Drinking Eve

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man and his pet grasshopper walk into a bar. It’s about 5pm, but they’re ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: “Last call.” So, the man says, “One more for me… and one more for my grasshopper.” The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the grasshopper falls over dead. The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. The bartender, yells: “Hey buddy, you can’t just leave that lyin’ there.” To which the man replies: “That’s not a lion, that’s a grasshopper.”

Shark throw his Clock

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Q: Why did the shark throw his clock out the window?
A: He wanted to see time fly!

Catch a Gay Squirrel

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Q: How can you catch a gay squirrel?
A: Climb a tree and pretend to be an almond (botanically speaking, almonds are fruits).

Taalking frog

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Q :What do you call a talking frog?
A :A quantum leap.

Butter on the farm

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Q :What do you call the best ‘butter’ on the farm?
A :A goat!

Gorila griller

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Q. Why did the ape run around with a piece of raw meat on his head?
A. He thought he was a gorilla. (griller)

Bankrupt Cowboy

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Q: Why can’t the bankrupt cowboy complain?
A: He’s got no beef.

cleanest antlers

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Q :Which reindeer has the cleanest antlers?
A : Comet!

Missed match socks

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Q: What do you call a mismatched pair of socks in the wash?
A: Evidence.

What did the chicken Do?

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This guy inherits a parrot when his friend dies. But the parrot wont stop swearing at him, calling him a dumb f*ck, a c*nt, and a bunch of other names. The guy tries everything to get this bird to stop swearing. Nothing works. He finally gets fed up and sticks him in the freezer. Even from in there, he hears him cussing him out. Then the parrot falls silent. The guy thinks Ohh shit I killed him. He opens the freezer. The parrot hops out saying, ” Very sorry for how I spoke to you, sir. I just have one question… What did the chicken do?”

Sparrow-chute

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Q: How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?
A: With its sparrowchute.

Sexy elephant figure

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In an elephant’s school, some loafer elephants were hanging around in the canteen. A sexy female elephant passes by the canteen.

Sexy elephant figure

Then one of the elephants says: “Look yaar, 3600 – 2400 – 3600!!”

Saint Cowboy

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The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a ferret walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn’t believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the ferret’s mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!” “Not really,” said the ferret. “Your name is written inside the cover.”

What the Fuc** dude..!!

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A koala is sitting up a Eucalypt tree … smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past and looks up and says, “Hey Koala ! What are you doing?” The koala says: “Smoking a joint, come up and have some.” So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a few joints. After a while the little lizard says his mouth is ‘dry’ and is going to get a drink from the river. But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river. A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the little lizard: “What’s the matter with you?” The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the Eucalypt tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink. The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the rain forest, finds the Eucalypts tree where the koala is sitting finishing a joint, and he looks up and says “Hey you!” So the koala looks down at him and says: “WTFFFF dude … how much water did you drink?

Rep . Tile

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Q: What do you call a dinosaur who is elected to Congress?
A: Rep. Tile!

Sheeps on vication

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Q: Where do sheep go on vacation?
A: To the baaaaaahamas.

Ahmed with a big smile

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There was a young man named Ahmed who bought a donkey from old farmer Farouk for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. When Farouk drove up the next day he says, ‘I am sorry but I have some bad news – the donkey is on my truck but he be dead.’

Ahmed replies, ‘Well then, just give me my money back.’
‘Can’t do that,’ burrs the farmer, ‘I went out and spent it already.’

Ahmed sighs, ‘OK just unload the donkey anyway.’
Farouk then asks, ‘What are you gonna do with a dead donkey an’ that?’ I’ll raffle him off,’ laughs Ahmed.

The farmer exclaimed, ‘Aargh, you can’t raffle off a dead donkey.’

But Ahmed with a big smile on his face tells Farouk, ‘Sure I can. Watch.
Just don’t tell anyone the donkey is dead.’

A month later the farmer Farouk met up with Ahmed and asks,
‘Whatever happened to that dead donkey?’Funny Donkey Story

Ahmed answers, ‘I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at $2.00 each and made a huge profit.’

Totally amazed the farmer Farouk enquires, ‘Didn’t anyone complain that you had stolen their money because you lied about the donkey being dead?’

‘The only one who found out about the donkey being dead was the raffle winner,’ chuckled Ahmed, ‘so when he came to claim his prize I gave him his $2.00 back plus $200.00 extra, which is double the going value of a dead donkey, so he thought I was a great fellow.’

A dumb Ass!!

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Q: What do you call a donkey that was born with a brain injury?
A: A dumb ass!!!

At the South Pole

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Q: Where do penguins go swimming?
A: At the South Pool!

Picnic Basket

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Q: What was Yogi bear looking for in the picnic basket?
A: Just the “Bear” necessities.

Miss Ape-ril!

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Q:How did Gertie Gorilla make the ‘Playboy’ Calendar?
A:She was ‘Miss Ape-ril!’

Shooting in my shorts

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Q: Have you ever hunted bear?
A: No, but I’ve been shooting in my shorts!

Llama – ables

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Q: What did the llama have for dinner?
A: Llama-ables

Turtle Wax

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Q: Why is turtle wax so expensive?
A: Because their ears are so small!

Croakus

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Q: What’s a toads favorite flower?
A: A croakus!

Giraffe winning a horse race

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Q: What do you call a giraffe winning a horse race?
A: A longshot.

Tourist in sleeping bag

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Q: What did the polar bears say when they saw tourists in sleeping bags?
A: “Sandwiches!”

Cheer him up

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Q: What do you do if you find a blue Ichthyosaur ?
A: Cheer him up

Somethin about Owl

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Q: Did you hear the one about the owl?
A: It was a hoot.

Name six wild animals

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Q :Teacher: “Name six wild animals”
A :Students:”Four elephants and two lions!”

Get into Donners house

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Q : How do you get into Donner’s house?
A : You ring the “deer”-bell!

He had little Ape-tude

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Q :Why did the Gorilla fail English?
A : He had little Ape-titude!

Sun burned Zebra

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Q: Whats black and white and red all over?
A: A sun-burned zebra!

Bunny Rabit

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Q :What do you get when you cross a frog with a rabbit?
A :A bunny ribbit.

