Teenage mutant ninja turtle

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Q: What happens when you get into fight with a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle?
A: You get shell shocked.

Sandy clawss

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Q: What do you call a tiger that likes to dig in the sand?
A: Sandy claws!

A grow

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Q: What do you call an owl with a deep voice?
A: A growl!

Lawyers are clever

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An old penny pincher had no friends. Just before he died he asked his doctor, lawyer, and pastor to gather around him at bedside.

“I have always heard that you can’t take it with you. But I want to disprove that theory,” he said. “I have $90,000 under my mattress, and when I die, just before they throw the dirt on me at my burial, I want you each to toss in an envelope with $30,000 within.”

Clever lawyer

The three attended the funeral and each threw his envelope in the grave. On the way back from the cemetery, the pastor said, “I must confess. I needed $10,000 for my new church, so I only threw in $20,000.”

The doctor then said,
“I must confess too. I needed $20,000 for a new hospital I was opening up, so I only threw in $10,000.”

The lawyer looked at them both and shook his head. He then said, “Gentlemen, I’m surprised, shocked, and ashamed of you. I don’t see how you could dare to go against that man’s final wish. I mean, I threw in my personal check for the full amount”

Dinosaur lay in the sun

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Q: Where does a dinosaur lay in the sun?
A: At the dino-shore

Bring toilet paper

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Q :Why does the elephant bring toilet paper to the party?
A :Because he is a party pooper.

An Expert Dele Gator

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Q: Did you hear about the crocodile who became a congressman?
A: He was an expert dele-gator.

He was Chicken

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Q: Why did the rooster run away?
A: He was chicken!

little wine

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Q: What did the grape say when the badger stood on it?
A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine!

mattypus

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Q: What do you get when you cross a platypus and a long division problem? A: A Mathypus.

Have a stupid dog

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Q: How can if you have a stupid dog?
A: It chases parked cars!

Scientist Crossed zebra and Donkey

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Q: Did you know that scientists crossed a zebra and a donkey?
A: They called it a zeedonk.

Sergeants in tha army

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Q: How are tigers are like sergeants in the army?
A: They both wear stripes!

Mole bites the Dog

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Q: What happens when a mole bites a dog?
A: He becomes Moleicious!

Zebra Went To heaven

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A zebra went to heaven. When he saw St. Peter he asked him “You know, I have always wondered, am I a white horse with black stripes or a black horse with white stripes?” St. Peter said he would have to ask God that question since he’s the one that made him.

So the zebra asked God, “God, am I a white horse with black stripes or a black horse with white stripes?”
God answered, “You are what you are.”

The zebra left and came upon St. Peter and told him,
“Well I asked God if I was a white horse with black stripes or a black horse with white stripes…”
“What was the answer,” St. Peter asked.

“Well I still don’t know. All He said was: ‘You are what you are.”‘

“Well that answers it,” Said St. Peter. “You’re a white horse with black stripes.”

“How do you know that?” asked the zebra.

“Well if you were a black horse with white stripes He would have said: “You is what you is”.

Cross dogs with frog

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Q: What do you get if you cross a dog with a frog?
A: A dog that can lick you from the other side of the road!

Raining cats and dogs

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Q: What happens when a dog chases a cat into a geysur?
A: It starts raining cats and dogs.

Odor in the court

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Q: What did the judge say when a skunk entered the courtroom? A: Odor in the court!

Stand up comedy

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Q: Why doesn’t anybody like the stand-up comedy of Margaret Shark? A: She bites!

Ptera Don

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Q: What is the head of an Italian dinosaur family called?
A: Ptera Don

Long back..

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Long back,
A person who sacrificed his sleep,
forgot his family,
forgot his food,
forgot laughter were called “SAINTS”

But now they are called….
….
….
..
..
..
.

it-professional-joke

.
.
.

“IT professionals/ Logistics Professionals”

Give practical example of this principle

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Math Teacher :
If a=b  and b=c then a=c,
now give me the practical example of this principle from real life.

Math-student
Student
:
I love you sir
and you love your daughter
which means I love your daughter.

One hump at a time

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Q: How do you have sex with a camel?
A: One hump at a time.

Cross turtle with Flu Shock

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Q: What do you get when you cross a turtle and a flu shot?
A: a slow-poke.

Drinking Eve

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man and his pet grasshopper walk into a bar. It’s about 5pm, but they’re ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: “Last call.” So, the man says, “One more for me… and one more for my grasshopper.” The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the grasshopper falls over dead. The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. The bartender, yells: “Hey buddy, you can’t just leave that lyin’ there.” To which the man replies: “That’s not a lion, that’s a grasshopper.”

Isko bolo humne Hajj bi kia hai

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1 Pathan Eid ki Namaz parh raha tha
.
To dosra usky bare mai kesi ko bata raha tha ke yai boht Namazi owr naik banda hai.
.
Pathan Namaz thor kar bola:
Es ko bolo ke “hum ne Haj bhi kia hai”

Bankrupt Cowboy

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Q: Why can’t the bankrupt cowboy complain?
A: He’s got no beef.

Not so strong tonight, are you Batman?

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There was a guy in a bar one night that got really drunk. I mean really, really, really drunk. When the bar closed he got up to go home.

As he stumbled out the door, he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk. So he stumbled over to the nun and punched her in the face.

Drunk-man

Well the nun was really surprised but before she could do or say anything he punched her again.

This time she fell down and he stumbled over to her and kicked her , then he picked her up and threw her into a wall.

By this time the nun was pretty weak and couldn’t move very much, so then he stumbled over to her, put his face right next to hers and said, “Not so strong tonight, are you Batman?”

Taalking frog

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Q :What do you call a talking frog?
A :A quantum leap.

Shark throw his Clock

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Q: Why did the shark throw his clock out the window?
A: He wanted to see time fly!

Brave men of army

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General McKenzie was in charge of the Navy and he was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. McKenzie arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and McKenzie asks: “So how are your men?”

“Very well trained, Gral. McKenzie.

“I hope so. You see, my men over at the Navy are so well trained, you could see they’re the bravest men all over the country.” “Well, my men are very brave, too.”

Army officer with wife

“I’d like to see that.”

So Marshall calls private Cooper and says: “Private Johnson! I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body!”

“Are you crazy? It’d kill me, you idiot! I’m out of here!” As private Johnson ran away, Marshall turned to a bewildered McKenzie and said:

“You see? You have to be pretty brave to talk like that to a general.”

Catch a Gay Squirrel

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Q: How can you catch a gay squirrel?
A: Climb a tree and pretend to be an almond (botanically speaking, almonds are fruits).

cleanest antlers

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Q :Which reindeer has the cleanest antlers?
A : Comet!

Butter on the farm

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Q :What do you call the best ‘butter’ on the farm?
A :A goat!

Gorila griller

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Q. Why did the ape run around with a piece of raw meat on his head?
A. He thought he was a gorilla. (griller)

A dumb Ass!!

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Q: What do you call a donkey that was born with a brain injury?
A: A dumb ass!!!

Ahmed with a big smile

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There was a young man named Ahmed who bought a donkey from old farmer Farouk for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. When Farouk drove up the next day he says, ‘I am sorry but I have some bad news – the donkey is on my truck but he be dead.’

Ahmed replies, ‘Well then, just give me my money back.’
‘Can’t do that,’ burrs the farmer, ‘I went out and spent it already.’

