As far as you can get

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Q: How much fur can you get from a dinosaur ?
A: As fur as you can get!

Turtle cross the road

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Q: Why did the turtle cross the road?
A: To get to the shell station!

Horse like Fast food

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Q: What do race horses eat?
A: Fast Food.

Call9 9 rabbits

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Q: What do you call 99 rabbits stepping backwards?
A: A receding hare line!

Beggar and software developer

1 Star2 Star3 Star4 Star5 Star (16 votes, average: 3.31 out of 5)
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A beggar meets another beggar. A software engineer meets another software engineer.

Both of them ask the same question to each other.
What is the question ???

beggar and software developer

So, Which Platform are you Working on ???

Call sloth

1 Star2 Star3 Star4 Star5 Star (8 votes, average: 3.13 out of 5)
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Q: What do you call a sloth that can pick up an elephant ?
A: Sir!

Dinosaur at the Radio

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Q: What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?
A: Bronco-saurus or a Tyrannasourus Tex

Sandy clawss

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Q: What do you call a tiger that likes to dig in the sand?
A: Sandy claws!

Grasshopper

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The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a grasshopper walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn’t believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the grasshopper’s mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!” “Not really,” said the grasshopper. “Your name is written inside the cover.”

Go bananas

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Q: What do gorillas do when they go mad?
A: Go bananas!

bulllshit

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Q : Why are there twelve reindeer?
A : No reason!

Hot frog

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Q :Whats white on the outside, green on the inside and comes with relish and onions?
A :A hot frog!

Refree cowling

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
A: He heard the referee calling fowls

Uncle simian wants you

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Q :How did a Gorilla come to be with Washington at Valley Forge?
A : He had seen a sign saying, ‘Uncle Simian Wants You!’

Crocodile comedians

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Q: Why are crocodiles comedians so funny?
A: Their wit is as razor sharp as their teeth!

Dino saw

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Q: What type of tool does a prehistoric reptile carpenter use?
A: A dino-saw !

Road roll in mind

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road roll in mud and cross the road again?
A: Because he was a dirty double crosser

Avagadro in bed

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Q: What kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
A: Moleonucleosis

Toadly Owsum

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Q :What does a frog say when it sees something great?
A :Toadly awesome!

Its justan udder day

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Q: What did the bored cow say when she got up in the morning?
A: “It’s just an udder day”

Wears big and grey masks

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Q :What’s big and grey and wears a mask?
A :The elephantom of the opera!

Furious George

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Q: What do you call an angry monkey?
A: Furious George.

A Brr-grrr

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Q: What do polar bears like to eat in the cold?
A: A “brrr”-“grrr”!

Lawn moo-er

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Q :What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A :A lawn moo-er.

Two Giraffes Collide

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Q: What do you get when two giraffes collide?
A: A giraffic jam.

Hot croaka!

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Q :What do frogs drink?
A :Hot croako!

Bulfrogs

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Q :What do headmasters and bullfrogs have in common?
A :Both have big heads that consist mostly of mouth!

Dinosaur go extinct

1 Star2 Star3 Star4 Star5 Star (6 votes, average: 2.33 out of 5)
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Q: Why did the dinosaurs go extinct?
A: Because they wouldn’t take a bath!

KFC bucket..!!

1 Star2 Star3 Star4 Star5 Star (4 votes, average: 3.25 out of 5)
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Q: How did the headless chicken cross the road?
A: in a KFC bucket.

Like A coconut

1 Star2 Star3 Star4 Star5 Star (6 votes, average: 4.17 out of 5)
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Q: How do you catch a Polynesian squirrel?
A: Climb a tree and act like a coconut.

Top 20 funny quotes

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[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried – but they wanted cash.

[5] Don’t feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

[6] Don’t marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you’ll regret it later.

[7] You can’t buy love, but you pay heavily for it.

[8] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

[9] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

[10] Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.

[11] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I’m wrong and she agrees with me.

[12] Those who can’t laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

[13] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

[14] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

[15] You’re getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.

[16] It doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

[17] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

[18] It’s funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It’s like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

[19] There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.

[20] There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it!

Hippo cross the road

1 Star2 Star3 Star4 Star5 Star (6 votes, average: 4.33 out of 5)
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Q: Why did the hippo cross the road?
A: To prove to the possum that it could be done!

My lawyer cheats me

1 Star2 Star3 Star4 Star5 Star (6 votes, average: 3.67 out of 5)
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Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury acquitted him. Later that day Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing.
“Your honor,” he said, “I wanna get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine.”
“Why ?” asked the judge.
“He won your acquittal. What do you want to have him arrested for ?”
“Well, your honor,” replied Carlson,
“I didn’t have the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the car I stole.”

Bihari in Cenima

1 Star2 Star3 Star4 Star5 Star (5 votes, average: 3.80 out of 5)
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A Bihari goes to a movie hall and asks for two tickets,Do tho
ticket dena, the person at the window tells him that there is a house
full, so this Bihari says koi baat nahin do house full de do.

Afraid of getting toad

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Q :Why didn’t the frog park on the side of the road?
A :He was afraid of getting toad!