Penguin Rolling Down

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Q: What’s black, white, black, white, black, white, black, white?
A: A penguin rolling down a hill

Fortune Cookie

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Q: What do you call a food stamp inside of a burrito?
A: An otter fortune cookie

Abrahmster lincoln

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Q :What do you call a hamster with a top hat?
A: Abrahamster Lincoln

Shark Avoid serving

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Q: How did the shark avoid serving in the army?
A: He was a conscientious ob-shark-ter

Polar bear into refrigerator

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Q: How do you put a polar bear into a refrigerator?
A: It’s easy – just open the door. Polar bears like cold places.

Difference between Cat and Frog

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Q :What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?
A :A Cat has nine lives but a Frog croaks every night!

my wife smells nasty

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A guy brings a Lemur home , tells his wife it’s a pet. She asks , “Where are you going to keep it?” He repies , “In the bedroom.” “But what about that horrible nasty smell?’ , she asks. “I got used to you , I’m sure he will too!”

Cougar croosed the road

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Q: Why did the cougar cross the road?
A: To prove to the possum that it could be done!

Anywhere wants to

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Q: Where does a cougar sleep?
A: Anywhere he wants to!

Peeling well..

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Q: Why did the gorilla go to the doctor?
A: Because his banana wasn’t peeling very well!

Zebra black and White peace

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Q: What is black and white and eats like a horse?
A: A zebra.
I suppose when you’ve seen one lion catch a zebra, you’ve seen a maul.

Love shark

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Q: What was the sharks favorites song
A: Love Shark

Censorerd fun

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Q: What do you call the loose skin around the vagina?
A: An otter

Big ho peep

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Q :Who lost a herd of elephants?
A :Big bo peep!

Chick dissapoint his mother

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Q: Why did the chick disappoint his mother?
A: He wasn’t what he was cracked up to be!

Green Pistachio Nuts

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Q: How do you catch an Irish squirrel?
A: Climb a tree and act like a green pistachio nut.

Penguin In a Gas station

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A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. While doing thisthe clerk spots two penguins sitting on the back seat of the car. He asks the driver, “What’s up with the penguins in the back seat?” The man in the car says, “I found them. I asked myself what to do with them but, I haven’t a clue.” The clerk ponders a bit then says, “You should take them to the zoo.” “Yeah, that’s a good idea,” says the man in the car and drives away. The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car. “Hey, they’re still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo!” “Oh, I did,” says the driver, “and we had a great time. Today I’m taking them to the beach.”

Mos-cows

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Q: Where do Russians get their milk?
A: From Mos-cows

Elephant with spare parts

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Q :What has 3 tails, 4 trunks and 6 feet?
A :An elephant with spare parts!

Short Dinosaur

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Q: Do you know how long dinosaurs should be fed?
A: Exactly the same as short dinosaurs!

Goat playin the piano

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Q :What do you call a goat playing the piano?
A :Billy Joel.

Deer with no eyes

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Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A: I have no I-Deer

Mcdonald’s run out of Chicken

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Q: Why did McDonald’s run out of chicken McNuggets?
A: The farmer counted his chickens before they hatched.

Banarama..

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Q: What’s a gorilla’s favourite pop group?
A: Bananarama!

Cow is a best dancer

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Q: How can you tell which cow is the best dancer?
A: Wait til one busts a moooooove

Cross parrot with Gorilla

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Q : What happens if you cross a parrot with a Gorilla?
A : Nobody is sure, but if it opened its mouth to speak, you’d listen!

Dino-mite

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Q: What do you call a dinosaur that eats fireworks?
A: A dino-mite

Call9 9 rabbits

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Q: What do you call 99 rabbits stepping backwards?
A: A receding hare line!

Sheep takes a bath

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Q: Where do sheeps take a bath?
A: In a baaaa-th tub!

Cross a cow and a duck

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Q: What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
A: Milk and Quackers!

Credit Card

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Q: How do you stop a bull from charging?
A: Take away his credit card!

Call 114 frogs

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Q :What do you call 144 frogs in a box?
A :Gross!

Two Hunters

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Two hunters decide to go moose hunting in Canada. They hire an airplane to drop them off in a remote region. The pilot drops them off and tells them, “I`ll be back in one week. No more than one moose – got it?” One week passes, and the pilot returns. The hunters have two moose. The pilot says, “Hey, I told you guys no more than one moose.” One of the hunters replies, “Look the pilot told us the same thing last year and we gave him a `big` tip to take both moose out.” The three of them argue for several minutes more. The pilot gives up and agrees to take both moose. Well, they load up the moose and fire up the plane. The plane shudders and strains trying to take off. It finally gets the wheels off the ground 5 feet, 10 feet. Whoops! It runs out of runway and smashes into a tree. The two hunters, dazed and confused make there way out of the wreckage. One hunter looks at the other and says, “Where the heck are we?” The other looks around and replies, “About 200 yards further than we got last year!”

Sheep go when they die

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Q: Where do sheep go when they die?
A: To the baa baa que.

Sore throat

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Q: What’s worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
A: A Diplodocus with a sore throat!

Light at night

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Q: What flies around your light at night and can bite your head off?
A: A tiger moth!

Penguins In Revolving Door

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Q: What’s black and white and goes round and around?
A: A Penguin in a revolving door.

Freeze a jolly

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Q: What do Penguins sing on a birthday?
A: Freeze a jolly good fellow.

Policeman Give the sheep

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Q: Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?
A: He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.

Cow can cut the grass

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Q: What do you call a cow that can cut the grass?
A: Mulan.

Pay the taxi fare

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Q: Why didn’t the platypus pay the taxi driver?
A: Because he only had a one-dollar-bill!

In the Dark

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Q: Where was the dinosaur when the sun went down ?
A: In the dark!