Ahmed sighs, ‘OK just unload the donkey anyway.’
Farouk then asks, ‘What are you gonna do with a dead donkey an’ that?’ I’ll raffle him off,’ laughs Ahmed.

The farmer exclaimed, ‘Aargh, you can’t raffle off a dead donkey.’

But Ahmed with a big smile on his face tells Farouk, ‘Sure I can. Watch.
Just don’t tell anyone the donkey is dead.’

A month later the farmer Farouk met up with Ahmed and asks,
‘Whatever happened to that dead donkey?’Funny Donkey Story

Ahmed answers, ‘I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at $2.00 each and made a huge profit.’

Totally amazed the farmer Farouk enquires, ‘Didn’t anyone complain that you had stolen their money because you lied about the donkey being dead?’

‘The only one who found out about the donkey being dead was the raffle winner,’ chuckled Ahmed, ‘so when he came to claim his prize I gave him his $2.00 back plus $200.00 extra, which is double the going value of a dead donkey, so he thought I was a great fellow.’

What the Fuc** dude..!!

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A koala is sitting up a Eucalypt tree … smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past and looks up and says, “Hey Koala ! What are you doing?” The koala says: “Smoking a joint, come up and have some.” So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a few joints. After a while the little lizard says his mouth is ‘dry’ and is going to get a drink from the river. But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river. A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the little lizard: “What’s the matter with you?” The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the Eucalypt tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink. The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the rain forest, finds the Eucalypts tree where the koala is sitting finishing a joint, and he looks up and says “Hey you!” So the koala looks down at him and says: “WTFFFF dude … how much water did you drink?

Santa lambi drive te

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Jeeto: asi kithe ja rahe h?

santa:lambi drive te.

Jeeto: pehla dasna si, me bachiya nu v le ana si!

Santa: mainu v kehda kithe pta si, gaddi de break hune fail hoye h.

Rep . Tile

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Q: What do you call a dinosaur who is elected to Congress?
A: Rep. Tile!

Missed match socks

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Q: What do you call a mismatched pair of socks in the wash?
A: Evidence.

Waiting for her husband

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wife-waiting-for-husband

Wife waiting for husband with three domestic weapons 😛

What did the chicken Do?

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This guy inherits a parrot when his friend dies. But the parrot wont stop swearing at him, calling him a dumb f*ck, a c*nt, and a bunch of other names. The guy tries everything to get this bird to stop swearing. Nothing works. He finally gets fed up and sticks him in the freezer. Even from in there, he hears him cussing him out. Then the parrot falls silent. The guy thinks Ohh shit I killed him. He opens the freezer. The parrot hops out saying, ” Very sorry for how I spoke to you, sir. I just have one question… What did the chicken do?”

Saint Cowboy

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The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a ferret walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn’t believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the ferret’s mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!” “Not really,” said the ferret. “Your name is written inside the cover.”

Sparrow-chute

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Q: How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?
A: With its sparrowchute.

Sexy elephant figure

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In an elephant’s school, some loafer elephants were hanging around in the canteen. A sexy female elephant passes by the canteen.

Sexy elephant figure

Then one of the elephants says: “Look yaar, 3600 – 2400 – 3600!!”

Sheeps on vication

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Q: Where do sheep go on vacation?
A: To the baaaaaahamas.

Penguin In a Gas station

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A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. While doing thisthe clerk spots two penguins sitting on the back seat of the car. He asks the driver, “What’s up with the penguins in the back seat?” The man in the car says, “I found them. I asked myself what to do with them but, I haven’t a clue.” The clerk ponders a bit then says, “You should take them to the zoo.” “Yeah, that’s a good idea,” says the man in the car and drives away. The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car. “Hey, they’re still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo!” “Oh, I did,” says the driver, “and we had a great time. Today I’m taking them to the beach.”

Difference between Cat and Frog

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Q :What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?
A :A Cat has nine lives but a Frog croaks every night!

At the South Pole

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Q: Where do penguins go swimming?
A: At the South Pool!

Bush, Laaloo and dog

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Bush: Tujhe swimming aati hai?
Laaloo: No!

Bush:Tere se kutta acha hai jo swim kar leta hai.
Laaloo: Tujhe aati hai?

Swimmer dog

Bush:Haan!
Laaloo: Fir tere mein aur kutte mein kya farak hai…

Dino-mite

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Q: What do you call a dinosaur that eats fireworks?
A: A dino-mite

Shooting in my shorts

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Q: Have you ever hunted bear?
A: No, but I’ve been shooting in my shorts!

Credit Card

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Q: How do you stop a bull from charging?
A: Take away his credit card!

Mcdonald’s run out of Chicken

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Q: Why did McDonald’s run out of chicken McNuggets?
A: The farmer counted his chickens before they hatched.

Croakus

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Q: What’s a toads favorite flower?
A: A croakus!

Miss Ape-ril!

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Q:How did Gertie Gorilla make the ‘Playboy’ Calendar?
A:She was ‘Miss Ape-ril!’

Cougar croosed the road

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Q: Why did the cougar cross the road?
A: To prove to the possum that it could be done!

Goat playin the piano

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Q :What do you call a goat playing the piano?
A :Billy Joel.

Abrahmster lincoln

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Q :What do you call a hamster with a top hat?
A: Abrahamster Lincoln

Cow is a best dancer

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Q: How can you tell which cow is the best dancer?
A: Wait til one busts a moooooove

Bunny Rabit

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Q :What do you get when you cross a frog with a rabbit?
A :A bunny ribbit.

Tourist in sleeping bag

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Q: What did the polar bears say when they saw tourists in sleeping bags?
A: “Sandwiches!”

Chick dissapoint his mother

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Q: Why did the chick disappoint his mother?
A: He wasn’t what he was cracked up to be!

Somethin about Owl

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Q: Did you hear the one about the owl?
A: It was a hoot.

Picnic Basket

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Q: What was Yogi bear looking for in the picnic basket?
A: Just the “Bear” necessities.

Sun burned Zebra

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Q: Whats black and white and red all over?
A: A sun-burned zebra!

Elephant with spare parts

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Q :What has 3 tails, 4 trunks and 6 feet?
A :An elephant with spare parts!

Sheep takes a bath

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Q: Where do sheeps take a bath?
A: In a baaaa-th tub!

Cheer him up

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Q: What do you do if you find a blue Ichthyosaur ?
A: Cheer him up

Name six wild animals

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Q :Teacher: “Name six wild animals”
A :Students:”Four elephants and two lions!”

Sheep go when they die

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Q: Where do sheep go when they die?
A: To the baa baa que.

Llama – ables

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Q: What did the llama have for dinner?
A: Llama-ables

Beggar and software developer

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A beggar meets another beggar. A software engineer meets another software engineer.

Both of them ask the same question to each other.
What is the question ???

beggar and software developer

So, Which Platform are you Working on ???

Cross parrot with Gorilla

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Q : What happens if you cross a parrot with a Gorilla?
A : Nobody is sure, but if it opened its mouth to speak, you’d listen!

Anywhere wants to

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Q: Where does a cougar sleep?
A: Anywhere he wants to!

Turtle Wax

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Q: Why is turtle wax so expensive?
A: Because their ears are so small!

Short Dinosaur

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Q: Do you know how long dinosaurs should be fed?
A: Exactly the same as short dinosaurs!

