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Twas the Night After Christmas (No Ratings Yet) Loading ...‘Twas the night after Christmas and all through the trailer, the beer had gone flat and the pizza was staler. The tube socks hung empty, no candies or toys and I was camped out on my old Lay-Z-Boy. The kids they weren’t talking to me or my wife, the worst Christmas they said they had had in their lives. My wife couldn’t argue and neither could I, so I watched TV and my wife, she just cried. When out in the yard the dog started barkin’, I stood up and looked and I saw Sheriff Larkin. He yelled, “Roy I am sworn to uphold the laws and I got a complaint here from a feller named Claus.” I said, “Claus, I don’t know nobody named Claus, and you ain’t taking me in without probable cause.” Then the Sheriff he said, “The man was shot at last night.” I said, “That might have been me, just what’s he look like.” The Sheriff replied, “Well he’s a jolly old feller, with a big beer gut belly, that shakes when he laughs like a bowl full of jelly. He sports a long beard, and a nose like a cherry.” I said, “Sheriff that sounds like my wife’s sister Sherri.” “It’s no time for jokes Roy” the Sheriff he said. “The man I’m describing in dressed all in red. I’m here for the truth now, it’s time to come clean. Tell me what you’ve done, tell me what you’ve seen.” Well I started to lie then I thought what the hell, it wouldn’t have been the first time that I’ve spent New Years in jail. I said, “Sheriff it happened last night about ten, and I thought that my wife had been drinking again.” When she walked in from work she was as white as a ghost. I thought maybe she had seen one of them UFO’s. But she said that a bunch of deer had just flown over her head, and stopped on the roof of our good neighbour Red. Well I ran outside to look and the sight made me shudder, a freezer full of venison standing right on Red’s gutter. Well my hands were a shakin’ as I grabbed my gun, when outta Red’s chimney this feller did run. And slung on his back was this bag over flowin’. I thought he stolen Red’s stuff while old Red was out bowling’. So I yelled, “Drop fat boy, hands in the air!” But he went about his business like he hadn’t a care. So I popped a warning shot over his head. Well he dropped that bag and he jumped in that sled. And as he flew off I heard him extort, “That’s assault with intent Roy, I’ll see ya in court.” The greatest gift of husband (29 votes, average: 4.07 out of 5) Loading ...A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter. One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, “Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?” 17 Management Funda’s for you (19 votes, average: 3.89 out of 5) Loading ...1.”We will do it” means “You will do it” 2.”You have done a great job” means “More work to be given to you” 3.”We are working on it” means “We have not yet started working on the 4.”Tomorrow first thing in the morning” means “Its not getting done 5.”After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views” means “I have already decided, I will tell you what to do” 6.”There was a slight miscommunication” means “We had actually lied” 8.”We can always do it” means “We actually cannot do the same on time” 9.”We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline” means “The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time.” 10.”We had slight differences of opinion “means “We had actually fought” 11.”Make a list of the work that you do and let’s see how I can help you” means “Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me” 12.”You should have told me earlier” means “Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!” 14.”Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected,” means, “Well you know…” 15.”We are a team,” means, “I am not the only one to be blamed” 16.”That’s actually a good question” means “I do not know anything about it” 17.”All the Best” means “You are in trouble” What happens at Sunday morning at 11? (16 votes, average: 4.25 out of 5) Loading ...This case happened in a hospital’s Intensive care ward where Patients always died in the same bed and on all Sunday morning at 11a.m, regardless of their medical condition.
Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off evil…….. And then…… then….. then……..
Santa Singh, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward, unplugged the life support system and plugged in the vacuum cleaner. M.P (30 votes, average: 4.1 out of 5) Loading ...Officer: What Is Your Name? Officer: Tell Me Properly. Officer: Your Father’s Name? Officer: What Does That Mean? Officer: Your Native Place Officer: Is It Madhya Pradesh? Officer: What Is Your Qualification? Officer: (angrily) What Is It? Officer: Why Do You Need A Job? Officer: And What Does That Mean? Officer: Describe Your Personality
Officer: Explain Yourself Clearly Officer: This Discussion Is Nowhere, You May Go Now. Officer: What Is It Now Officer: Mental Problems |
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