Shepherd looking for a sheep

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A shepherd was looking for a lost sheep, after a couple hours he found it stuck in some briar bushes and covered with mud. He rescued the sheep. After several slanderous remarks about the muddy dumb sheep, the sheep blurted out, “What are you griping about, I almost drowned in the pond?” Shocked at hearing the Sheep speak, the Shepherd asked the sheep why he was in the pond in the first place, “Don’t you know sheep can’t swim?”, We were not swimming, we were wallowing in mud and I stepped into, a deep hole?” “Who is we?” the Shepherd asked. “Me and the pig?” The sheep replied. “Why on earth would you wallow in mud?” asked the Shepherd. “Well the pig said it would make me cooler, I was getting hot.” The shepherd asked the sheep where the pig was. The sheep replied. “He went back to the barn.” So the Shepherd put the sheep on his shoulders and began his trip back to the barn. He did not own a pig, and he planned to take the pig to task for the mud wallowing incident. The next day the shepherd?s rich neighbor a farmer came by and inquired if the shepherd had seen his pig. Soon the Shepherd began telling the rich farmer about the sheep and pig story, and demanded compensation for the incident caused by the farmer’s pig.” The farmer expressed his doubts to the Shepherd, whereupon the Sheep blurted out “He’s right, it was your pig that did it.” Just then the rich farmer realized that this was a talking sheep. He thought to himself, “I can make millions with a talking sheep. He stopped the discussion and asked if the shepherd would take 500 dollars for the sheep. The shepherd replied that he would consider the sale on an as is basis, no guarantees. The farmer then bought the sheep and the trade was done. The shepherd turned and as he walked away the farmer heard him say “Well that’s one less diseased and dying sheep I have to worry about, Your pig said he was full of shit anyway.”

Llamas and alpacas

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Q: What’s the diffrenece between llamas and alpacas?
A: Alpacas have more dark meat!

Crocodile in vest

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Q: What do you call an crocodile in a vest?
A: An investigator.

Marsh-mole ows

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Q: What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
A: Marsh-mole-ows!

What rubbish

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Q: What’s worse than one shark coming to dinner?
A: Two sharks coming to dinner

Anything she wants

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Q: What does a giant Tyrannosaurus eat?
A: Anything she wants!

Spanish Goats

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Q :What do you call a Spanish goat with no back legs?
A :Gracias.

Climb a tree

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Q: How do you catch a squirrel interested in ornithology?
A: Climb a tree and act like a nuthatch (Sitta carolinensis).

A swell shark

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Q: What is the keenest kind of shark?
A: A swellshark!

Chistmas to Ewe

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Q: How do sheep greet each other at Christmas?
A: Merry Christmas to Ewe!

Preferred Frogs car

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Q :Whats the preferred car of frogs?
A :The Beetle.

Frogs favourite place

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Q :What is a frogs favorite place to eat?
A :At ihop!

One Wags a tail

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Q: How is a dog and a marine biologist alike?
A: One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.

Gorilla are cheetahs

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Q: Why don’t the gorillas in the jungle play poker any more?
A: There are just too many Cheetahs.

Owl Magician

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Q: What do you call an owl magician?
A: Hoooooo-dini

Teacher

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Once a teacher was teaching the children about stripes animal. Teacher:Aisha stand up and tell me any two names of striped animals. Aisha:Zebra. Teacher:Very good now tell the other name! Aisha:Another zebra.

Bullogna

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Q: What is a cow’s favorite lunch meat?
A: Bullogna

Drizzle bears

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Q: What are polar bears called when they get caught in the rain?
A: Drizzly bears.

Calvin feed hobbes

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Q: What does Calvin feed Hobbes?
A: Nothing he’s already stuffed.

Penguins in Desert

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Q: What do you call a penguin in the desert?
A: Lost!

He is a meat Eater

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Q: Why did the T-Rex eat hamburgers?
A: Because he is a meat eater!

Chicken Crosses the road

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To prove to the possum that it could be done!

Card shark

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Q: What kind of shark is always gambling?
A: A CARDSHARK

porcupine crossing road

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Q: Why did the Porcupine cross the road? A: To prove to the possum that it could be done!

Milk shake

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Q: What do you call an arab next to a cow?
A: Milk Sheikh!

Racist Zebra

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There once were two little zebras who wanted to know if they were white with black stripes, or black with white stripes. One little zebra suggested to visit the “Zebra of the Wise” The two little zebras went to the Zebra of the wise and asked, “Are we black with white stripes, or white with black stripes?” The Zebra of the wise replied ” We are who we are.” The one little zebra said “OK” and ran away. Then the other little zebra followed him. The one little zebra said to the other… ” He didn’t answer us, so what are we?” The one little zebra said ” We are white with black stripes.” The other zebra said “how do you know that.” Then the little zebra said, ” Well if we were black with white stripes he would have said ” We is who we is.”

Farmer become school teacher

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Q: Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?
A: So he could grade his eggs

man with cliff

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Q: What do you call a man with seagull on his head?
A: Cliff

Tweeting on test

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Q: Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?
A: Because he was caught tweeting on a test.

Hare dryer

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Q: What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a leaf blower?
A: A hare dryer!

Chicken cross the road

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road half way?
A: He wanted to lay it on the line!

Cross Parrot With shark

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Q: What do you get when you cross a parrot with a shark?
A: an animal that talks your head off.

Fatty puss

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Q: What do you get if you cross a hungry cat with roast duck? A: A duck-filled-fatty-puss!

Horse and a Chicken

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A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can’t be found. So he drives the farmer’s BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking! A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, “I think I can stand over the hole!” So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, “Grab for my penis and pull yourself up.” And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
Moral of the Story: If you’re hung like a horse, you don’t need a BMW to pick up chicks.

Ten pounds difference

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Q :Whats the difference between your mom and an African Elephant?
A :Ten pounds.

Penguins get money

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Q: Were do penguins get money from?
A: A fishbank.

Anything you like..

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Q. What do you call a dinosaur as tall as a house, with long sharp teeth, 12 claws on each foot and a personal stereo over his ears?
A. Anything you like, he won’t hear you!

Potty-pus

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Q: What do you get when you cross a toilet and a platypus?
A: A potty-pus

Elephant claus

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Q:Who do elephants get their christmas presents from?
A: Elephanta Claus!

Sheep with no legs

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Q: What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A: A cloud.

Clucl o the irish

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Q: What do you get when you cross a chicken and a four-leaf clover?
A: The Cluck o’the Irish!

How many arms Alligators have

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Q: How many arms has a alligator got?
A: Depends how far he has got with eating his dinner!

Knock Knock !!

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Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Goat! Goat who?
Goat to believe in magic.