Big ho peep

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Q :Who lost a herd of elephants?
A :Big bo peep!

Banarama..

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Q: What’s a gorilla’s favourite pop group?
A: Bananarama!

Call 114 frogs

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Q :What do you call 144 frogs in a box?
A :Gross!

Penguin Rolling Down

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Q: What’s black, white, black, white, black, white, black, white?
A: A penguin rolling down a hill

Shark Avoid serving

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Q: How did the shark avoid serving in the army?
A: He was a conscientious ob-shark-ter

Deer with no eyes

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Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A: I have no I-Deer

Fortune Cookie

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Q: What do you call a food stamp inside of a burrito?
A: An otter fortune cookie

Zebra black and White peace

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Q: What is black and white and eats like a horse?
A: A zebra.
I suppose when you’ve seen one lion catch a zebra, you’ve seen a maul.

Polar bear into refrigerator

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Q: How do you put a polar bear into a refrigerator?
A: It’s easy – just open the door. Polar bears like cold places.

Giraffe winning a horse race

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Q: What do you call a giraffe winning a horse race?
A: A longshot.

Mos-cows

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Q: Where do Russians get their milk?
A: From Mos-cows

Get into Donners house

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Q : How do you get into Donner’s house?
A : You ring the “deer”-bell!

Peeling well..

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Q: Why did the gorilla go to the doctor?
A: Because his banana wasn’t peeling very well!

Green Pistachio Nuts

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Q: How do you catch an Irish squirrel?
A: Climb a tree and act like a green pistachio nut.

my wife smells nasty

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A guy brings a Lemur home , tells his wife it’s a pet. She asks , “Where are you going to keep it?” He repies , “In the bedroom.” “But what about that horrible nasty smell?’ , she asks. “I got used to you , I’m sure he will too!”

Call9 9 rabbits

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Q: What do you call 99 rabbits stepping backwards?
A: A receding hare line!

Cross a cow and a duck

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Q: What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
A: Milk and Quackers!

Censorerd fun

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Q: What do you call the loose skin around the vagina?
A: An otter

Two Hunters

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Two hunters decide to go moose hunting in Canada. They hire an airplane to drop them off in a remote region. The pilot drops them off and tells them, “I`ll be back in one week. No more than one moose – got it?” One week passes, and the pilot returns. The hunters have two moose. The pilot says, “Hey, I told you guys no more than one moose.” One of the hunters replies, “Look the pilot told us the same thing last year and we gave him a `big` tip to take both moose out.” The three of them argue for several minutes more. The pilot gives up and agrees to take both moose. Well, they load up the moose and fire up the plane. The plane shudders and strains trying to take off. It finally gets the wheels off the ground 5 feet, 10 feet. Whoops! It runs out of runway and smashes into a tree. The two hunters, dazed and confused make there way out of the wreckage. One hunter looks at the other and says, “Where the heck are we?” The other looks around and replies, “About 200 yards further than we got last year!”

He had little Ape-tude

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Q :Why did the Gorilla fail English?
A : He had little Ape-titude!

Love shark

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Q: What was the sharks favorites song
A: Love Shark

Chicken cross the road

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road half way?
A: He wanted to lay it on the line!

Pay the taxi fare

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Q: Why didn’t the platypus pay the taxi driver?
A: Because he only had a one-dollar-bill!

Ten pounds difference

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Q :Whats the difference between your mom and an African Elephant?
A :Ten pounds.

Penguins get money

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Q: Were do penguins get money from?
A: A fishbank.

He is a meat Eater

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Q: Why did the T-Rex eat hamburgers?
A: Because he is a meat eater!

Racist Zebra

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There once were two little zebras who wanted to know if they were white with black stripes, or black with white stripes. One little zebra suggested to visit the “Zebra of the Wise” The two little zebras went to the Zebra of the wise and asked, “Are we black with white stripes, or white with black stripes?” The Zebra of the wise replied ” We are who we are.” The one little zebra said “OK” and ran away. Then the other little zebra followed him. The one little zebra said to the other… ” He didn’t answer us, so what are we?” The one little zebra said ” We are white with black stripes.” The other zebra said “how do you know that.” Then the little zebra said, ” Well if we were black with white stripes he would have said ” We is who we is.”

Spanish Goats

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Q :What do you call a Spanish goat with no back legs?
A :Gracias.

One Wags a tail

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Q: How is a dog and a marine biologist alike?
A: One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.

Fatty puss

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Q: What do you get if you cross a hungry cat with roast duck? A: A duck-filled-fatty-puss!

man with cliff

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Q: What do you call a man with seagull on his head?
A: Cliff

Call 911

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Boy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help!
911: Alright, What is it?
Boy: Two girls are fighting over me!
911: So what’s your emergency?
Boy: The ugly one is winning.

Milk shake

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Q: What do you call an arab next to a cow?
A: Milk Sheikh!

Marsh-mole ows

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Q: What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
A: Marsh-mole-ows!

How many arms Alligators have

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Q: How many arms has a alligator got?
A: Depends how far he has got with eating his dinner!

Preferred Frogs car

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Q :Whats the preferred car of frogs?
A :The Beetle.

Teacher

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Once a teacher was teaching the children about stripes animal. Teacher:Aisha stand up and tell me any two names of striped animals. Aisha:Zebra. Teacher:Very good now tell the other name! Aisha:Another zebra.

A swell shark

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Q: What is the keenest kind of shark?
A: A swellshark!

Climb a tree

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Q: How do you catch a squirrel interested in ornithology?
A: Climb a tree and act like a nuthatch (Sitta carolinensis).

porcupine crossing road

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Q: Why did the Porcupine cross the road? A: To prove to the possum that it could be done!

Sheep with no legs

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Q: What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A: A cloud.

Chicken Crosses the road

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To prove to the possum that it could be done!

Cow can cut the grass

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Q: What do you call a cow that can cut the grass?
A: Mulan.

Card shark

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Q: What kind of shark is always gambling?
A: A CARDSHARK

Penguins in Desert

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Q: What do you call a penguin in the desert?
A: Lost!

Owl Magician

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Q: What do you call an owl magician?
A: Hoooooo-dini

Policeman Give the sheep

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Q: Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?
A: He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.

Calvin feed hobbes

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Q: What does Calvin feed Hobbes?
A: Nothing he’s already stuffed.

Chistmas to Ewe

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Q: How do sheep greet each other at Christmas?
A: Merry Christmas to Ewe!

Elephant claus

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Q:Who do elephants get their christmas presents from?
A: Elephanta Claus!

Clucl o the irish

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Q: What do you get when you cross a chicken and a four-leaf clover?
A: The Cluck o’the Irish!

Frogs favourite place

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Q :What is a frogs favorite place to eat?
A :At ihop!

17 Management Funda’s for you

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1.”We will do it” means “You will do it”

2.”You have done a great job” means “More work to be given to you”

3.”We are working on it” means “We have not yet started working on the
same”

4.”Tomorrow first thing in the morning” means “Its not getting done
“At least not tomorrow!”

5.”After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views” means “I have already decided, I will tell you what to do”

6.”There was a slight miscommunication” means “We had actually lied”
office-management-fundas
7.”Lets call a meeting and discuss” means “I have no time now, will talk later”

8.”We can always do it” means “We actually cannot do the same on time”

9.”We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline” means “The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time.”

