Leave his momma

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Q: Why didn’t the baby leave his momma?
A: Because he couldn’t bear it!

Moody Cow

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Q: What do you get if you cross an angry sheep and a moody cow?
A: An animal that’s in a baaaaaaaad moooooood.

Teenage mutant ninja turtle

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Q: What happens when you get into fight with a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle?
A: You get shell shocked.

Meals on Wheels

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Q: What did the Polar Bear say when it saw a seal on a skateboard?
A: “Meals on Wheels!”

Jumbo Jet

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Q :What do you call an elephant that flies?
A :A jumbo jet!

Raining cats and dogs

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Q: What happens when a dog chases a cat into a geysur?
A: It starts raining cats and dogs.

Spring chicken

1 Star2 Star3 Star4 Star5 Star (4 votes, average: 3.25 out of 5)
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Q: Did you hear about the chicken who could only lay eggs in the winter?
A: She was no spring chicken.

World Weakest Animal

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Q :Whats the world weakest animal?
A :A toad, he croaks if you even touch him!

Red nosed pickels

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Q : What’s red and green and guides Santa’s sleigh?
A : Rudolph the red-nosed pickle!

Milk Dude

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Q: What do you call a cow that doesn’t give milk?
A: A MILK DUD!

Fashionable hippopotamus

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Q: What do you call a fashionable hippopotamus?
A: A hippo-ster.

Croakus

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Q: What’s a toads favorite flower?
A: A croakus!

Spastic Goat

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Q :What do you call a spastic goat?
A :Billy the kid.

Koala-field

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Q: Why did the manager hire the marsupial?
A: Because he was koala-fied.

Blind Jockey in a race

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blind jockey

A jockey is about to enter an race on a new horse. The horse’s trainer meets him before the race and says, “All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, ‘ALLLLEEE OOOP!’ really loudly in the horse’s ear. Providing you do that, you’ll be fine.”

The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer’s ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers “Aleeee ooop” in the horse’s ear. The same thing happens – the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, “It’s no good, I’ll have to do it,” and yells, “ALLLEEE OOOP!” really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third.

The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong. The jockey replies, “Nothing is wrong with me – it’s this bloody horse. What is he – deaf or something?”

The trainer replies, “Deaf? Deaf?! He’s not deaf. He’s blind!” 😀 😀

Lick his own dick

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Q: Why does a dog lick his own dick?
A: Because he cant make a fist

Unique up on it

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Q: How do you catch a unique bird?
A: Unique up on it.

Bear like Bald man

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Q: Why do polar bears like bald men?
A: Because they have a great, white, bear (uh…bare) place!

Penguin In a Gas station

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A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. While doing thisthe clerk spots two penguins sitting on the back seat of the car. He asks the driver, “What’s up with the penguins in the back seat?” The man in the car says, “I found them. I asked myself what to do with them but, I haven’t a clue.” The clerk ponders a bit then says, “You should take them to the zoo.” “Yeah, that’s a good idea,” says the man in the car and drives away. The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car. “Hey, they’re still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo!” “Oh, I did,” says the driver, “and we had a great time. Today I’m taking them to the beach.”

Toads lay so many Eggs

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Q: How do toads manage to lay so many eggs?
A: They sit eggsaminations!

Macintosh Computer

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Q: What type of a computer does a horse like to eat?
A: A Macintosh

Crocodile attack lawyers

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Q: Why won’t crocodiles attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy!

Smart Porcupine

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A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a porcupine sitting next to him. “Are you a porcupine?” asked the man, surprised. “Yes.” “What are you doing at the movies?” The porcupine replied, “Well, I liked the book.”

Bottle Of vinegar

1 Star2 Star3 Star4 Star5 Star (4 votes, average: 3.25 out of 5)
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Q: What do you get if you cross a cat with a bottle of vinegar?
A: A sourpuss!

Credit Card

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Q: How do you stop a bull from charging?
A: Take away his credit card!

Tell a runaway horse

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Q: What is the best type of story to tell a runaway horse?
A: A tale of WHOA!

Taunt a crocodile

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Q: Why shouldn’t you taunt a crocodile?
A: Because it might come back to bite you in the end.

Chistmas to Ewe

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Q: How do sheep greet each other at Christmas?
A: Merry Christmas to Ewe!

Lollihops :D

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Q: What’s a toads favorite sweet?
A: Lollihops!

Missed match socks

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Q: What do you call a mismatched pair of socks in the wash?
A: Evidence.

Stuckt

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Q :What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?
A :Stuck!

Tadpole is new to the area

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Q: Why did the tadpole feel lonely?
A: Because he was newt to the area!

Happy polar bears

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Q: What has four legs and a flipper?
A: A happy polar bear!

Shelfies

1 Star2 Star3 Star4 Star5 Star (11 votes, average: 4.36 out of 5)
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Q: What kind of photos does a turtle take?
A: Shellfies.