Scotish toads play

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Q: What do Scottish toads play?
A: Hop-scotch!

Hare -raising tail

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Q: Why did the rabbit like the adventure?
A: It was a “hare-raising tail”

Mooolasses

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Q: What does a cow put on his french toast?
A: Moooolasses.

Bear Your Heart

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Q: How do you apologize to a koala?
A: BEAR your heart and soul.

Bear like Bald man

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Q: Why do polar bears like bald men?
A: Because they have a great, white, bear (uh…bare) place!

Pony sleigh

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Q : What does Rudolph want for Christmas?
A : A pony sleigh station!

Cross cat with Owl

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Q: What do you get when you cross a cat and an owl?
A: Meowls.

Deviled Eggs

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Q: What did the naughty rabbit leave for Easter?
A: Deviled eggs!

Dino-saw

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Q: What type of tool does a prehistoric reptile carpenter use?
A: A dino-saw !

Haha Long Arm of the Law

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Q: What do you get if you cross a giraffes with a police-man ?
A: Long-arm of the Law !

Dino sore

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Q: What did the Tyrannosaurus rex get after mopping the floor?
A: Dino-sore!

Holstain

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Q: What are the spots on black and white cows?
A: Holstains

Dinosaur go extinct

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Q: Why did the dinosaurs go extinct?
A: Because they wouldn’t take a bath!

Slow Poke

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Q: What do you call a turtle with a hard on?
A: A slow poke.

Meals on Wheels

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Q: What did the Polar Bear say when it saw a seal on a skateboard?
A: “Meals on Wheels!”

A Polygon

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Q: What figure describes a lost parrot?
A: A polygon!

Build herself a new House

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Q: Why did the bunny build herself a new house?
A: She was fed up with the hole thing!

Out of the way

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Q: What do you get when a dinosaur blows it’s nose?
A: OUT of the way!!

Beef Jerky

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Q: What do you call a cow with a twitch?
A: Beef Jerky

Ground beef

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Q: What do you call a cow with no legs at all?
A: Ground beef

Barney in an elevator

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Q: What’s green and purple and goes up and down?
A: Barney in an elevator.

Gorilla riding down

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Q :What’s black, brown and white, black, brown and white, brown and white, etc.?
A: A Gorilla riding down a snowbank!

Polar bear go to the movies

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Q: Why shouldn’t you take polar bears to the zoo?
A: Because they’d rather go to the movies.

Tyrannosaurus Flex

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Q: What was the most flexible dinosaur?
A: Tyrannosaurus Flex.

Favourite Kitchen tool

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Q: what is a cats favorite kitchen tool?
A: The “whisker”.

Grab a Bite

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Q: What did the carrot say to the rabbit?
A: Do you want to grab a bite?

Let out a little wine

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Q :What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it?
A :Nothing, it just let out a little wine!

Polar Bear with Harp Seal

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Q: What do you get if you cross a polar bear and a harp seal?
A: A bear faced lyre!

Donkey Auction

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Q: What do you get cross an optimetrist convention and a donkey auction?
A: Two eyegl-asses for the price of one.

Pollunomial Parrots

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Q: What do you call a parrot that doesn’t eat?
A: A polynomeal (polynomial)

Nuts Won’t Fit

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Q: Why don’t squirrels wear skinny jeans?
A: Because their nuts won’t fit

platypus crossing the road

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Q: Why did the platypus cross the road?
A: To show the possum that it could be done.

Cristmias trees

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What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees? “Horn”-aments!

Law of gravity

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Q: Why did the bird get a ticket?
A: It broke the law of gravity!

horn-aments

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Q :What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
A : “Horn”-aments!

Shark cross the road

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Q: Why did the shark cross the road?
A: To get to the other tide!

Tadpole

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Q :What kind of pole is short and floppy?
A :A tadpole!

To get other

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Q :Why did the whale cross the road?
A :To get to the other tide!

Man kills a deer

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A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won’t tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue. Well, he said, ‘It’s what mummy calls me sometimes’. The little girl screams to her brother ‘Don’t eat it, it’s an asshole..

poor skunk

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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night. When it came time to pay, the skunk didn’t have a scent, the deer didn’t have a buck, so they put the meal on the duck’s bill.

Flying reindeer

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Q : how can Santa’s sleigh possibly fly through the air?
A : You would too if you were pulled by flying reindeer!

Cow stop to drink

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Q: Where does a cow stop to drink?
A: The milky way!

Blubber Gum

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Q: What do whales like to chew?
A: Blubber gum!

policeman caught nasty boy

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A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a bb gun in one hand and a ferret in the other. “Now Listen here,” the policeman said, “Whatever you do to that poor, defenseless creature I shall personally do to you” “In that case,” said the boy. “I’ll kiss it’s butt and let it go”

Elephants afraid of cheetahs

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Q :Why don’t elephants like playing cards in the jungle?
A :Because of all the cheetahs!

Santa Jaws

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Q: Who gives alligators presents on Christmas?
A: Santa Jaws!

Squash

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Q :What is an elephants favorite sport?
A :Squash

Frogs having Fun

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A cat told a frog “time flies when you are having fun”
The frog corrected her “Actually it’s time is fun when you’re having flies!”

Millionare rabbit

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Q: Did you hear about the rich rabbit?
A: He was a millionhare!

Koalifications

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Q: Why isn’t the the koala a real bear?
A: He doesn’t have the right koalifications.

He’s Rabbit fan!

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Q: Does the Easter Bunny like baseball?
A:Oh, yes. He’s a rabbit fan!

smell icopter

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Q:What do you call a flying skunk?
A: A smell-icopter.

Long heaird hippo

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Q: What do you call a long haired hippo?
A: A hippy

Unique Rabbit

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Q: How do you catch a unique rabbit?
A: Unique up on it!

Stupid One

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Q: When does a giraffe have 8 legs?
A: When there are two of them!

Rabbit using computer

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Q: What do rabbits put in their computers?
A: Hoppy disks!

He’s a Rain -deer

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Q : Why is Prancer always wet?
A : Because he’s a “rain”-deer!

Chicken crossed the road

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?
A: He was a dirty double crosser!

Unique up on it

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Q: How do you catch a unique bird?
A: Unique up on it.