10.”We had slight differences of opinion “means “We had actually fought”

11.”Make a list of the work that you do and let’s see how I can help you” means “Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me”

12.”You should have told me earlier” means “Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!”
offce-computers
13.”We need to find out the real reason” means “Well I will tell you where your fault is”

14.”Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected,” means, “Well you know…”

15.”We are a team,” means, “I am not the only one to be blamed”

16.”That’s actually a good question” means “I do not know anything about it”

17.”All the Best” means “You are in trouble”

In the Dark

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Q: Where was the dinosaur when the sun went down ?
A: In the dark!

Freeze a jolly

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Q: What do Penguins sing on a birthday?
A: Freeze a jolly good fellow.

Knock Knock !!

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Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Goat! Goat who?
Goat to believe in magic.

Llamas and alpacas

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Q: What’s the diffrenece between llamas and alpacas?
A: Alpacas have more dark meat!

Potty-pus

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Q: What do you get when you cross a toilet and a platypus?
A: A potty-pus

I have sipt in this beer, do not drink

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A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the toilet.

Drink-at-bar

He doesn’t want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, “I have sipt in this beer, do not drink!”.

After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, “So did I!”

What rubbish

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Q: What’s worse than one shark coming to dinner?
A: Two sharks coming to dinner

Disappointed salesman of Coca Cola

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A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment. A friend asked, “Why weren’t you successful with the Arabs?”

The salesman explained, “When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn’t know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters…

First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand… totally exhausted and panting.

 Desert-man-exhausted

Second, the man is drinking our Cola and

Third, our man is now totally refreshed.

Drinking-coca-cola

Then these posters were pasted all over the place”

“That should have worked,” said the friend.

The salesman replied, “Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn’t realize that Arabs read from right to left…”

Anything she wants

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Q: What does a giant Tyrannosaurus eat?
A: Anything she wants!

Light at night

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Q: What flies around your light at night and can bite your head off?
A: A tiger moth!

Sore throat

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Q: What’s worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
A: A Diplodocus with a sore throat!

Hare dryer

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Q: What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a leaf blower?
A: A hare dryer!

Horse and a Chicken

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A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can’t be found. So he drives the farmer’s BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking! A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, “I think I can stand over the hole!” So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, “Grab for my penis and pull yourself up.” And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
Moral of the Story: If you’re hung like a horse, you don’t need a BMW to pick up chicks.

Shepherd looking for a sheep

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A shepherd was looking for a lost sheep, after a couple hours he found it stuck in some briar bushes and covered with mud. He rescued the sheep. After several slanderous remarks about the muddy dumb sheep, the sheep blurted out, “What are you griping about, I almost drowned in the pond?” Shocked at hearing the Sheep speak, the Shepherd asked the sheep why he was in the pond in the first place, “Don’t you know sheep can’t swim?”, We were not swimming, we were wallowing in mud and I stepped into, a deep hole?” “Who is we?” the Shepherd asked. “Me and the pig?” The sheep replied. “Why on earth would you wallow in mud?” asked the Shepherd. “Well the pig said it would make me cooler, I was getting hot.” The shepherd asked the sheep where the pig was. The sheep replied. “He went back to the barn.” So the Shepherd put the sheep on his shoulders and began his trip back to the barn. He did not own a pig, and he planned to take the pig to task for the mud wallowing incident. The next day the shepherd?s rich neighbor a farmer came by and inquired if the shepherd had seen his pig. Soon the Shepherd began telling the rich farmer about the sheep and pig story, and demanded compensation for the incident caused by the farmer’s pig.” The farmer expressed his doubts to the Shepherd, whereupon the Sheep blurted out “He’s right, it was your pig that did it.” Just then the rich farmer realized that this was a talking sheep. He thought to himself, “I can make millions with a talking sheep. He stopped the discussion and asked if the shepherd would take 500 dollars for the sheep. The shepherd replied that he would consider the sale on an as is basis, no guarantees. The farmer then bought the sheep and the trade was done. The shepherd turned and as he walked away the farmer heard him say “Well that’s one less diseased and dying sheep I have to worry about, Your pig said he was full of shit anyway.”

Crocodile in vest

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Q: What do you call an crocodile in a vest?
A: An investigator.

Bhaiyya g Applied for Engineering Position

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A bhaiyyaji applied for an engineering position at an office in Uttar Pradesh. Reddy from Chennai applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager.
Upon completion of the test, the results showed that both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to the bhaiyyaji and said, “Thank you for your interest, but we’ve decided to give the job to Reddy.”
Bhaiyyaji: “And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct. This being Uttar Pradesh I should get the job!”
Manager: “We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the one question that you got wrong.”
Bhaiyyaji: “And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?”
Manager: “Simple, for the question that both of you got wrong, Reddy put down ‘I don’t know’ as the answer. And you wrote ‘Neither do I’!”

Bullogna

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Q: What is a cow’s favorite lunch meat?
A: Bullogna

Drizzle bears

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Q: What are polar bears called when they get caught in the rain?
A: Drizzly bears.

Anything you like..

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Q. What do you call a dinosaur as tall as a house, with long sharp teeth, 12 claws on each foot and a personal stereo over his ears?
A. Anything you like, he won’t hear you!

Cross Parrot With shark

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Q: What do you get when you cross a parrot with a shark?
A: an animal that talks your head off.

Penguins In Revolving Door

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Q: What’s black and white and goes round and around?
A: A Penguin in a revolving door.

Farmer become school teacher

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Q: Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?
A: So he could grade his eggs

Mailman is my Father :(

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One day, a father and his daughter are together. The father is putting the daughter to sleep. After the father leaves, he hears her saying her prayers. He hears her say, ” God bless mommy, daddy, and grandma, rest in peace grandpa. The father hears all of this and barges back into the room. He asks her, ” Why did you say the last part? ” The daughter replies, ” Because I needed to. ” The next day, grandpa dies. The father thinks, ” Is this just a coincidence? ”
That night he tucks her daughter into bed. He leaves the room to only hear her prayers again. He hears, ” Bless mommy and daddy, rest in peace grandma. ” The father now is thinking, ” Holy shit, my daughter can see into the future? ” The next day, grandma dies. A week later nothing happens, but the night before Sunday, he is tucking his daughter into bed once more. He leaves and listens for any more prayers. Sure enough, there is another prayer. He hears, ” Bless you mommy, rest in peace daddy. ” The father starts panicking and saying, ” Holy shit! I’m going to die tomorrow! ” The following start of the next day consisted the father being alert all the time, checking the clock, looking around the room, etc. He goes to work to do the same things, being alert, all of that. He looks at the clock again 3 hours later. It’s past midnight. The father says, ” How is this possible? I should be dead! ” He goes home and finds his wife on the couch with a scared look on her face. She asks, ” What took you so long!? ” The father says, ” Listen honey, today I haven’t had the best of days. ” Then as soon as he is about to tell what happened, she bursts out, ” I saw the mailman die yesterday! ”

Tweeting on test

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Q: Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?
A: Because he was caught tweeting on a test.

Gorilla are cheetahs

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Q: Why don’t the gorillas in the jungle play poker any more?
A: There are just too many Cheetahs.

Cristmias trees

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What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees? “Horn”-aments!

Slow Poke

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Q: What do you call a turtle with a hard on?
A: A slow poke.