Naked Horse

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Q: Why was the horse naked?
A: Because the jockey fell off.

Red nosed reindeer

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Q : Why did Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer cross the road?
A : Because he was tied to a chicken!

Catch a Rich Squirrel

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Q: How do you catch a rich squirrel?
A: Climb a tree and act like a cashew.

Shark favourite doustin

1 Star2 Star3 Star4 Star5 Star (4 votes, average: 4.25 out of 5)
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Q: What is a sharks favorite Dustin Hoffman Film
A: Midnight Caudal

blind sparrows

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Q: Where do blind sparrows go for treatment?
A: The Birds Eye counter!

Bullshit

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Q: What family does Maiasaur belong to?
A: I don’t think any families in our neighborhood have one!

Stand up comedy

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Q: Why doesn’t anybody like the stand-up comedy of Margaret Shark? A: She bites!

Mechanically inclined Squirrel

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Q: How do you catch a mechanically inclined squirrel?
A: Climb a tree and act like a 9/16 12N nut.

So Darn Stupid

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Q: Why does it take more than one squirrel to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Because they’re so darn stupid!

Half chicken cross the road

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Q: Why did half a chicken cross the road?
A: To get to its other side!

Girl wedds with invisible man

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Q :Why did the girl Gorilla, engaged to the invisible man, call off the wedding?
A : Because in the last analysis she just couldn’t see it!

Egg crisize

1 Star2 Star3 Star4 Star5 Star (4 votes, average: 3.75 out of 5)
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Q: How do chickens get strong?
A: Egg-cersize.

Long Turtle

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Q: What do you call a turtle with 6 feet?
A: A 6-foot turtle.

Compass

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Q: What do you call a donkey with built-in GPS?
A: Comp-ass.

Baseball player with Frog

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Q :What do you get when you cross a baseball player with a frog?
A :An outfielder who catches flies and then eats them.

Frogs favourite game

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Q :Whats a frogs favorite game?
A :It’s croak-et!

Pickup truck

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A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of platypus’. He pulls the guy over and says… “You can’t drive around with platypus’ in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately.” The guy says “OK”… and drives away. The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of platypus’, and they’re all wearing sun glasses. He pulls the guy over and demands… “I thought I told you to take these platypus’ to the zoo yesterday?” The guy replies… “I did . . . today I’m taking them to the beach!”

Potty-pus

1 Star2 Star3 Star4 Star5 Star (6 votes, average: 2.67 out of 5)
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Q: What do you get when you cross a toilet and a platypus?
A: A potty-pus

Bull-Dozer

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Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bulldozer

Make shark laugh

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Q: How do you make a shark laugh?
A: Tell a whale of a tale.

Neigh buzz

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Q: What do you get if you cross a horse with a bee?
A: Neigh buzz

Elephants afraid of cheetahs

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Q :Why don’t elephants like playing cards in the jungle?
A :Because of all the cheetahs!

A begal

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What do you call a seagull when it flies over the bay?
A bagel.

The guys was right

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Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too. “Hey, I don’t want to tell you how to do something … but I can tell you that it’s much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won’t dig into the ground.” After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it. A little while later one hunter said to the other, “You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!” “Yeah, but we’re getting farther from the truck,” the other added.

Sick bird

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Q: What do you give a sick bird?
A: Tweetment

Tiger Eat Lion

1 Star2 Star3 Star4 Star5 Star (6 votes, average: 3.83 out of 5)
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Q: Would you rather have a tiger eat your or a lion?
A: I would rather have a tiger eat a lion.

Healthy Rabbit

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Q: What’s the difference between a healthy rabbit and an odd rabbit?
A: One is a fit bunny, and the other’s a bit funny!

You bastard

1 Star2 Star3 Star4 Star5 Star (4 votes, average: 3.25 out of 5)
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Knock Knock! Who’s There?
Lemur! Lemur Who?
Lemur alone.
You are lucky she even performed for you bastards. Leave Britney Alone.

Calvin feed hobbes

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Q: What does Calvin feed Hobbes?
A: Nothing he’s already stuffed.

Large Dog that meditates

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Q: What do you call a large dog that meditates?
A: Aware wolf.

Rabbit with no hair

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Q: What do you get when you find a rabbit with no hair?
A: A hairless hare!

Mickey Moose

1 Star2 Star3 Star4 Star5 Star (7 votes, average: 4.29 out of 5)
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Q: What do you get when you cross a mouse and a deer?
A: Mickey Moose

Instigator makes other fight

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Q: What do you call an alligator that makes others fight?
A: An Instigator.

Bill gates & gujju

1 Star2 Star3 Star4 Star5 Star (8 votes, average: 3.38 out of 5)
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Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe. 5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is Kantibhai Shah.

Bill Gates: Thank you for coming. Those who do not know JAVA may leave. 2000 people leave the room. Kantibhai says to himself, ‘I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I’ll give it a try’

Bill Gates: Candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people may leave. 2000 people leave the room. Kantibhai says to himself ‘ I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?’ So he stays.