I liked the books

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A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a ferret sitting next to him. “Are you a ferret?” asked the man, surprised. “Yes.” “What are you doing at the movies?” The ferret replied, “Well, I liked the book.

Fast food is so fast

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Q: Why don’t polar bears like fast food?
A: Because they can’t catch it!

Baboom

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Q: What do you call a monkey in a minefield?
A: Baboom!

The Law Of The Jungle

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Q :What does a Gorilla attorney study?
A :The Law of the jungle!

Billy Idol

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Q :What do you call an unemployed goat?
A :Billy Idol.

Tyrannosaurus want to sit

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Q: Where does a Tyrannosaurus sit when he comes to stay?
A: Anywhere he wants to.

Pride of Giraffe

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Q: Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?
A: It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.

Intelligent Grape

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Q: What did the grape say when the ferret stood on it?
A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine!

A Brr-grrr

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Q: What do polar bears like to eat in the cold?
A: A “brrr”-“grrr”!

Curiosity killed the cat

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Q: Did you hear about the cat who wanted a dog to teach her how to bark?
A: Curiousity killed the cat.

Nice Knawing you

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Q: What did they llama say to the blade of grass?
A: Nice knawing you!

Potato with elephant

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Q :What do you get when you cross a potato with an elephant?
A :Mashed potatoes!

Tiger with a snowman

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Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a snowman?
A: Frostbite!

Elephant weighs nothing

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Q :What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?
A :Its shadow!

Ate a duck

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Q: What do you call a cat who just ate a duck?
A: a duck-filled platy puss.

Otter with carrot

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Q: What do you call an otter with a carrot in each ear?
A: Anything you want as he can’t hear you!

Vampire shark

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Q: What’s worse than being bitten by a shark?
A: Being bitten by a vampire shark

Dino-sewer

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Q: Who makes the best prehistoric reptile clothes ?
A: A dino-sewer !

Long Turtle

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Q: What do you call a turtle with 6 feet?
A: A 6-foot turtle.

Nobody’s herd

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Q: What happened to the lost cattle?
A: Nobody’s herd.

Hourgl-ass

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Q: What do you call a donkey that keeps time?
A: Hourgl-ass

Mommy sharks and daddy

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Q: why did the mommy shark and daddy shark get divorced
A: they no longer loved each other

Skunk with bear

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Q: What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
A: Winnie the PU!

T-Rex eat Hamburgers

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Q: Why did the T-Rex eat hamburgers?
A: Because he is a meat eater!

Santa’s Reindeer

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Q : Which of Santa’s reindeer has bad manners?
A : “Rude”-olph!

Dinosaur with high heals

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Q: What do you call a dinosaur with high heels?
A: My-feet-are-saurus

Raccon learning new language

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Q: When does a Raccoon go “moo”?
A: When it is learning a new language!

moron platy

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Q: Why did the Platypus cross the road?
A: Because he wanted to see his flat mate.

Rabbit hood

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Q: What’s the name of the rabbit who stole from the rich and gave to the
A: Rabbit Hood.

Jockey communicate

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Q: How does a winning jockey communicate with his horse?
A: He lays his cards on the stable.

Grasshover

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Q:What do you call a grasshopper with no legs?
A:A grasshover!

It just let out a wine

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Q: What did the grape say when the otter stood on it?
A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine!

Letter to her friend

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Q: How does a chicken mail a letter to her friend?
A: In a HEN-velope!

Afraid of getting toad

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Q :Why didn’t the frog park on the side of the road?
A :He was afraid of getting toad!

She was a candy

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Q: Did you hear about the donkey that was afraid to speak up for herself?
A: She was a candy-ass.

hitchicking toad

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Q: What do you say to a hitchhiking toad?
A: Hop in!

Sheep Dog with rose

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Q: What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose?
A: A collie-flower!

Triceratops with a kangaroo

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Q: What do you get if you cross a Triceratops with a kangaroo ?
A: A Tricera-hops!

Neigh buzz

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Q: What do you get if you cross a horse with a bee?
A: Neigh buzz

Egg crisize

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Q: How do chickens get strong?
A: Egg-cersize.

Teddy bear race

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Q: How do you start a teddy bear race?
A: Ready, teddy, go!

Caught peepin

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Q: Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?
A: He got caught peeping on a test.

What Does He do?

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One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one. The man asks, ”How much is the yellow one?” The assistant says, ” 2000.” The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it’s so expensive. The assistant explains, ”This parrot is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast.” ”What about the green one?” the man asks. The assistant says, ”He costs 5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes.” ”What about the red one?” the man asks. The assistant says, ”That one’s 10,000.” The man says, ”What does HE do?” The assistant says, ”I don’t know, but the other two call him boss.

Raccoon with carrot

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Q: What do you call an Raccoon with a carrot in each ear?
A: Anything you want as he can’t hear you!

Tiger eats the comedian

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Q: What happened when the tiger ate the comedian ?
A: He felt funny !

Non typical white tail

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Q: What is the defination of a non-typical Whitetail?
A: One that stays off the Highway!

Rubbish

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Q: What makes more noise than a dinosaur ?
A: Two dinosaurs !

Frogs are happy

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Q :Why are frogs so happy?
A :They eat watever bugs them!

Mooooove Over

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Q: What did one cow say to the other?
A: Mooooooove over!

A Guy walks in a bar with his pet Monkey

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A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he’s drinking it the monkey jumps around all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy, “Did you see what your monkey just did?” The guy says, “No, what?” “He just ate the cue ball off my pool table, whole!”, says the bartender. “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replied the patron. “He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I’ll pay for the cue ball and stuff.” He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he’s in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. “Did you see what your monkey did now?”, he asks. “Now what?”, responds the patron. “Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!” says the barkeeper. “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replied the patron. “He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!”

Crocodile comedians

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Q: Why are crocodiles comedians so funny?
A: Their wit is as razor sharp as their teeth!

it all happened so fast

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A sloth named Herman is walking through the forest one day. A gang of snails approach him and beat him up for 7 hours. He is left at the bottom of a tree with several cuts and bruises. Several hours later, he gathers up enough strength to go to a local police station. Herman walks into the Sergeant’s office. “What happened to you? the officer asks. “A gang of snails beat me up,” Herman replied. “Can you describe what they looked like?” “I don’t know,” the sloth says. “It all happened so fast.”