Squash

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Q :What is an elephants favorite sport?
A :Squash

He’s Rabbit fan!

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Q: Does the Easter Bunny like baseball?
A:Oh, yes. He’s a rabbit fan!

Grab a Bite

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Q: What did the carrot say to the rabbit?
A: Do you want to grab a bite?

Koalifications

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Q: Why isn’t the the koala a real bear?
A: He doesn’t have the right koalifications.

Beef Jerky

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Q: What do you call a cow with a twitch?
A: Beef Jerky

Polar Bear with Harp Seal

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Q: What do you get if you cross a polar bear and a harp seal?
A: A bear faced lyre!

Pollunomial Parrots

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Q: What do you call a parrot that doesn’t eat?
A: A polynomeal (polynomial)

smell icopter

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Q:What do you call a flying skunk?
A: A smell-icopter.

Pony sleigh

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Q : What does Rudolph want for Christmas?
A : A pony sleigh station!

Tadpole

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Q :What kind of pole is short and floppy?
A :A tadpole!

Blubber Gum

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Q: What do whales like to chew?
A: Blubber gum!

Ground beef

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Q: What do you call a cow with no legs at all?
A: Ground beef

Larkian agg lagati hain

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Santa : daso kehde office wich ladies kam nahi kar sakdi?

Banta: firebrigade?

Santa: Q ?

Banta: firebrigade da kam aag bhujana hunda hai aag lgana nahi !

poor skunk

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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night. When it came time to pay, the skunk didn’t have a scent, the deer didn’t have a buck, so they put the meal on the duck’s bill.

Nuts Won’t Fit

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Q: Why don’t squirrels wear skinny jeans?
A: Because their nuts won’t fit

Hare -raising tail

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Q: Why did the rabbit like the adventure?
A: It was a “hare-raising tail”

Santa Jaws

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Q: Who gives alligators presents on Christmas?
A: Santa Jaws!

A boy was teaching a girl arithmetic

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A boy was teaching a girl arithmetic, he said, it was his mission.
He kissed her once; he kissed her twice and said, “Now that’s addition.”

In silent satisfaction, she sweetly gave the kisses back and said, “Now that’s subtraction.”

Boy-and-girl-kissing

Then he kissed her, she kissed him, without an explanation.
And both together smiled and said, “That’s multiplication.”

Then her Dad appeared upon the scene and made a quick decision.
He kicked that boy three blocks away and said, “That’s long division!”

A Polygon

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Q: What figure describes a lost parrot?
A: A polygon!

Gorilla riding down

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Q :What’s black, brown and white, black, brown and white, brown and white, etc.?
A: A Gorilla riding down a snowbank!

Professor becomes Plumber

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images (3)

The Wonderful Husband🐰…. Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. MAN: ‘Hello’ WOMAN: ‘Honey, 🐝it’s me… R u at the club?’ MAN: ‘Yes’😍 WOMAN: ‘I’m at the City Centre mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $1,000 Is it OK if I buy it?’ MAN: ‘Sure, go ahead if you really like it.’😘 WOMAN: ‘I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2013 Models. I saw one 🚗 I really liked.’ MAN: ‘How much?’ WOMAN: ‘$98,000’ MAN: ‘OK, but for that price make sure it comes with all the options.’ WOMAN: ‘Great! Oh, and one more thing, the house 🏡I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking for $980,000/-.’ MAN: ‘well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, go the extra 50 thousand if you think it’s really a pretty good price.’ WOMAN: ‘OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! You’re so generous!’ MAN: “You’re worth it. ‘Bye!’ The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, with mouths wide open 😧 The man turns and asks “Anybody knows whose phone📱 this is?” 😍👏👍😝😳😁

horn-aments

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Q :What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
A : “Horn”-aments!

Polar bear go to the movies

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Q: Why shouldn’t you take polar bears to the zoo?
A: Because they’d rather go to the movies.

policeman caught nasty boy

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A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a bb gun in one hand and a ferret in the other. “Now Listen here,” the policeman said, “Whatever you do to that poor, defenseless creature I shall personally do to you” “In that case,” said the boy. “I’ll kiss it’s butt and let it go”

platypus crossing the road

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Q: Why did the platypus cross the road?
A: To show the possum that it could be done.

Shark cross the road

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Q: Why did the shark cross the road?
A: To get to the other tide!

Tyrannosaurus Flex

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Q: What was the most flexible dinosaur?
A: Tyrannosaurus Flex.

Barney in an elevator

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Q: What’s green and purple and goes up and down?
A: Barney in an elevator.

Favourite Kitchen tool

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Q: what is a cats favorite kitchen tool?
A: The “whisker”.

Dinosaur go extinct

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Q: Why did the dinosaurs go extinct?
A: Because they wouldn’t take a bath!

Let out a little wine

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Q :What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it?
A :Nothing, it just let out a little wine!

Donkey Auction

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Q: What do you get cross an optimetrist convention and a donkey auction?
A: Two eyegl-asses for the price of one.

Flying reindeer

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Q : how can Santa’s sleigh possibly fly through the air?
A : You would too if you were pulled by flying reindeer!

Dino-saw

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Q: What type of tool does a prehistoric reptile carpenter use?
A: A dino-saw !

Build herself a new House

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Q: Why did the bunny build herself a new house?
A: She was fed up with the hole thing!

Holstain

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Q: What are the spots on black and white cows?
A: Holstains

Meals on Wheels

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Q: What did the Polar Bear say when it saw a seal on a skateboard?
A: “Meals on Wheels!”

Haha Long Arm of the Law

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Q: What do you get if you cross a giraffes with a police-man ?
A: Long-arm of the Law !

To get other

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Q :Why did the whale cross the road?
A :To get to the other tide!

Deviled Eggs

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Q: What did the naughty rabbit leave for Easter?
A: Deviled eggs!

Dino sore

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Q: What did the Tyrannosaurus rex get after mopping the floor?
A: Dino-sore!

Out of the way

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Q: What do you get when a dinosaur blows it’s nose?
A: OUT of the way!!

Homework is at home

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Me: should I get into trouble for something I didn’t do?
Teacher: No
Me: Good, because I didn’t do my homework.

I like your thinking

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A teacher asks her class, “If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?” She calls on little Mark.

He replies, “None , they will all fly away with the first gunshot.”
The teacher replies, “The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.”

Then little Mark says, “I have a question for YOU. ”
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.

Which one is married?

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, Continue reading

Scotish toads play

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Q: What do Scottish toads play?
A: Hop-scotch!

Cow stop to drink

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Q: Where does a cow stop to drink?
A: The milky way!

Bear Your Heart

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Q: How do you apologize to a koala?
A: BEAR your heart and soul.

Blonde cheats Lawyer

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clever layer

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, saying that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains how the game works: “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me, and visa-versa.” Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The chauvinistic lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will easily win the match, so he makes another offer:

“Okay, how about this “If you don’t know the answer you pay me only $5, but if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $50.” This catches the blonde’s attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to play the game. The lawyer asks the first question. “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?” The blonde doesn’t say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it’s the blonde’s turn. She asks the lawyer, “What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?”

The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail. After over an hour, of searching for the answer he finally gives up. He wakes the blonde and hands her $50.

The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little frustrated, wakes the blonde and asks, “Well, so what IS the answer?” Again without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

Mooolasses

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Q: What does a cow put on his french toast?
A: Moooolasses.

