To prove his Possum

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Q: Why did the Koala cross the road?
A: To prove to the possum that it could be done!

Hi -po

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Q: How do you say hello to a hippopotamus?
A: Hi-po!

Goat with one ear

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Q :What do you call a goat with one ear?
A :Van goat.

Gorilla Sunday

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Q :How do you prepare a Gorilla sundae?
A: Your start getting it ready Fridae and Saturdae!

Alchoholic Porcupine

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A man and his pet porcupine walk into a bar. It’s about 5pm, but they’re ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: “Last call.” So, the man says, “One more for me… and one more for my porcupine.” The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the porcupine falls over dead. The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. The bartender, yells: “Hey buddy, you can’t just leave that lyin’ there.” To which the man replies: “That’s not a lion, that’s a porcupine.”

Three feet of my cock

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Q:If you had a donkey and I had a chicken and if your donkey ate my chicken what will you have?
A:Three feet of my cock up your ass.

Milk of Amnesia

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Q: What kind of milk comes from a forgetful cow?
A: Milk of Amnesia

Ground beef

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Q: What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor?
A: Ground Beef

Hey! This look likes yours :D

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A man staggers into the emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, and a five iron wrapped around his neck. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened. “Well, it was like this” said the man. “I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around I noticed that one of the cows had something white in it’s rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife’s monogram on it stuck right in the middle of the cow’s butt. Thats when I made my mistake.” “What did you do?”, asked the doctor. “Well, I lifted the tail, pointed, and yelled to my wife, “Hey! This looks like yours!”

Jerking each other off

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Q: What do you call two polar bears jerking each other off?
A: Bipolar.

Too big to lose

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Q :Teacher: “Where would you find an elephant?”
A:Pupil:”You don’t have to find them, they’re too big to lose!”

Cow cross the road

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Q: Why did the cow cross the road?
A: To get to the udder side.

Abbreviation of ABCDEFG & GFEDCBA

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What is ABCDEFG?

boy-proposing

A Boy Can Do Everything For a Girl!

But what is GFEDCBA? (The Opposite)

boyfriend-and-girlfriend

Girl Forgets Everything Done and Catches new Boy Again!

Drive Everyone Nuts

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Q: Why can’t you be friends with a squirrel?
A: They drive everyone nuts.

Ugly boy

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A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a bb gun in one hand and a grasshopper in the other. “Now Listen here,” the policeman said, “Whatever you do to that poor, defenseless creature I shall personally do to you” “In that case,” said the boy. “I’ll kiss it’s butt and let it go”

Ugly hippo

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Q: What time is it when a hippo sits on your bed?
A: Time to get a new bed!

A battered puss

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Q: What do you call a deep fried platypus?
A: A battered-pus

Ooo ! I love this

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Q: What did the polar bear say when it saw the igloo?
A: “Oooo! I LOVE these things! Crunchy on the outside – with a nice chewy center!”

Horse serving drinks in bar

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A guy walks into a bar and there’s a horse serving drinks.

Boy-in-bar
The horse
asks, “What are you staring at?”
Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?”

The guy says, “It’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”

Zara sambhal ke Eid Guzarna..

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Be Extra Carefull In Dinoo Apna Bohot Khayal Rakhna, Khana

Waqt Par Khana,

Ziyada Wazan Wagaira Nahiin Uthana,

Seeriyaan Ehtiyaat Say Charhna,

Kiyoun K… 9 Wan Mahina Chal Raha Hai,

Aur Theek 1 Dinn Kay Baad Tumko Khushi Milnay Wali Hai,

HAPPY EID in Advance…

Moo-moos

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Q: What do cows wear in Hawaii?
A: Moo- moos

Cutlet above the rest

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Q: Did you hear about the snobby cow?
A: She thought she was a cutlet above the rest!

Pure Evil

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Q: Which dinosaur is pure evil?
A: Daemonosaurus.

An Alarm Cluck

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Q: What do you call a rooster who wakes you up at the same time every morning?
A: An alarm cluck!

Your calves

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Q: What animals do you bring to bed?
A: Your calves.

Coop- cakes

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Q: What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
A: Coop-cakes!

Fortune Cookie

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Q: What do you call a food stamp inside of a burrito?
A: An otter fortune cookie

Tick tock Doodle doo

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Q: What does an alarm cluck say?
A: “Tick-tock-a-doodle-doo!”

Cow get to the moon

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Q: How does a cow get to the mooooon?
A: It flies through udder space!

