I can leave my mouth open that long!”

Q: What do you call a man too big for an alligator to eat?
A: a jawbreaker.

Q: How many arms has a alligator got?
A: Depends how far he has got with eating his dinner!

Q: Did you hear about the crocodile who became a congressman?
A: He was an expert dele-gator.

A man walked into a Florida bar with his alligator and asked the bartender:
“Do you serve lawyers here?”
“Sure.” Good.
One beer for me and a lawyer for my alligator.”

A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar and turns to the astonished patrons.

“I’ll make you a deal. I’ll open this alligator’s mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He’ll then open his mouth, and I’ll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.”

The crowd murmurs their approval. The man stands up on the bar, drops his trousers, and places his privates in the alligator’s open mouth. The gator closes his mouth as the crowd gasps. After a minute, the man grabs a beer bottle and raps the alligator hard on the top its head. The gator opens his mouth, and the man removes his genitals, unscathed, as promised. The crowd cheers, and he receives the first of his free drinks.

The man stands up again and makes another offer: “I’ll pay anyone $100 who’s willing to give it a try.”

A hush falls over the crowd. A moment later, a hand goes up in the back of the bar.

“I’ll try,” says a small woman, “but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle.”

Q: What’s the similarity between a Alligator and Windows?
A: Neither of them has enough bytes!

Q: Why shouldn’t you shoot an alligator?
A: He’ll just bite the bullet and make the best of it.

Q: Why are alligators comedians so funny?
A: Their wit is as razor sharp as their teeth!

A student named Jacob was sitting in class one day and the teacher walked by and he asked her “How do you put an elephant in the fridge?” The teacher said “I don’t know, how?” Jacob then said “You open the door and put it in there!” Then Jacob asked the teacher another question “How do you put a girraffe in the fridge?” The teacher then replied “Ohh I know this one, you open the door and put it in there?” Jacob said “No, you open the door, take the elephant out, and then you put it in there.” Then he asked another question…”All the animals went to the lions birthday party, except one animal, which one was it?” The teacher a bit confused and said “The lion?” Then the student said “No,the girraffe because he’s still in the fridge.” then he asked her just one more question….”If there is a river full of alligators and you wanted to get across it,how would you” The teacher then says “You would walk over the bridge.” Then Jacob says “No, you would swim across because all the alligators are at the lions birthday party!” She laughs and walks away.

Q: What was the nerd alligators favorite programming language
A: Jaw-va

Q: Why shouldn’t you taunt an alligator?
A: Because it might come back to bite you in the end.

Q: How many arms has a alligator got?
A: Depends how far he has got with eating his dinner!

Q: What do alligators call human children?
A: Appetizers.

Q: What’s the difference between a dog and a gator?
A: One’s bark is worst than his bite.

One day, a very rich man announced in a party that if any person present in the party dares to swim across the swimming pool which has more than twenty crocodiles, he will be awarded with either half of the rich man’s property or his beautiful daughter. After a period of silence, the rich man saw a young man splashed into the pool swimming as fast as he can, with all his efforts, saving himself from the crocodiles. And at last, he survived through the pool. Everybody started clapping. The rich man was overjoyed with the young man’s bravery. He congratulated him and then asked what do you want, my property or daughter. To this, the man replied, “Sir, neither I want your property, nor your daughter, I just want the man who threw me in the water.”

Q: What do alligators drink before a race?
A: Gator-Ade.

Q: What do you call a crocodile with GPS?
A: A Navi-gator.

Q: Why don’t alligators like fast food?
A: Because they can’t catch it!

Q: Who gives alligators presents on Christmas?
A: Santa Jaws!