Biharu lalu Yadav decide to learn English

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So Lalu Yadav finally decides to learn English. An instructor extremely fluent in English is hired for the job.
The instructor fully confident claims that if he is locked up in a room with Lalu for a week he will surely teach him English. So the orderlies lock Lalu and the instructor in a room
When the room is opened after a week the instructor comes out and says .. “Eee Lalua ke angrezi sikhana to bahute mushkil baat ba”

Cross cat with Owl

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Q: What do you get when you cross a cat and an owl?
A: Meowls.

Millionare rabbit

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Q: Did you hear about the rich rabbit?
A: He was a millionhare!

Frogs having Fun

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A cat told a frog “time flies when you are having fun”
The frog corrected her “Actually it’s time is fun when you’re having flies!”

Bear like Bald man

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Q: Why do polar bears like bald men?
A: Because they have a great, white, bear (uh…bare) place!

Elephants afraid of cheetahs

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Q :Why don’t elephants like playing cards in the jungle?
A :Because of all the cheetahs!

Man kills a deer

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A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won’t tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue. Well, he said, ‘It’s what mummy calls me sometimes’. The little girl screams to her brother ‘Don’t eat it, it’s an asshole..

Law of gravity

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Q: Why did the bird get a ticket?
A: It broke the law of gravity!

Long heaird hippo

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Q: What do you call a long haired hippo?
A: A hippy

Dinosaur with high heals

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Q: What do you call a dinosaur with high heels?
A: My-feet-are-saurus

Unique up on it

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Q: How do you catch a unique bird?
A: Unique up on it.

Elephant weighs nothing

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Q :What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?
A :Its shadow!

Raccon learning new language

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Q: When does a Raccoon go “moo”?
A: When it is learning a new language!

hitchicking toad

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Q: What do you say to a hitchhiking toad?
A: Hop in!

Non typical white tail

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Q: What is the defination of a non-typical Whitetail?
A: One that stays off the Highway!

The Law Of The Jungle

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Q :What does a Gorilla attorney study?
A :The Law of the jungle!

Pride of Giraffe

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Q: Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?
A: It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.

Triceratops with a kangaroo

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Q: What do you get if you cross a Triceratops with a kangaroo ?
A: A Tricera-hops!

Nice Knawing you

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Q: What did they llama say to the blade of grass?
A: Nice knawing you!

Hourgl-ass

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Q: What do you call a donkey that keeps time?
A: Hourgl-ass

Nobody’s herd

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Q: What happened to the lost cattle?
A: Nobody’s herd.

Sheep Dog with rose

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Q: What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose?
A: A collie-flower!

Afraid of getting toad

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Q :Why didn’t the frog park on the side of the road?
A :He was afraid of getting toad!

Otter with carrot

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Q: What do you call an otter with a carrot in each ear?
A: Anything you want as he can’t hear you!

Chicken crossed the road

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?
A: He was a dirty double crosser!

I liked the books

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A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a ferret sitting next to him. “Are you a ferret?” asked the man, surprised. “Yes.” “What are you doing at the movies?” The ferret replied, “Well, I liked the book.

Curiosity killed the cat

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Q: Did you hear about the cat who wanted a dog to teach her how to bark?
A: Curiousity killed the cat.

It just let out a wine

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Q: What did the grape say when the otter stood on it?
A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine!

Rabbit using computer

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Q: What do rabbits put in their computers?
A: Hoppy disks!

Jockey communicate

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Q: How does a winning jockey communicate with his horse?
A: He lays his cards on the stable.

T-Rex eat Hamburgers

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Q: Why did the T-Rex eat hamburgers?
A: Because he is a meat eater!

Neigh buzz

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Q: What do you get if you cross a horse with a bee?
A: Neigh buzz

Skunk with bear

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Q: What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
A: Winnie the PU!

Baboom

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Q: What do you call a monkey in a minefield?
A: Baboom!

Ate a duck

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Q: What do you call a cat who just ate a duck?
A: a duck-filled platy puss.

Vampire shark

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Q: What’s worse than being bitten by a shark?
A: Being bitten by a vampire shark

Intelligent Grape

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Q: What did the grape say when the ferret stood on it?
A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine!

Mommy sharks and daddy

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Q: why did the mommy shark and daddy shark get divorced
A: they no longer loved each other

Rubbish

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Q: What makes more noise than a dinosaur ?
A: Two dinosaurs !

Long Turtle

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Q: What do you call a turtle with 6 feet?
A: A 6-foot turtle.

She was a candy

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Q: Did you hear about the donkey that was afraid to speak up for herself?
A: She was a candy-ass.

Billy Idol

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Q :What do you call an unemployed goat?
A :Billy Idol.

Letter to her friend

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Q: How does a chicken mail a letter to her friend?
A: In a HEN-velope!

Rabbit hood

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Q: What’s the name of the rabbit who stole from the rich and gave to the
A: Rabbit Hood.

He’s a Rain -deer

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Q : Why is Prancer always wet?
A : Because he’s a “rain”-deer!

Dino-sewer

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Q: Who makes the best prehistoric reptile clothes ?
A: A dino-sewer !

Raccoon with carrot

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Q: What do you call an Raccoon with a carrot in each ear?
A: Anything you want as he can’t hear you!

Tiger eats the comedian

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Q: What happened when the tiger ate the comedian ?
A: He felt funny !

Fast food is so fast

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Q: Why don’t polar bears like fast food?
A: Because they can’t catch it!

Egg crisize

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Q: How do chickens get strong?
A: Egg-cersize.

A Brr-grrr

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Q: What do polar bears like to eat in the cold?
A: A “brrr”-“grrr”!

Grasshover

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Q:What do you call a grasshopper with no legs?
A:A grasshover!

Potato with elephant

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Q :What do you get when you cross a potato with an elephant?
A :Mashed potatoes!

Santa’s Reindeer

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Q : Which of Santa’s reindeer has bad manners?
A : “Rude”-olph!

Teddy bear race

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Q: How do you start a teddy bear race?
A: Ready, teddy, go!

Master to santa

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Master bachiya nu puchda hai, daso vade ho ke tusi ki banna chaoge?
shunty : me Engineer banna chanda haan.
bunty : me doctor banna chanda haan.
dipti : me achi maa banna chandi haan.
santa : te me dipti di madad karna chanda haan.

moron platy

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Q: Why did the Platypus cross the road?
A: Because he wanted to see his flat mate.

World without engineers

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Engineers had made our life very comfortable by using science and technology.
But have u ever imagined what would the world look like without engineers, If not then here r
some of the pics what would our life be like :-

Transportation

Mechanical and automobile engineer

Civil engineer of old age
Continue reading

Caught peepin

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Q: Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?
A: He got caught peeping on a test.

Tiger with a snowman

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Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a snowman?
A: Frostbite!

What Does He do?

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One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one. The man asks, ”How much is the yellow one?” The assistant says, ” 2000.” The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it’s so expensive. The assistant explains, ”This parrot is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast.” ”What about the green one?” the man asks. The assistant says, ”He costs 5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes.” ”What about the red one?” the man asks. The assistant says, ”That one’s 10,000.” The man says, ”What does HE do?” The assistant says, ”I don’t know, but the other two call him boss.

Stupid One

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Q: When does a giraffe have 8 legs?
A: When there are two of them!