Change light bulbs

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Q : How many reindeer does it take to change a light bulb?
A : Eight! One to screw in the light bulb and seven to hold Rudolph down!

Millionare rabbit

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Q: Did you hear about the rich rabbit?
A: He was a millionhare!

Christmas At beach

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Q: What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time?
A: Sandy Claws!

Cross a gator

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Q: What do you get when you cross a gator and a poison frog?
A: A croak-odile.

Alchoholic badger

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A man and his pet badger walk into a bar. It’s about 5pm, but they’re ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: “Last call.” So, the man says, “One more for me… and one more for my badger.” The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the badger falls over dead. The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. The bartender, yells: “Hey buddy, you can’t just leave that lyin’ there.” To which the man replies: “That’s not a lion, that’s a badger.”

Blonde cheats Lawyer

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clever layer

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, saying that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains how the game works: “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me, and visa-versa.” Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The chauvinistic lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will easily win the match, so he makes another offer:

“Okay, how about this “If you don’t know the answer you pay me only $5, but if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $50.” This catches the blonde’s attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to play the game. The lawyer asks the first question. “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?” The blonde doesn’t say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it’s the blonde’s turn. She asks the lawyer, “What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?”

The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail. After over an hour, of searching for the answer he finally gives up. He wakes the blonde and hands her $50.

The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little frustrated, wakes the blonde and asks, “Well, so what IS the answer?” Again without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

Wear White Snickers

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Q: Why did the dog wear white sneakers?
A: Because his boots were at the menders!

Coraka cola

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Q: What do toads drink?
A: Croaka-cola!

A half Cows

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Q: What do you call I half a cow?
A: a calf.

Holes in Pajamas

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Q. How can you tell if there is a dinosaur in bed with you?
A. By the `D’ on his pajamas.

A little otter

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Q: What would you rather be, a polar bear or a little otter.
A: A little (h)otter

poor skunk

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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night. When it came time to pay, the skunk didn’t have a scent, the deer didn’t have a buck, so they put the meal on the duck’s bill.

Policeman caught Nasty Boy

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A policeman caught a nasty little Australian boy with a BB gun in one hand and a koala in the other. “Now Listen here,” the policeman said, “Whatever you do to that poor, defenseless creature I shall personally do to you” “In that case,” said the boy. “I’ll kiss it’s butt and let it go”

Dinosaur lay in the sun

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Q: Where does a dinosaur lay in the sun?
A: At the dino-shore

Sheep With machine Gun

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Q: What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
A: A b-aa-aa-aa-d situation.

porcupine crossing road

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Q: Why did the Porcupine cross the road? A: To prove to the possum that it could be done!

Mommy sharks and daddy

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Q: why did the mommy shark and daddy shark get divorced
A: they no longer loved each other

Are you sure?

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A student named Jacob was sitting in class one day and the teacher walked by and he asked her “How do you put an elephant in the fridge?” The teacher said “I don’t know, how?” Jacob then said “You open the door and put it in there!” Then Jacob asked the teacher another question “How do you put a moose in the fridge?” The teacher then replied “Ohh I know this one, you open the door and put it in there?” Jacob said “No, you open the door, take the elephant out, and then you put it in there.” Then he asked another question…”All the animals went to the lions birthday party, except one animal, which one was it?” The teacher a bit confused and said “The lion?” Then the student said “No,the moose because he’s still in the fridge.” then he asked her just one more question….”If there is a river full of crocodiles and you wanted to get across it,how would you” The teacher then says “You would walk over the bridge.” Then Jacob says “No, you would swim across because all the crocodiles are at the lions birthday party!” She laughs and walks away.

Dog cross the road

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Q: Why did the dog cross the road?
A: To get to the “barking” lot!

Dusky husky

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Q: What do you call a black Eskimo dog?
A: A dusky husky!

Scotish toads play

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Q: What do Scottish toads play?
A: Hop-scotch!

Purani gal bhool gya

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Santa: yar bachapan wich me 10 manjil toh kud gya si,

Banta: fer bach gya si ke mar gyi si?

Santa: pta nahi yar badi purani gal h.

Cougar running in a machine

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Q: What’s a cougar running a copy machine called?
A: A copycat!

Rubs its legs

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Q:What is green, sooty and whistles when it rubs its back legs together?
A: Chimney Cricket!

Monkey go to drink

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Q: Where do monkeys go to drink?
A: The monkey bars!

