Lit FunFunny / hilarious BAR jokes collection |
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Someone who doesn’t drink or gamble?” (1 votes, average: 5 out of 5) Loading ...A man walks out of a bar and sees a bum panhandling on the corner. The bum says, “Mister, can you spare a dollar?” The man thinks a minute. Then he asks the bum, “If I give you a dollar, are you going to use it to buy liquor?“ “No,” says the bum. The man then asks, “If I give you a dollar, are you going to use it for gambling?” Again the bum says, “No.” So the man says to the bum, “Do you mind coming home with me so I can show my wife what happens to someone who doesn’t drink or gamble?” Miserable guy in the bar (11 votes, average: 3.09 out of 5) Loading ...A guy rushes into a bar, orders four expensive 30-year-old single malts and has the bartender line them up in front of him. Then without pausing, he quickly downs each one. “Whew”, the bartender remarked, “you seem to be in a hurry.” “You would be too if you had what I have.” “What do you have?” the bartender sympathetically asked. “Fifty cents.” Get me a beer before it starts (10 votes, average: 4.2 out of 5) Loading ...A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, “Get me a beer before it starts.” The wife sighs and gets him a beer. Fifteen minutes later, he says, “Get me another beer before it starts.” She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him. He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, “Quick, get me another beer, it’s going to start any minute.”
“Is that all you’re going to do tonight? Drink beer and sit in front of that TV? You’re nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob and furthermore . . .” The man sighs and says, “It’s started.” I got in the back seat by mistake (3 votes, average: 4.67 out of 5) Loading ...A drunken man phoned the local police department to report that thieves had been in his car. “They have stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator,” he cried out.
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time, and the same voice came over the line. “Never mind,” the drunk said with a hiccup. “I got in the back seat by mistake.” Time to go home (5 votes, average: 3.4 out of 5) Loading ...A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini.
The bartender says, “Look, buddy, I’ll bring ya’ martinis all night long but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill.” The customer replies, “I’m peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it’s time to go home.” |
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