Nobody’s herd

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Q: What happened to the lost cattle?
A: Nobody’s herd.

Credit Card

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Q: How do you stop a bull from charging?
A: Take away his credit card!

Milk shake

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Q: What do you call an arab next to a cow?
A: Milk Sheikh!

Beef Jerky

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Q: What do you call a cow with a twitch?
A: Beef Jerky

Got milk?

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Q: What did one dairy cow say to another?
A: Got milk?

Mooolasses

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Q: What does a cow put on his french toast?
A: Moooolasses.

Mooooove Over

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Q: What did one cow say to the other?
A: Mooooooove over!

Farmers milk them dry

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Q: Why don’t cows have any money?
A: Because farmers milk them dry

Ground beef

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Q: What do you call a cow with no legs at all?
A: Ground beef

Mooney

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Q: What do cows get when they do all their chores?
A: Mooney.

Decalfenated

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Q: What do call a cow that has just had a calf?
A: Decalfenated

Milking stool have

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Q: Why does a milking stool have only three legs?
A: Because the cow has the udder

Cow laughs to hard

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Q: What happens when a cow laughs too hard?
A: It Cowlapses!

Lawn moo-er

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Q :What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A :A lawn moo-er.

Evaporated milk

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Q: What does an invisible man drink?
A: Evaporated milk!

Cute Bunch of Cows

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A lady from the city and her traveling companion were riding the train through Vermont when she noticed some cows. “What a cute bunch of cows!” she remarked. “Not a bunch, herd”, her friend replied. “Heard of what?” “Herd of cows.” “Of course I’ve heard of cows.” “No, a cow herd.” “What do I care what a cow heard. I have no secrets to keep from a cow!”

Tea Cow

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Q: What do you call animal drinking with Justin Timberlake?
A: TEA COW!

Made out of leather

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Q: Why are cows so soft?
A: Because they are made out of leather.

Talk to a cow

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Q: What happens when you talk to a cow?
A: It goes in one ear and out the udder!

Farmer like a maigcian

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Q: When is a farmer like a magician?
A: When he turns his cow into pasture.

Sir loin

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Q: What do you call a cow with full armor?
A: Sir loin

Barn so noisy

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Q: Why is a barn so noisy?
A: All the cows have horns.

Cow cross the road

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Q: Why did the cow cross the road?
A: To get to the udder side.

Laughing Stock

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Q: What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?
A: Laughing stock

Mooooved to tear

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Q: What do you call a sad cow?
A: Mooooved to tears.

Pasta to cow

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Q: What do you get when you give pasta to a cow?
A: Beefaroni.

Udder Failure

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Q: What do you call a cow that doesn’t give milk?
A: An udder failure.

Cow walking backwards

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Q: What has four legs and goes Oom, Oom?
A: A cow walking backwards!

Precious book out of cow

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The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn’t believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the cow’s mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!” “Not really,” said the cow. “Your name is written inside the cover.”

Takes the bull by the horns

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Q: Did you hear that Chuck Norris is a matador?
A: He takes the bull by the horns.

Moody blues

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Q: What band is a cow favorite?
A: Moody Blues

Gallery of Cows

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Q: What do you find a gallery of cows?
A: The mooseum.

Cow-boose

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Q: Where do cows like to ride on trains?
A: In the cow-boose.

Ho-mo-sexual

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Q: Did you hear about the cow that wasn’t interested in bulls?
A: She was an Ho-Moo-Sexual.

Moo-day

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Q: What do you call a grumpy cow?
A: Moo-dy

Cows when sick

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Q: What do cows get when they are sick?
A: Hay Fever

With Cowculator

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Q: How does a farmer count a herd of cows?
A: With a Cowculator

Milk of Amnesia

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Q: What kind of milk comes from a forgetful cow?
A: Milk of Amnesia

Cows listen Piano

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Q: What did the cow say when a person played the piano?
A: That’s good moooooosic.

Lean beef

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Q: What do you call a cow with no front legs?
A: Lean Beef

Beef-flat

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Q: What’s a cow’s favorite moosical note?
A: Beef-flat

Tits were getting long..

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Q :Why do cows have long faces?
A :Because you would have a long face too, if your tits were gettin pulled twice a day

cows have horns

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Q: Why is the barn so noisy?
A: Because all of the cows have horns.

Call an evil cow

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Q: What do you call an evil cow?
A: De-mooooon.

Moo-ltiplication

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Q: What Is A Cows Favorite Type Of Math?
A: Moo-tiplication

Orchestra and a bull

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Q: Whats the difference between and orchestra and a bull?
A: On the bull the horns are in the front and the asshole is in the back.

Hits the bull’s eye

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Q: Did you hear about the blonde that died with a bow and arrow in her hand?
A: She hit the bull’s eye.

The meet Market

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Q: Where do cows get together?
A: The meet market.

Get a moove on

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Q: What did the cow say to the turtle?
A: Get a moove on

Cows Will be in heaven

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Q: How to you know that cows will be in heaven?
A: It’s a place of udder delight.