Women call a frog

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A :What do you call a woman with a frog on her head?
Q :Lilly.

Smoking Cigarette

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Q. How do you know when your cat’s done cleaning herself?
A. She’s smoking a cigarette.

grape under porcupine

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Q: What did the grape say when the Porcupine stood on it? A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine!

Brown and white eat hamster

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Q :What is white and brown and eats hamster food?
A: My hamster!

Ferret favourite song

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Q: What is a ferret’s favorite song?
A: Dook, dook, dook, dook of Earl…

March Of Penguins

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Q: What did Morgan Freeman say when Penguins told him they liked March of the Penguins?
A: Why the hell was I narrating it if Penguins can talk

Rabbit with no hair

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Q: What do you get when you find a rabbit with no hair?
A: A hairless hare!

Got milk?

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Q: What did one dairy cow say to another?
A: Got milk?

T-rex cross road

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Q: Why did the t-rex cross the road?
A: Because the chicken hadn’t evolved yet

Horse say to other horse

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Q: What did one horse say to the other horse?
A: The pace is familiar but I can’t remember the mane.

Blonde Pet zebra

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Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot!

Leatherback Sec turtle

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Q: What is a Leatherback Sea Turtles favorite sandwich?
A: Peanut butter and jellyfish.

Bite off your head

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Q: What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head?
A: A tiger moth!

Cuckoo-cluck

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Q: What do you call a crazy chicken?
A: A cuckoo cluck!

Three feet of my cock

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Q:If you had a donkey and I had a chicken and if your donkey ate my chicken what will you have?
A:Three feet of my cock up your ass.

Gorilla with Machine

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Q: What’s black and dangerous and lives in a tree?
A: A gorilla with a machine gun.

Whale of a tale

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Q :How do you make a fish laugh?
A :Tell a whale of a tale.

Mooney

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Q: What do cows get when they do all their chores?
A: Mooney.

Why do you have Breast on your back

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The elephant asked the camel: “Why do you have your breasts on your back?” The camel clearly irritated by the outrage of modesty replies: “What a silly question from someone who has a dick on his face.”

Decalfenated

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Q: What do call a cow that has just had a calf?
A: Decalfenated

In tha pasture

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Q: Where do you put 2 horses that just broken up?
A: In the pasture

Cristmas is coming

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Q : How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming?
A : He looks at his calen-“deer”!

Alchoholic skunk

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A man and his pet skunk walk into a bar. It’s about 5pm, but they’re ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: “Last call.” So, the man says, “One more for me… and one more for my skunk.” The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the skunk falls over dead. The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. The bartender, yells: “Hey buddy, you can’t just leave that lyin’ there.” To which the man replies: “That’s not a lion, that’s a skunk.”

Twelve foot tooth Brush

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Q: What do you get when you cross a giraffe with a hedgehog?
A: A twelve-foot toothbrush

Spelling bee

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Q: What’s more amazing than a talking hippo?
A: A spelling bee!

Fleece Navidad!!

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Q: How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
A: “Fleece Navidad!”

World Weakest Animal

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Q :Whats the world weakest animal?
A :A toad, he croaks if you even touch him!

Gatorade

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Q: What do alligators drink before a race?
A: Gator-Ade.

No Result Found

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Q: What do you get when you cross a polar bear with a rose?
A: I’m not sure – but I wouldn’t try smelling it!

Call a Frozen chart

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Q: What do you call a frozen dog?
A: A pupsicle.

Like A coconut

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Q: How do you catch a Polynesian squirrel?
A: Climb a tree and act like a coconut.

Say to tha puppy

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Q: What did the skeleton say to the puppy?
A: bonappetite

Crocodile with GPS

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Q: What do you call a crocodile with GPS?
A: A Navi-gator.

Prancer always wet

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Q : Why is Prancer always wet?
A : Because he’s a “rain”-deer!

Worst then a bite

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Q :Why couldn’t the Gorilla pitcher make it in the major leagues?
A :His balk was worse than his bite!

Stable diet

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Q: Why are most horses in shape?
A: Because they are on a stable diet.

Call group of chicken

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Q: What do you call a group of chickens clucking in unison?
A: A Hensemble.

terrible lawyers

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Q: Why do sharks make terrible lawyers?
A: They’re too nice!

Toad die

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Q :How did the toad die?
A :He simply croaked!

Tiger Eat Lion

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Q: Would you rather have a tiger eat your or a lion?
A: I would rather have a tiger eat a lion.

Shell Block

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Q: Where do you send turtles who commit crimes?
A: To the shell-block.

Shark terk

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Q: What is a sharks favorite sci-fi show
A: Shark Trek

Squirrel For the Holiday

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Q: How do you catch a squirrel for the holidays?
A: Climb a tree and act like nutmeg.

Morse Toad

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Q :What goes dot-dot-croak, dot-dash-croak?
A :Morse toad!

To prove his Possum

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Q: Why did the Koala cross the road?
A: To prove to the possum that it could be done!

Cross gator and Poison Frog

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Q :What do you get when you cross a gator and a poison frog?
A :A croakadile.

Headmaster and Buflings

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Q: What do headmasters and bullfrogs have in common?
A: Both have big heads that consist mostly of mouth!

Different between OJ simpson

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Q: What’s the difference between OJ Simpson and the Sharks?
A: OJ Simpson had a more credible defence…

Healthy Rabbit

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Q: What’s the difference between a healthy rabbit and an odd rabbit?
A: One is a fit bunny, and the other’s a bit funny!

Wear Sunglasses

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Q : Why did the reindeer wear sunglasses to the Christmas party?
A : Because he didn’t want to be recognised!

Nasty Wife

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A guy brings a raccoon home , tells his wife it’s a pet. She asks , “Where are you going to keep it?” He repies , “In the bedroom.” “But what about that horrible nasty smell?’ , she asks. “I got used to you , I’m sure he will too!

Sas-gorilla

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Q: What’s a monkey’s favourite drink?
A: A sas-gorilla.

Otter knows how to drive ?

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Q: An otter and an otter are in a car, who’s driving?
A: Animal Control

Avagadro is so rich

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Q: Why is Avogadro so rich?
A: He’s a multi-mole-ionare!

