my wife smells nasty

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A guy brings a Lemur home , tells his wife it’s a pet. She asks , “Where are you going to keep it?” He repies , “In the bedroom.” “But what about that horrible nasty smell?’ , she asks. “I got used to you , I’m sure he will too!”

Little wine

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Q: What did the grape say when the Lemur stood on it?
A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine!

Talking lemur…

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Q: What’s more amazing than a talking Lemur?
A: A spelling bee!

lemur learning language

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Q: When does a Lemur go “roarrrr”?
A: When it is learning a new language!

Liam nelson

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Q: Why did Liam Neeson rescue his daughter?
A: He couldn’t lemur behind.

night of drinking

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A man and his pet Lemur walk into a bar. It’s about 5pm, but they’re ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: “Last call.” So, the man says, “One more for me… and one more for my Lemur.” The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the Lemur falls over dead. The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. The bartender, yells: “Hey buddy, you can’t just leave that lyin’ there.” To which the man replies: “That’s not a lion, that’s a Lemur.”

Pious cowboy

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The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the savannah. Three weeks later, a Lemur walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn’t believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the Lemures mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!” “Not really,” said the Lemur. “Your name is written inside the cover.”

move it move it

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Q: Why did King Julien refuse to dance?
A: He didn’t like to “move it move it”

smart lemur

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A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a Lemur sitting next to him. “Are you a Lemur?” asked the man, surprised. “Yes.” “What are you doing at the movies?” The Lemur replied, “Well, I liked the book.”

You bastard

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Knock Knock! Who’s There?
Lemur! Lemur Who?
Lemur alone.
You are lucky she even performed for you bastards. Leave Britney Alone.

Laughing carrots

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Q: What do you call an Lemur with a carrot in each ear?
A: Anything you want as he can’t hear you!

Lemur cross the road

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Q: Why did the Lemur cross the road?
A: To prove to the possum that it could be done!

Lemur a fast food

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Q: What does a lion call a lemur?
A: Fast Food.