Bill Gates: Candidates who do not have management diplomas may leave. 500 people leave the room. Kantibhai says to himself, ‘I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?’ So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo – Croat to leave. 498 people leave the room. Kantibhai says to himself, ‘ I do not speak one word of Serbo – Croat but what do I have to lose?’ So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate.

Everyone else has gone. Bill Gates joined them and said ‘Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo – Croat, so I’d now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.’ Calmly, Kantibhai turns to the other candidate and says `kem chho’ The other candidate answers ‘ek dam majama..’

Mole bites the Dog

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Q: What happens when a mole bites a dog?
A: He becomes Moleicious!

An Irrigator

1 Star2 Star3 Star4 Star5 Star (5 votes, average: 3.60 out of 5)
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Q: What do you call a reptile that works on a farm?
A: An irri-gator.

Hop-in

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Q :What do you say to a hitchhiking frog?
A :Hop in!

Farmers milk them dry

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Q: Why don’t cows have any money?
A: Because farmers milk them dry

Hamster upset with his job

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Q :Why was the Hamster upset with his job?
A: It didn’t pay enough salary (celery).

Chicken go to KFC

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Q: Why did the chicken go to KFC?
A: He wanted to see a chicken strip.

Raulph irregular

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Q : Did Rudolph go to a regular school?
A : No, he was “elf”-taught!

Penguins are good drivers

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Q. Why are penguins such good racing drivers ?
A. Because they are always in pole position.

Stegosaurus

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Q: What has a spiked tail, plates on its back, and sixteen wheels?
A: A Stegosaurus on roller skates!

Any kind

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Q: Which type of dinosaur could jump higher than a house ?
A: Any kind! A house cannot jump!

Frogs haven’t so many legs

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Q :How do frogs manage to lay so many eggs?
A :They sit eggsaminations!

How do You

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A student named Jacob was sitting in class one day and the teacher walked by and he asked her “How do you put an elephant in the fridge?” The teacher said “I don’t know, how?” Jacob then said “You open the door and put it in there!” Then Jacob asked the teacher another question “How do you put a zebra in the fridge?” The teacher then replied “Ohh I know this one, you open the door and put it in there?” Jacob said “No, you open the door, take the elephant out, and then you put it in there.” Then he asked another question…”All the animals went to the lions birthday party, except one animal, which one was it?” The teacher a bit confused and said “The lion?” Then the student said “No,the zebra because he’s still in the fridge.” then he asked her just one more question….”If there is a river full of crocodiles and you wanted to get across it,how would you” The teacher then says “You would walk over the bridge.” Then Jacob says “No, you would swim across because all the crocodiles are at the lions birthday party!” She laughs and walks away.

hippcratic Oath

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Q: How do you make sure a hippo is telling you the truth?
A: Make him take the Hippocratic Oath.

Alligator in a vest

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Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A: An Investigator

Porcupine with carrot

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Q: What do you call an Porcupine with a carrot in each ear? A: Anything you want as he can’t hear you!

Mulatto scuba

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Q: What’s black and white and red all over?
A: A mulatto scuba diver who has just been mauled to death by a shark

Santa tune had kardi

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Santa: aram aram nal letter likh riha si,
Banta: aram aram naal Q likh riha h?
Santa: mera beta 6 sal da h, te oh aram aram nal padhda h.

Bones in the ground

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Q: Why do dogs bury bones in the ground?
A: Because you can’t bury them in trees!

Non typical white tail

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Q: What is the defination of a non-typical Whitetail?
A: One that stays off the Highway!

The Door Won’t close

1 Star2 Star3 Star4 Star5 Star (5 votes, average: 3.80 out of 5)
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Q: How can you tell if there’s a dinosaur in the refrigerator ?
A: The door won’t close!

Elephant wear sneakers

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Q :Why does an elephant wear sneakers?
A :So that he can sneak up on mice!

Zebra and Micheal Jackson

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Q: What does a zebra and michael jackson have in common?
A: They can’t decide whether to be black or white!

Potato with elephant

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Q :What do you get when you cross a potato with an elephant?
A :Mashed potatoes!

Medicated wish

1 Star2 Star3 Star4 Star5 Star (6 votes, average: 3.33 out of 5)
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Cardially.
Happy Eid day from the depth of right & left ventricles,
wrapped with the ribbons of purkinje fibers and sealed in pericardium.
Decorated with SA and AV nodes with a glitter topping of pericardial fluid
and cusps of mitral and tricuspid valves.

In short ap ko teh-e-dil se EID MUBARAK ho 🙂

Lifetime ban on frogs

1 Star2 Star3 Star4 Star5 Star (4 votes, average: 3.75 out of 5)
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Q :What do you get when you cross a frog and a pig?
A :A lifetime ban from the Muppet Show studio.

Dog sits on his chair

1 Star2 Star3 Star4 Star5 Star (4 votes, average: 3.25 out of 5)
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Q: Why wouldn’t the dog sit on his chair?
A: Because he left his sheet[shit] on there.

Bambooozled lose his dinner

1 Star2 Star3 Star4 Star5 Star (4 votes, average: 3.75 out of 5)
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Q: How did the panda who lose his dinner?
A: He was “Bamboozled”!