Tyrannosaurus want to sit

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Q: Where does a Tyrannosaurus sit when he comes to stay?
A: Anywhere he wants to.

Unique Rabbit

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Q: How do you catch a unique rabbit?
A: Unique up on it!

Gorilla with Machine

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Q: What’s black and dangerous and lives in a tree?
A: A gorilla with a machine gun.

terrible lawyers

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Q: Why do sharks make terrible lawyers?
A: They’re too nice!

Brown and white eat hamster

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Q :What is white and brown and eats hamster food?
A: My hamster!

Twelve foot tooth Brush

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Q: What do you get when you cross a giraffe with a hedgehog?
A: A twelve-foot toothbrush

Whale of a tale

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Q :How do you make a fish laugh?
A :Tell a whale of a tale.

Get me a beer before it starts

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A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, “Get me a beer before it starts.”

The wife sighs and gets him a beer.

Fifteen minutes later, he says, “Get me another beer before it starts.”

She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him.

He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, “Quick, get me another beer, it’s going to start any minute.”

Men-watching-tv
The wife is furious. She yells at him,

Is that all you’re going to do tonight? Drink beer and sit in front of that TV? You’re nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob and furthermore . . .”

The man sighs and says, “It’s started.”

March Of Penguins

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Q: What did Morgan Freeman say when Penguins told him they liked March of the Penguins?
A: Why the hell was I narrating it if Penguins can talk

Preeto getting hot

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Preeto: aji , aaj kuch ajiha karo ke mere pasine nikal jaan.

Banta : uthiyan te AC & pankhe da switch off kar dita.

Blonde Pet zebra

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Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot!

Spelling bee

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Q: What’s more amazing than a talking hippo?
A: A spelling bee!

Mooney

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Q: What do cows get when they do all their chores?
A: Mooney.

End of Ramadan

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Can I Stay
Here
In
Ur
InbOx
&
Wait Till The End Of Ramzan
So
That
I
Can B
The 1st Who
Wish

A
Very sweet
&
Happy Eid Mubarik

Prancer always wet

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Q : Why is Prancer always wet?
A : Because he’s a “rain”-deer!

Frogs are happy

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Q :Why are frogs so happy?
A :They eat watever bugs them!

World Weakest Animal

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Q :Whats the world weakest animal?
A :A toad, he croaks if you even touch him!

No Result Found

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Q: What do you get when you cross a polar bear with a rose?
A: I’m not sure – but I wouldn’t try smelling it!

Got milk?

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Q: What did one dairy cow say to another?
A: Got milk?

grape under porcupine

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Q: What did the grape say when the Porcupine stood on it? A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine!

Nasty Wife

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A guy brings a raccoon home , tells his wife it’s a pet. She asks , “Where are you going to keep it?” He repies , “In the bedroom.” “But what about that horrible nasty smell?’ , she asks. “I got used to you , I’m sure he will too!

Bite off your head

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Q: What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head?
A: A tiger moth!

Say to tha puppy

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Q: What did the skeleton say to the puppy?
A: bonappetite

Three feet of my cock

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Q:If you had a donkey and I had a chicken and if your donkey ate my chicken what will you have?
A:Three feet of my cock up your ass.

Leatherback Sec turtle

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Q: What is a Leatherback Sea Turtles favorite sandwich?
A: Peanut butter and jellyfish.

Cristmas is coming

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Q : How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming?
A : He looks at his calen-“deer”!

Smoking Cigarette

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Q. How do you know when your cat’s done cleaning herself?
A. She’s smoking a cigarette.

Decalfenated

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Q: What do call a cow that has just had a calf?
A: Decalfenated

Stable diet

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Q: Why are most horses in shape?
A: Because they are on a stable diet.

Bihari Headache :D

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A Bihari after coming back from a three hour long class says “Saala pura body headache maar raha hai “

100 Camels for Wife

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US tourists, a man and his wife are traveling in the Middle East. An Arab approaches the husband, saying, “I’ll give you 100 camels for your woman.”

After a long silence, the husband says, “She’s not for sale.”

The indignant wife says, “What took you so long to answer?”

The husband replied, “I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home.”

In tha pasture

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Q: Where do you put 2 horses that just broken up?
A: In the pasture

Cuckoo-cluck

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Q: What do you call a crazy chicken?
A: A cuckoo cluck!

Top 20 funny quotes

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[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried – but they wanted cash.

[5] Don’t feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

[6] Don’t marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you’ll regret it later.

[7] You can’t buy love, but you pay heavily for it.

[8] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

[9] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

[10] Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.

[11] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I’m wrong and she agrees with me.

[12] Those who can’t laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

[13] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

[14] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

[15] You’re getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.

[16] It doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

[17] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

[18] It’s funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It’s like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

[19] There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.

[20] There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it!

Morse Toad

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Q :What goes dot-dot-croak, dot-dash-croak?
A :Morse toad!

Women call a frog

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A :What do you call a woman with a frog on her head?
Q :Lilly.

Horse say to other horse

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Q: What did one horse say to the other horse?
A: The pace is familiar but I can’t remember the mane.

Call a Frozen chart

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Q: What do you call a frozen dog?
A: A pupsicle.

Like A coconut

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Q: How do you catch a Polynesian squirrel?
A: Climb a tree and act like a coconut.

Ferret favourite song

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Q: What is a ferret’s favorite song?
A: Dook, dook, dook, dook of Earl…

A Guy walks in a bar with his pet Monkey

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A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he’s drinking it the monkey jumps around all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy, “Did you see what your monkey just did?” The guy says, “No, what?” “He just ate the cue ball off my pool table, whole!”, says the bartender. “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replied the patron. “He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I’ll pay for the cue ball and stuff.” He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he’s in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. “Did you see what your monkey did now?”, he asks. “Now what?”, responds the patron. “Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!” says the barkeeper. “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replied the patron. “He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!”

Fleece Navidad!!

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Q: How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
A: “Fleece Navidad!”

Worst then a bite

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Q :Why couldn’t the Gorilla pitcher make it in the major leagues?
A :His balk was worse than his bite!

Mehengi Jaga Chaltay Hai

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Wife: Aji suniye, mujhe kisi mehengi jaga le ke chaliye na ji….

Husband: Chalo, tayyar ho jao…

Husband wife going expensive place

Guess where he took her….
………
……..
…..
….

..
.
.
.
.

Petrol pump!!!

Shark terk

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Q: What is a sharks favorite sci-fi show
A: Shark Trek

Crocodile comedians

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Q: Why are crocodiles comedians so funny?
A: Their wit is as razor sharp as their teeth!

Shell Block

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Q: Where do you send turtles who commit crimes?
A: To the shell-block.

Tiger Eat Lion

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Q: Would you rather have a tiger eat your or a lion?
A: I would rather have a tiger eat a lion.

Rabbit with no hair

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Q: What do you get when you find a rabbit with no hair?
A: A hairless hare!