Pickup your truck

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A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of badgers. He pulls the guy over and says… “You can’t drive around with badgers in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately.” The guy says “OK”… and drives away. The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of badgers, and they’re all wearing sun glasses. He pulls the guy over and demands… “I thought I told you to take these badgers to the zoo yesterday?” The guy replies… “I did . . . today I’m taking them to the beach!”

Donkey that can go

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Q: What do you call a Donkey that can go 0-40 in 3.4 seconds?
A: Fibergl-ass

Embarrassed Elephant

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Q :What’s grey but turns red?
A :An embarrassed elephant!

one night challenge for man

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According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa’s reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl. We should’ve known… ONLY women would be able to drag a fat jolly old man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

600 Pound Gorilla

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Q:What do you feed a 600 pound Gorilla?
A:Anything it wants!

Box of quackers

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Q: What do you call a crate of ducks?
A: A box of quackers

Do sitting on Rabbit

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Q: What do you call a cold dog sitting on a rabbit?
A: A chili dog on a bun!

Big Fingers

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Q: Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
A: Because they have big fingers!

End of the rainbow

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Q :Where do frogs keep their treasure?
A :In a croak of gold at the end of the rainbow!

Cross owl with oester

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Q: What do you get when you cross an owl and an oyster?
A: Pearls of Wisdom

Farmer like a maigcian

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Q: When is a farmer like a magician?
A: When he turns his cow into pasture.

Cow laughs to hard

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Q: What happens when a cow laughs too hard?
A: It Cowlapses!

Little wine

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Q: What did the grape say when the Lemur stood on it?
A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine!

They beat eggs

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Q: Why don’t chickens like people?
A: They beat eggs!

blind reindeer

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Q : What do you call a blind reindeer?
A : No eye deer (no idea)

prove my possum

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Q: Why did the badger cross the road? A: To prove to the possum that it could be done!

Chickens foot

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Q: Why did the piece of gum cross the road?
A: Because it was stuck to the chicken’s foot.

Bones in the ground

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Q: Why do dogs bury bones in the ground?
A: Because you can’t bury them in trees!

Blind Jockey in a race

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blind jockey

A jockey is about to enter an race on a new horse. The horse’s trainer meets him before the race and says, “All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, ‘ALLLLEEE OOOP!’ really loudly in the horse’s ear. Providing you do that, you’ll be fine.”

The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer’s ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers “Aleeee ooop” in the horse’s ear. The same thing happens – the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, “It’s no good, I’ll have to do it,” and yells, “ALLLEEE OOOP!” really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third.

The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong. The jockey replies, “Nothing is wrong with me – it’s this bloody horse. What is he – deaf or something?”

The trainer replies, “Deaf? Deaf?! He’s not deaf. He’s blind!” 😀 😀

Its whale Of a Tale

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Q: Have you heard of Flight of the Penguins (sequel to March)?
A: Its a whale of a tale

Shell-arious ones

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Q: What kind of jokes do sea turtles tell?
A: Shell-arious ones!

show your skunks

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Q: How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?
A: A phew!

Frogs listens music

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Q :What kind of music do frogs listen to?
A :Hip Hop

Baaa-stile day

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Q: What do you call sheep taking over France?
A: Baaaa-stile Day.

Monkey go to drink

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Q: Where do monkeys go to drink?
A: The monkey bars!

Tiger on a Pogo Stick

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Q: Whats striped and bouncy?
A: A tiger on a pogo stick!

Mooooved to tear

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Q: What do you call a sad cow?
A: Mooooved to tears.

Call a Dinasaur

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Q: What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?
A: Try and try and try and try-ceratops

Gazalles

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What’s red and white and gives presents to gazelles? Santelope!

what are you doing?

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A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a grasshopper sitting next to him. “Are you a grasshopper?” asked the man, surprised. “Yes.” “What are you doing at the movies?” The grasshopper replied, “Well, I liked the book.

Coutnt them all

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Q: Can you name 10 dinosaurs in 10 seconds?
A: Yes, 8 Iguanadons and 2 Stegasaurus.

Bird that talks

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Q: What do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark?
A: A bird that talks your ear off!

Monkey’s Uncle

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Q: Did you hear about the man who can jump from tree to tree?
A: He was a monkey’s uncle.

Find somewhere else to sleep

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Q: What should you do if you find a dinosaur in your bed ?
A: Find somewhere else to sleep!

Caramel coated popcorn

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Q: What brand of caramel-coated popcorn and peanuts do sharks prefer?
A: Cracker Sharks

Lawn moo-er

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Q :What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A :A lawn moo-er.

Tiger sing at Christmas

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Q: What do tigers sing at Christmas?
A: Jungle bells!jungle bells!

Hippo with carrot

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Q: What do you call a hippo with a carrot in each ear?
A: Anything you want as he can’t hear you!

At the Spawn shop

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Q :Where do you get frogs eggs?
A :At the spawn shop!

Owl caught in the act

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Q: What do you call an owl caught in the act?
A: Spotted!

Old neigh-vy

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Q: Where do horses shop?
A: Old Neigh-vy!

Horse that lose a race

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Q: What do you call a horse that can’t lose a race?
A: Sherbet

Gorilla playing quiddtich

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Q: What do you call a gorilla playing quidditch?
A: A hairy potter!!

moltiplication

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Q: What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
A: Moletiplication

Stork stand on one leg

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Q: Why does a stork stand on one leg?
A: Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.

Bugs Bunny !

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Q: What do you get when you cross an insect and a rabbit?
A: Bugs Bunny!

Saturday morning

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It was Saturday morning and John, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Mary, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage. John asks her, “What are you up to?” Mary smiles, “I’m going hunting with you!” John, though he has many reservations, reluctantly decides to take her along. They arrive at the hunting site. John sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her: “If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I’ll come running back as soon as I hear the shot.” John walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Mary couldn’t bag an elephant — much less a deer. But not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, John starts running back. As John gets closer to her stand, he hears Mary screaming, “Get away from my deer!” Confused, John races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, “Get away from my deer!” followed by another volley of gunfire. Now within sight of where he had left his wife, John is surprised to see a cowboy, with his hands high in the air. The cowboy, obviously distraught, says, “Okay, lady, okay! You can have your deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!”‘

Farmers milk them dry

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Q: Why don’t cows have any money?
A: Because farmers milk them dry

Milking stool have

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Q: Why does a milking stool have only three legs?
A: Because the cow has the udder

Avagadro love to mash

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Q: Avogadro loved to watch MASH. Which character did he like most?
A: Father Molecahy

Talkin Owl

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Q: What’s more amazing than a talking Owl?
A: A spelling bee!

