Alchoholic badger

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A man and his pet badger walk into a bar. It’s about 5pm, but they’re ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: “Last call.” So, the man says, “One more for me… and one more for my badger.” The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the badger falls over dead. The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. The bartender, yells: “Hey buddy, you can’t just leave that lyin’ there.” To which the man replies: “That’s not a lion, that’s a badger.”

drinking mead

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Q: What do Honey Badgers drink?
A: Mead.

Badger with carrot

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Q: What do you call an Badger with a carrot in each ear? A: Anything you want as he can’t hear you!

Husband and wife

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A husband and wife are driving home and run over a badger, they get out and find its still breathing but freezing cold. The husband says “Put it between your legs to warm it up” Wife replies “But its all wet and it stinks!” Husband says “Well hold its nose!”.

little wine

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Q: What did the grape say when the badger stood on it?
A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine!

Pickup your truck

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A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of badgers. He pulls the guy over and says… “You can’t drive around with badgers in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately.” The guy says “OK”… and drives away. The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of badgers, and they’re all wearing sun glasses. He pulls the guy over and demands… “I thought I told you to take these badgers to the zoo yesterday?” The guy replies… “I did . . . today I’m taking them to the beach!”

prove my possum

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Q: Why did the badger cross the road? A: To prove to the possum that it could be done!