Office memo

Dear Staff,
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada sneakers and carrying a Gucci bag we assume that you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

 office-memo-joke-1

Lunch Breaks:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch
as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average size. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Restroom Use:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet pater roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the “Chronic Offender” category.

office-memo-joke-2

Surgery:

As long as you are employed here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed will constitute a breach of employment.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, and input should be directed elsewhere.

Have a nice week.

-->

7 Comments »

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

  1. Dear Staff,
    It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada sneakers and carrying a Gucci bag we assume that you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

    Personal Days:
    Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

    Comment by giri — December 17, 2009 #

  2. Lunch Breaks:
    Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average size. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

    Sick Days:
    We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

    Restroom Use:
    Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet pater roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the “Chronic Offender” category.

    Surgery:

    As long as you are employed here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed will constitute a breach of employment.

    Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, and input should be directed elsewhere.

    Have a nice week.

    Related Jokess:

    1.10 Rules For Getting Guaranteed Promotion Without Any Hard Work
    2.Hilarious picture of Girlfriend
    3.Get me a beer before it starts
    4.The greatest gift of husband
    5.Lawyers are clever

    No Comments
    No Comments yet »
    RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

    Dear Staff,
    It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada sneakers and carrying a Gucci bag we assume that you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

    Comment by giri — December 17, 2009 #

  3. 03216371073 plz call me

    Comment by usman — March 1, 2010 #

  4. Very hilarious joke. keep it coming.lol

    Comment by uchenna Ogbuefi — June 19, 2010 #

  5. WTF, its not a joke, its wat our office rule, I am sure our supervisor wrote that. :-D

    Comment by MEe — July 22, 2010 #

  6. GPY i cant stop laughing eish what a joke

    Comment by cnazo — October 20, 2010 #

  7. good

    Comment by shazia — December 1, 2010 #

Leave a comment

XHTML: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>