Cross a gator

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Q: What do you get when you cross a gator and a poison frog?
A: A croak-odile.

Dear calls hunters

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Q: What do deers call hunters?
A: Doe foes.

Wears big and grey masks

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Q :What’s big and grey and wears a mask?
A :The elephantom of the opera!

Goat With Beer

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Q :What do you call a goat with a beard?
A :Goatee!

Reindeer wera fur coats

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Q : Why do reindeer wear fur coats?
A : Because they would look silly in plastic macs!

Owl owling

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Q: Why did the owl, owl?
A: Because the woodpecker would peck ‘er!

Chicks to talk

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Q: Why is it easy for chicks to talk?
A: Because talk is cheep!

Evaporated milk

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Q: What does an invisible man drink?
A: Evaporated milk!

Out oh the way

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Q: What do you get when a dinosaur sneezes?
A: Out of the way!

I’m Saying Grace

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An Arctic explorer came face to face with a polar bear. Afraid of being eaten, he fell to his knees and started praying. When the polar bear knelt down beside him and started praying too, the man shouted, “It’s a miracle!” The polar bear opened one eye and said “Don’t talk while I’m saying grace.”

Human balls

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Q: What do cat sharks cough up?
A: Human balls.

lazy workers :D

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Q : How many reindeer does it take to change a light bulb?
A : Eight! One to screw in the light bulb and seven to hold Rudolph down!

Dino-Store

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Q: Where did Velociraptor buy things?
A: At a dino-store!

Star warts

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Q: What do you get if cross a science fiction film with a toad?
A: Star Warts!

The Bear Hug

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Q :Which technique does a Gorilla borrow from another animal when it gets romantic?
A :The bear hug!

Tiger lily

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Q: What is the fiercest flower in the garden?
A: A tiger lily!

Blubbering Gum

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Q :What did the shark say to the whale?
A: What are you blubbering about?

Camel most useful Animal

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This general in the Foreign Legion is transferred to a new fort, and half way through his tour of the place, he spots a mangey old camel tied up at the back of the fort. He turns to the corporal: “What in God’s name do you use that for?”, he asks. The corporal replies “Well, sir, there are a lot of men, and now and then, they become, shall we say, horny….” “Ah, yes, yes, I understand. Fine, move on” About 6 weeks later, the general wakes up feeling so horny, he’d get up on the crack of dawn and calls the corporal. “Bring me to the camel” says he. The corporal does, and once at the camel, he makes it stand up, and places a stool behind it. With that, the general stands on the stool, takes out Mr Floppy and inserts it into the camel. He then proceeds to give it the ride of its life. Having finished, he puts away his equipment, and looks proudly at the corporal. “Well”, he says, “is that the way you men do it around here?” “Er…no, sir”, replies the corporal, “We normally just use the camel to ride to the nearest brothel.”

Play cards in Jungle

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Q: Why don’t monkeys play cards in the jungle?
A: There are too many cheetahs there!

Rabbit wearing Glasses

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Q: How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?
A: Because you never see a rabbit wearing glasses!

A little otter

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Q: What would you rather be, a polar bear or a little otter.
A: A little (h)otter

Leap year

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Q :What is a frogs favorite time?
A :Leap Year!

Two rabbits on rollerblades

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Q: What is white and has long ears, whiskers, and sixteen wheels?
A: Two rabbits on Rollerblades!

Hamster upset with his job

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Q :Why was the Hamster upset with his job?
A: It didn’t pay enough salary (celery).

Anywhere he wants too

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Q: Where does a tiger sleep?
A: Anywhere he wants to!

Take me to your litter

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Q: What did the alien say to the cat?
A: Take me to your litter.

Hello-hello

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Q: What do you say when you meet a two-headed dinosaur?
A: Hello, hello!

Shark make the best

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Q: What kind of sharks make the best pog players?
A: Slammerheads!

not good for health

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Q : Why is a reindeer like a gossip?
A : Because they are both tail bearers

Cross polar bear with seal

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Q: What do you get when you cross a polar bear with a seal?
A: A polar bear.

Drinking crazy

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A man and his pet seagull walk into a bar. It’s about 5pm, but they’re ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: “Last call.” So, the man says, “One more for me… and one more for my seagull.” The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the seagull falls over dead. The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. The bartender, yells: “Hey buddy, you can’t just leave that lyin’ there.” To which the man replies: “That’s not a lion, that’s a seagull.”

Girls of my Ex-boyfriend

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Q :Girl: One of my ex-boyfriends sounds like an owl. Boy:
A :Who?

Stinky winkey donkey

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Q: What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye while breaking wind ? A:
A stinkey winkey wonkey donkey

Bite the bullet

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Q: Why shouldn’t you shoot an alligator?
A: He’ll just bite the bullet and make the best of it.

Raccoon stand on it

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Q: What did the grape say when the Raccoon stood on it?
A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine!

Talking lemur…

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Q: What’s more amazing than a talking Lemur?
A: A spelling bee!

A battered puss

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Q: What do you call a deep fried platypus?
A: A battered-pus

Frog in bathtub

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Q : What happens when you mix a frog with a bathtub scrubby-mit?
A : A rubbit!

Feet are Saurus

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Q: What do you call a dinosaur with high heels?
A: My-feet-are-saurus

End of th window

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Q: Where do toads keep their treasure?
A: In a croak of gold at the end of the rainbow!

Policeman caught Nasty Boy

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A policeman caught a nasty little Australian boy with a BB gun in one hand and a koala in the other. “Now Listen here,” the policeman said, “Whatever you do to that poor, defenseless creature I shall personally do to you” “In that case,” said the boy. “I’ll kiss it’s butt and let it go”

Dusky husky

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Q: What do you call a black Eskimo dog?
A: A dusky husky!