Bull Dozin

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Q: What was the bull doing in the pasture with his eyes closed?
A: Bull-dozin’

Blue cheese!

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Q: What do you get when you cross and smurf and a cow?
A: Blue cheese!

A half Cows

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Q: What do you call I half a cow?
A: a calf.

When cows fly

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Q: Have you ever heard the term “When Pigs Fly!”……
A: Well what if it were “When Cows Fly!”

Camooflauged

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Q: What do you call a cow you can’t see?
A: Camooflauged.

Milking stool

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Q: Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs?
A: Because the cow has the utter.

Milk Dude

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Q: What do you call a cow that doesn’t give milk?
A: A MILK DUD!

Wanted to skydive

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Q: Why did cow jump over the moon?
A: Because he wanted to skydive

Cow get to the moon

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Q: How does a cow get to the mooooon?
A: It flies through udder space!

Bull-Dozer

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Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bulldozer

Moovies

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Q : Where do cows go when they want a night out?
A: To the moo-vies!

Cows eating grass

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Two cows were out in a field eating grass. One cow turns to the other cow and says, “Moooooo!” “Hey”, the other cow replies…. “I was just about to say the same thing!”

Peanut Butter

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Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a dairy cow?
A: Peanut butter.

Moo-moos

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Q: What do cows wear in Hawaii?
A: Moo- moos

Hey! This look likes yours :D

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A man staggers into the emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, and a five iron wrapped around his neck. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened. “Well, it was like this” said the man. “I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around I noticed that one of the cows had something white in it’s rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife’s monogram on it stuck right in the middle of the cow’s butt. Thats when I made my mistake.” “What did you do?”, asked the doctor. “Well, I lifted the tail, pointed, and yelled to my wife, “Hey! This looks like yours!”

Your calves

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Q: What animals do you bring to bed?
A: Your calves.

Its justan udder day

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Q: What did the bored cow say when she got up in the morning?
A: “It’s just an udder day”

The calf-eteria

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Q: Where do cows go for lunch?
A: The calf-eteria.

Baby Cow

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Q: What did mama cow say to baby cow?
A: It’s pasture bedtime.

Cow Refuses to Give milk

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My cow refuses to give milk, and you know why, of course. She’s been grazing in the field too long,… And now she thinks she’s a horse.

Cowboy complain

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Q: Why can’t the bankrupt cowboy complain?
A: He’s got no beef.

Cows read Newspaper

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Q: What newspaper do cows read?
A: The Daily Moos.

Udder-catastrophe

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Q: What do you call it when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence
A: Udder-Catastrophe

Cow only has one horn

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Q: What is the difference between a car and a bull?
A: A car only has one horn.

Beef stokin off

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Q: What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?
A: Beef strokin’ off.

Cow bring toilet paper

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Q :Why does the cow bring toilet paper to the party?
A : Because he is a party pooper.

First animal in space

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Q: What was the first animal in space?
A: The cow that jumped over the moon!

Ground beef

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Q: What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor?
A: Ground Beef

Ar-moooo-ries

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Q: Where do cows get their weapons?
A: Ar-moooo-ries.

Making Cow Pies

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Q: Which job is a cow most suited for?
A: Baker. Because they’re making cow pies regularly.

Farmers had cold hand

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Q: Do you know why the cow jumped over the moon?
A: The farmer had cold hands.

To he mooon

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Q: “Where did the cows go last night”?
A: “To the mooon”

Cutlet above the rest

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Q: Did you hear about the snobby cow?
A: She thought she was a cutlet above the rest!

Bull spies on another bull

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Q: What do you call it when one bull spies on another bull?
A: A steak-out!

Lawn moo-er

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Q: What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A: a lawn moo-er.

Cross cow with lawnmoower

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Q: What do you get when you cross a cow and a lawnmower?
A: A lawnmooer.

Sheep and a moody cow

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Q: What do you get if you cross an angry sheep and a moody cow?
A: An animal that’s in a baaaaaaaad moooooood.

Cow have a pogo stick

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Q: How do you make a milkshake?
A: Give a cow a pogo stick.

Bankrupt Cowboy

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Q: Why can’t the bankrupt cowboy complain?
A: He’s got no beef.

Cross a cow and a duck

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Q: What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
A: Milk and Quackers!

Cow is a best dancer

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Q: How can you tell which cow is the best dancer?
A: Wait til one busts a moooooove

Holstain

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Q: What are the spots on black and white cows?
A: Holstains

Mos-cows

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Q: Where do Russians get their milk?
A: From Mos-cows

Moooving up in the world

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Q: What do you call a cow with an assistant?
A: Moooooving up in the world.

Cow can cut the grass

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Q: What do you call a cow that can cut the grass?
A: Mulan.

Bullogna

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Q: What is a cow’s favorite lunch meat?
A: Bullogna

Cow stop to drink

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Q: Where does a cow stop to drink?
A: The milky way!