How fast you carry it

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Q: Is it true that a dinosaur won’t attack if you hold a tree branch?
A: That depends on how fast you carry it!

I have sipt in this beer, do not drink

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A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the toilet.

Drink-at-bar

He doesn’t want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, “I have sipt in this beer, do not drink!”.

After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, “So did I!”

Zebra Went To heaven

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A zebra went to heaven. When he saw St. Peter he asked him “You know, I have always wondered, am I a white horse with black stripes or a black horse with white stripes?” St. Peter said he would have to ask God that question since he’s the one that made him.

So the zebra asked God, “God, am I a white horse with black stripes or a black horse with white stripes?”
God answered, “You are what you are.”

The zebra left and came upon St. Peter and told him,
“Well I asked God if I was a white horse with black stripes or a black horse with white stripes…”
“What was the answer,” St. Peter asked.

“Well I still don’t know. All He said was: ‘You are what you are.”‘

“Well that answers it,” Said St. Peter. “You’re a white horse with black stripes.”

“How do you know that?” asked the zebra.

“Well if you were a black horse with white stripes He would have said: “You is what you is”.

Goat hosting the Oscar

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Q :What do you call a goat hosting the Oscars?
A :Billy Crystal.

Need a Bigger condom

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Q: What did the teenage sharks say when they were having sex?
A: “we’re going to need a bigger condom!”

Deer nuts

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Q :What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
A :Beer nuts are a $1.25 but deer nuts are always under a buck.

Otter with carrot

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Q: What do you call an otter with a carrot in each ear?
A: Anything you want as he can’t hear you!

Got any Pockets

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Q: Why do Penguins carry fish in their beaks?
A: Because they haven’t got any pockets.

Strawberry is red

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Q: What’s the difference between a strawberry and a Tyrannosaurus?
A: The strawberry is red!

Eggs-plodes

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Q: What happens when you drop a hand gren-egg?
A: It eggs-plodes!

Vampire shark

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Q: What’s worse than being bitten by a shark?
A: Being bitten by a vampire shark

Twas the Night After Christmas

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‘Twas the night after Christmas and all through the trailer, the beer had gone flat and the pizza was staler. The tube socks hung empty, no candies or toys and I was camped out on my old Lay-Z-Boy. 

The kids they weren’t talking to me or my wife, the worst Christmas they said they had had in their lives. My wife couldn’t argue and neither could I, so I watched TV and my wife, she just cried.

When out in the yard the dog started barkin’, I stood up and looked and I saw Sheriff Larkin. He yelled, “Roy I am sworn to uphold the laws and I got a complaint here from a feller named Claus.”

I said, “Claus, I don’t know nobody named Claus, and you ain’t taking me in without probable cause.” Then the Sheriff he said, “The man was shot at last night.” I said, “That might have been me, just what’s he look like.”

The Sheriff replied, “Well he’s a jolly old feller, with a big beer gut belly, that shakes when he laughs like a bowl full of jelly. He sports a long beard, and a nose like a cherry.” I said, “Sheriff that sounds like my wife’s sister Sherri.”

“It’s no time for jokes Roy” the Sheriff he said. “The man I’m describing in dressed all in red. I’m here for the truth now, it’s time to come clean. Tell me what you’ve done, tell me what you’ve seen.”

Well I started to lie then I thought what the hell, it wouldn’t have been the first time that I’ve spent New Years in jail. I said, “Sheriff it happened last night about ten, and I thought that my wife had been drinking again.”

When she walked in from work she was as white as a ghost. I thought maybe she had seen one of them UFO’s. But she said that a bunch of deer had just flown over her head, and stopped on the roof of our good neighbour Red.

Well I ran outside to look and the sight made me shudder, a freezer full of venison standing right on Red’s gutter. Well my hands were a shakin’ as I grabbed my gun, when outta Red’s chimney this feller did run.

And slung on his back was this bag over flowin’. I thought he stolen Red’s stuff while old Red was out bowling’. So I yelled, “Drop fat boy, hands in the air!” But he went about his business like he hadn’t a care.

So I popped a warning shot over his head. Well he dropped that bag and he jumped in that sled. And as he flew off I heard him extort, “That’s assault with intent Roy, I’ll see ya in court.”

Stable tennis

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Q: What is a young Colts favorite sport?
A: Stable Tennis.

