Q: What did the polar bear say when it saw the igloo?
A: “Oooo! I LOVE these things! Crunchy on the outside – with a nice chewy center!”
Q :What do you call an elephant with a rabbit up it’s sweater?
Q: What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time?
A: Sandy Claws!
Q: Did you hear about the rich rabbit?
A: He was a millionhare!
Q: What’s smarter than a talking parrot?
A: A spelling bee
Q: Why did the parrot wear a raincoat?
A: Because she wanted to be a Polly unsaturated!
Q: What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye?
A: CHICKEN CAESER SALAD (CHICKEN SEES A SALAD)
Q: What animals do you bring to bed?
A: Your calves.
Q :What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
A :Beer nuts are a $1.25 but deer nuts are always under a buck.
Q: What is a cow’s favorite lunch meat?
Q: What do you call a dinosaur that eats fireworks?
A: A dino-mite
Q :Why did the actor fire his Gorilla agent?
A :The big Ape kept wanting to take more than a 10% bite!
Q: What do you call a sheep that is always quiet?
A: A shhhheep!
Q: Why did the dinosaur paint her toenails red?
A: So she could hide in the strawberry patch!
Santa: yar bachapan wich me 10 manjil toh kud gya si,
Banta: fer bach gya si ke mar gyi si?
Santa: pta nahi yar badi purani gal h.
Q :When does a hamster take a bath?
A: When no one’s looking!
Q: What does an alarm cluck say?
Q: What do you get when you cross a sheep and a porcupine?
A: An animal that can sew its own sweaters.
Q: What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?
A: Try-Try-Try-ceratops !
US tourists, a man and his wife are traveling in the Middle East. An Arab approaches the husband, saying, “I’ll give you 100 camels for your woman.”
After a long silence, the husband says, “She’s not for sale.”
The indignant wife says, “What took you so long to answer?”
The husband replied, “I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home.”
A man staggers into the emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, and a five iron wrapped around his neck. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened. “Well, it was like this” said the man. “I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around I noticed that one of the cows had something white in it’s rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife’s monogram on it stuck right in the middle of the cow’s butt. Thats when I made my mistake.” “What did you do?”, asked the doctor. “Well, I lifted the tail, pointed, and yelled to my wife, “Hey! This looks like yours!”
A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a bb gun in one hand and a grasshopper in the other. “Now Listen here,” the policeman said, “Whatever you do to that poor, defenseless creature I shall personally do to you” “In that case,” said the boy. “I’ll kiss it’s butt and let it go”
Q: What do you call a sad cow?
A: Mooooved to tears.
Q: What’s the difference between a strawberry and a Tyrannosaurus?
A: The strawberry is red!
A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night. When it came time to pay, the skunk didn’t have a scent, the deer didn’t have a buck, so they put the meal on the duck’s bill.
Q :What do you call a goat with one ear?
A :Van goat.
Q: What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
A: A b-aa-aa-aa-d situation.
Q: What do you get if you cross a zebra with an ape man?
A: Tarzan with stripes.
An old penny pincher had no friends. Just before he died he asked his doctor, lawyer, and pastor to gather around him at bedside.
“I have always heard that you can’t take it with you. But I want to disprove that theory,” he said. “I have $90,000 under my mattress, and when I die, just before they throw the dirt on me at my burial, I want you each to toss in an envelope with $30,000 within.”
The three attended the funeral and each threw his envelope in the grave. On the way back from the cemetery, the pastor said, “I must confess. I needed $10,000 for my new church, so I only threw in $20,000.”
The doctor then said, “I must confess too. I needed $20,000 for a new hospital I was opening up, so I only threw in $10,000.”
The lawyer looked at them both and shook his head. He then said, “Gentlemen, I’m surprised, shocked, and ashamed of you. I don’t see how you could dare to go against that man’s final wish. I mean, I threw in my personal check for the full amount”
Q: What do you call a donkey that was born with a brain injury?
A: A dumb ass!!!
Q: What is the cat’s favorite TV show?
A: The evening mews!
Q: Do you know why the cow jumped over the moon?
A: The farmer had cold hands.
Q. What do you call a dinosaur as tall as a house, with long sharp teeth, and 12 claws on each foot?
A man and his pet porcupine walk into a bar. It’s about 5pm, but they’re ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: “Last call.” So, the man says, “One more for me… and one more for my porcupine.” The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the porcupine falls over dead. The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. The bartender, yells: “Hey buddy, you can’t just leave that lyin’ there.” To which the man replies: “That’s not a lion, that’s a porcupine.”
Q: What do you call an otter with a carrot in each ear?
A: Anything you want as he can’t hear you!