Lit FunHilarious jokes, funny emails & pictures to your mailbox |
litfun.com |
|
||||||||||
|
|
Get me a beer before it starts  (10 votes, average: 4.2 out of 5) Loading ...A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, “Get me a beer before it starts.” The wife sighs and gets him a beer. Fifteen minutes later, he says, “Get me another beer before it starts.” She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him. He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, “Quick, get me another beer, it’s going to start any minute.”
“Is that all you’re going to do tonight? Drink beer and sit in front of that TV? You’re nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob and furthermore . . .” The man sighs and says, “It’s started.” I got in the back seat by mistake (3 votes, average: 4.67 out of 5) Loading ...A drunken man phoned the local police department to report that thieves had been in his car. “They have stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator,” he cried out.
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time, and the same voice came over the line. “Never mind,” the drunk said with a hiccup. “I got in the back seat by mistake.” Control over wife (9 votes, average: 3.78 out of 5) Loading ...There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet. After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, “well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?” The third fellow says “I’ll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees.” The first two guys were amazed. “What happened then?” They asked. She said, “get out from under the bed and fight like a man”. Time to go home (5 votes, average: 3.4 out of 5) Loading ...A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini.
The bartender says, “Look, buddy, I’ll bring ya’ martinis all night long but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill.” The customer replies, “I’m peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it’s time to go home.” I have sipt in this beer, do not drink (4 votes, average: 4 out of 5) Loading ...A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the toilet.
He doesn’t want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, “I have sipt in this beer, do not drink!”. After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, “So did I!” |
|
|