Frogs in Library

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One day the Library was lonely with no one in it for the librarian to help. These two chickens came through the door screeching “bouk bouk.” The librarian quickly got up and gave them each 5 books. The two chickens left satisfied. Just a few minutes later the same two chickens come through the door with no books screeching “bouk bouk.” The librarian once again jumps up and gives each chicken 15 books this time. The chickens leave satisfied once again. Then again for the third time the chicken return screeching “bouk bouk” But this rime being suspicious the librarian gives each chicken only one book because they have still have not returned the other books. As the chickens leave the librarian slowly follows behind to see where all the books are going. The chickens come to a stop and start throwing the books into a pond where some frogs grab the books and throw them behind their back croaking “red-it red-it”

Fish and Ships

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Q: What do whales eat?
A: Fish and ships.

Bunny Rabit

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Q :What do you get when you cross a frog with a rabbit?
A :A bunny ribbit.

Aunt Arctica

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Q: Whats a penguins favorite relative?
A: Aunt Arctica!

Crazy shark

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Q: how did the crazy shark become normal again
A: electro shark therapy

Baaa-stile day

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Q: What do you call sheep taking over France?
A: Baaaa-stile Day.

Blue cheese!

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Q: What do you get when you cross and smurf and a cow?
A: Blue cheese!

Let out a little wine

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Q :What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it?
A :Nothing, it just let out a little wine!

Someone who doesn’t drink or gamble?”

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A man walks out of a bar and sees a bum panhandling on the corner. The bum says, “Mister, can you spare a dollar?”

The man thinks a minute. Then he asks the bum, “If I give you a dollar, are you going to use it to buy liquor?

 2-peoples-at-bar-table

“No,” says the bum.

The man then asks, “If I give you a dollar, are you going to use it for gambling?”

Again the bum says, “No.”

So the man says to the bum, “Do you mind coming home with me so I can show my wife what happens to someone who doesn’t drink or gamble?”

What is the answer ?

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One Night 4 College Students Were Playing Till Late Night And Didn’t Study For The Test Which Was Scheduled For The Next Day.In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty and weird with grease and dirt. They then went up to the Dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.

Test Answers

So the Dean said they can have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked him and said they will be ready by that time.

On the third day they appeared before the Dean. The Dean said that as this was a Special Condition Test, All four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days.

The Test consisted of 2 questions with the total of 100 Marks.

Q.1. Your Name…………………….( 2 MARKS )
Q.2. Which tyre burst?……………( 98 MARKS )

a) Front Left
b) Front Right
c) Back Left
d) Back Right …!!!

Cougar and a snow man

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Q: What do you get when you cross a cougar and a snowman?
A: Frost-bite!

Lemur a fast food

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Q: What does a lion call a lemur?
A: Fast Food.

Horse and a Chicken

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A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can’t be found. So he drives the farmer’s BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking! A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, “I think I can stand over the hole!” So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, “Grab for my penis and pull yourself up.” And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
Moral of the Story: If you’re hung like a horse, you don’t need a BMW to pick up chicks.

Little Squirt

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Q: What do you call a baby whale?
A: A little squirt!

Get a moove on

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Q: What did the cow say to the turtle?
A: Get a moove on

Looking for Pooh

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Q: Why did Tigger look in the toilet?
A: He was looking for pooh.

Reindeer glasses

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Q : Why did the reindeer wear sunglasses to the Christmas party?
A: Because he didn’t want to be recognised!

Cross a dog and a calculator

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Q: What do you get when you cross a dog and a calculator?
A: A friend you can count on.

Dinosaur never gives up

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Q: What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?
A: Try-Try-Try-ceratops !

Wearing Venetian Blinds

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Q: What do you call a horse wearing Venetian blinds?
A: A zebra!

The Apes Of Wrath

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Q : Which author do the Gorillas love most?
A: Joh Steinbeck – who wrote ‘The Apes of Wrath!’

Tyrannosaurus

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Q: What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?
A: Tyrannosaurus wrecks !

cleanest antlers

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Q :Which reindeer has the cleanest antlers?
A : Comet!

Laughing carrots

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Q: What do you call an Lemur with a carrot in each ear?
A: Anything you want as he can’t hear you!

He had little Ape-tude

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Q :Why did the Gorilla fail English?
A : He had little Ape-titude!

Spanish Goats

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Q :What do you call a Spanish goat with no back legs?
A :Gracias.

Sheep with no legs

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Q: What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A: A cloud.

Cross gator and Poison Frog

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Q :What do you get when you cross a gator and a poison frog?
A :A croakadile.

Cows Will be in heaven

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Q: How to you know that cows will be in heaven?
A: It’s a place of udder delight.