Bihari in college

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Subject: A class in Bihar College This is a true incident which happened in a college: A new lecturer (also a Bihari professor) was unable to control the class. The guys were just talking without giving any attention to him. So he wanted to send a guy who was creating most of the problem out. But he doesn’t know how to put it in English. He went near the guy. Shouted “follow me” .The guy followed him till he went out of the class. Now the lecturer turned back and again shouted “Don’t follow me” and went inside the class……..
Bihari Professor.
Inside the Class:
Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.
Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.
Cut an apple into two halves -take the bigger half.
Shhh…Quiet, boys…the principal just passed away in the corridor.
You, meet me behind the class.
Both of you three, get out of the class.
Close the doors of the windows please .. I have winter in my nose today…
Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver…..
Take 5 cm wire of any length….

it all happened so fast

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A sloth named Herman is walking through the forest one day. A gang of snails approach him and beat him up for 7 hours. He is left at the bottom of a tree with several cuts and bruises. Several hours later, he gathers up enough strength to go to a local police station. Herman walks into the Sergeant’s office. “What happened to you? the officer asks. “A gang of snails beat me up,” Herman replied. “Can you describe what they looked like?” “I don’t know,” the sloth says. “It all happened so fast.”

Toad die

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Q :How did the toad die?
A :He simply croaked!

A mathematician organizes a raffle

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A mathematician organizes a raffle in which the prize is an infinite amount of money paid over an infinite amount of time.

Math-raffle

Of course, with the promise of such a prize, his tickets sell like hot cake. When the winning ticket is drawn, and the jubilant winner comes to claim his prize, the mathematician explains the mode of payment:

“1 dollar now, 1/2 dollar next week, 1/3 dollar the week after that…”

Alchoholic skunk

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A man and his pet skunk walk into a bar. It’s about 5pm, but they’re ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: “Last call.” So, the man says, “One more for me… and one more for my skunk.” The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the skunk falls over dead. The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. The bartender, yells: “Hey buddy, you can’t just leave that lyin’ there.” To which the man replies: “That’s not a lion, that’s a skunk.”

Gatorade

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Q: What do alligators drink before a race?
A: Gator-Ade.

Why do you have Breast on your back

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The elephant asked the camel: “Why do you have your breasts on your back?” The camel clearly irritated by the outrage of modesty replies: “What a silly question from someone who has a dick on his face.”

Call group of chicken

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Q: What do you call a group of chickens clucking in unison?
A: A Hensemble.

Squirrel For the Holiday

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Q: How do you catch a squirrel for the holidays?
A: Climb a tree and act like nutmeg.

Crocodile with GPS

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Q: What do you call a crocodile with GPS?
A: A Navi-gator.

T-rex cross road

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Q: Why did the t-rex cross the road?
A: Because the chicken hadn’t evolved yet

Mooooove Over

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Q: What did one cow say to the other?
A: Mooooooove over!

Monkey’s Uncle

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Q: Did you hear about the man who can jump from tree to tree?
A: He was a monkey’s uncle.

Baaa-stile day

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Q: What do you call sheep taking over France?
A: Baaaa-stile Day.

Chickens foot

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Q: Why did the piece of gum cross the road?
A: Because it was stuck to the chicken’s foot.

Donkey that can go

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Q: What do you call a Donkey that can go 0-40 in 3.4 seconds?
A: Fibergl-ass

Sas-gorilla

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Q: What’s a monkey’s favourite drink?
A: A sas-gorilla.

Coutnt them all

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Q: Can you name 10 dinosaurs in 10 seconds?
A: Yes, 8 Iguanadons and 2 Stegasaurus.

Its whale Of a Tale

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Q: Have you heard of Flight of the Penguins (sequel to March)?
A: Its a whale of a tale

Different between OJ simpson

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Q: What’s the difference between OJ Simpson and the Sharks?
A: OJ Simpson had a more credible defence…

Avagadro is so rich

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Q: Why is Avogadro so rich?
A: He’s a multi-mole-ionare!

They beat eggs

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Q: Why don’t chickens like people?
A: They beat eggs!

To prove his Possum

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Q: Why did the Koala cross the road?
A: To prove to the possum that it could be done!

Wear Sunglasses

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Q : Why did the reindeer wear sunglasses to the Christmas party?
A : Because he didn’t want to be recognised!

Shell-arious ones

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Q: What kind of jokes do sea turtles tell?
A: Shell-arious ones!

Bird that talks

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Q: What do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark?
A: A bird that talks your ear off!

Blind Jockey in a race

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blind jockey

A jockey is about to enter an race on a new horse. The horse’s trainer meets him before the race and says, “All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, ‘ALLLLEEE OOOP!’ really loudly in the horse’s ear. Providing you do that, you’ll be fine.”

The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer’s ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers “Aleeee ooop” in the horse’s ear. The same thing happens – the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, “It’s no good, I’ll have to do it,” and yells, “ALLLEEE OOOP!” really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third.

The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong. The jockey replies, “Nothing is wrong with me – it’s this bloody horse. What is he – deaf or something?”

The trainer replies, “Deaf? Deaf?! He’s not deaf. He’s blind!” 😀 😀

Tiger sing at Christmas

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Q: What do tigers sing at Christmas?
A: Jungle bells!jungle bells!

Pickup your truck

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A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of badgers. He pulls the guy over and says… “You can’t drive around with badgers in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately.” The guy says “OK”… and drives away. The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of badgers, and they’re all wearing sun glasses. He pulls the guy over and demands… “I thought I told you to take these badgers to the zoo yesterday?” The guy replies… “I did . . . today I’m taking them to the beach!”

Miserable guy in the bar

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A guy rushes into a bar, orders four expensive 30-year-old single malts and has the bartender line them up in front of him.

Then without pausing, he quickly downs each one. “Whew”, the bartender remarked, “you seem to be in a hurry.”
Beer-bar

“You would be too if you had what I have.”

“What do you have?” the bartender sympathetically asked.

“Fifty cents.”

Embarrassed Elephant

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Q :What’s grey but turns red?
A :An embarrassed elephant!

show your skunks

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Q: How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?
A: A phew!

Horse that lose a race

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Q: What do you call a horse that can’t lose a race?
A: Sherbet

Farmers milk them dry

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Q: Why don’t cows have any money?
A: Because farmers milk them dry

Police de gadi te ghar wali

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Police di gadi te gharwali wich common ki h?
dono apne aan te bda shor machande hai.

Big Fingers

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Q: Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
A: Because they have big fingers!

moltiplication

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Q: What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
A: Moletiplication

Call a Dinasaur

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Q: What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?
A: Try and try and try and try-ceratops

Mooooved to tear

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Q: What do you call a sad cow?
A: Mooooved to tears.

Healthy Rabbit

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Q: What’s the difference between a healthy rabbit and an odd rabbit?
A: One is a fit bunny, and the other’s a bit funny!

Gorilla playing quiddtich

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Q: What do you call a gorilla playing quidditch?
A: A hairy potter!!

I’m waiting on my house

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There’s this drunk man standing out on the street corner.

A cop passes by and says, “What do you think you’re doing?”

 Drunk-man-waiting-for-home

The drunk says, “I heard the world goes around every 24 hours and I’m waiting on my house. Won’t be long now, there goes my neighbour.”

Milking stool have

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Q: Why does a milking stool have only three legs?
A: Because the cow has the udder

Owl caught in the act

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Q: What do you call an owl caught in the act?
A: Spotted!

prove my possum

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Q: Why did the badger cross the road? A: To prove to the possum that it could be done!

600 Pound Gorilla

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Q:What do you feed a 600 pound Gorilla?
A:Anything it wants!

Hippo with carrot

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Q: What do you call a hippo with a carrot in each ear?
A: Anything you want as he can’t hear you!

Lawn moo-er

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Q :What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A :A lawn moo-er.