Sharks is always quoting

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Q: What kind of shark is always quoting Shakespeare?
A: A bard shark

Goat at sea

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Q :What do you call a goat at sea?
A :Billy Ocean.

Cows listen Piano

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Q: What did the cow say when a person played the piano?
A: That’s good moooooosic.

Chick dissapoint his mother

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Q: Why did the chick disappoint his mother?
A: He wasn’t what he was cracked up to be!

sir?

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Q. What do you call a dinosaur as tall as a house, with long sharp teeth, and 12 claws on each foot?
A. Sir.

Stops VCR

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Q: How does a polar bear stop a VCR?
A: It just presses the “paws” button.

Badger with carrot

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Q: What do you call an Badger with a carrot in each ear? A: Anything you want as he can’t hear you!

So rude ji je

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Preeto : ji je me mount everest te chad javan taan tusi mainu ki doge?
Santa : puchan wali kehdi gal hai “dhakaa”

The Bear Hug

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Q :Which technique does a Gorilla borrow from another animal when it gets romantic?
A :The bear hug!

Precious book out of cow

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The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn’t believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the cow’s mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!” “Not really,” said the cow. “Your name is written inside the cover.”

Gorilla most wanted

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Q :Why did the actor fire his Gorilla agent?
A :The big Ape kept wanting to take more than a 10% bite!

Anywhere he wants too

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Q: Where does a tiger sleep?
A: Anywhere he wants to!

ugly little boy

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A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a bb gun in one hand and a platypus in the other. “Now Listen here,” the policeman said, “Whatever you do to that poor, defenseless creature I shall personally do to you” “In that case,” said the boy. “I’ll kiss it’s butt and let it go”

Horrible dream of my life

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Q: What do you call a dream in which polar bears are attacking you?
A: A bitemare!

Sir g !! Tussi Great ho

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Santa finds cigarette box in his daughter’s room..
“Oh my god! she smikes”

The he finds whisky
“Oh my god! she drinks”

Then he saw a boy
“Thank God! its all his”

Elephant with carrot

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Q :What do you call an elephant with a carrot in each ear?
A :Anything you want as he can’t hear you!

Water polo

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Q: Did you hear about the blonde water-polo player?
A: His horse drowned

Pros and Cons Chart

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Q: Why did the dog need help on his Pros and Cons chart?
A: He was CON-fused!

Donkey kicked his Mother

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Sid was travelling down a country road in his native Yorkshire, England when he saw a crowd of people gathering outside a farmhouse.Prize Donkey Joke

It was a cold November afternoon, so he stopped and asked Farmer Ellis why such a large crowd of men was gathered there.

The farmer replied, ‘Jo’s donkey kicked his mother-in-law and she died.’

‘Well, ‘replied the man, ‘She must have had a lot of friends.’

‘Nope, ‘said Farmer Ellis.’ We all just want to buy his donkey.’

Sharks like to drink

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Q: What do yuppie sharks like to drink
A: Jaw-va

T.T.E going to kill bihari

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There was this Bihari who was travelling with two tickets, so when
the T.T.E asked for the ticket, this fellow gave both the tickets, and
so the T.T.E asked him the reason of buying two tickes , this fellow
answered well what will happen if in case I lose one of them, so the
T.T.E said what if you lose both of them, so this guy said then why
do I have a monthly pass.

Prince and her paw parr

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Q: What is a cats favorite book?
A: The prince and the paw-purr.

Squash

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Q :What is an elephants favorite sport?
A :Squash

Rabbit in wedding night

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Q: What did the rabbits do after their wedding?
A: They went on their bunnymoon!

Dinosaur slept all day

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Q: Which dinosaur slept all day ?
A: The dino-snore!

Devour the Factory

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Q: Why did the Apatosaurus devour the factory?
A: Because she was a plant eater!

Lawyers are clever

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An old penny pincher had no friends. Just before he died he asked his doctor, lawyer, and pastor to gather around him at bedside.

“I have always heard that you can’t take it with you. But I want to disprove that theory,” he said. “I have $90,000 under my mattress, and when I die, just before they throw the dirt on me at my burial, I want you each to toss in an envelope with $30,000 within.”

Clever lawyer

The three attended the funeral and each threw his envelope in the grave. On the way back from the cemetery, the pastor said, “I must confess. I needed $10,000 for my new church, so I only threw in $20,000.”

The doctor then said,
“I must confess too. I needed $20,000 for a new hospital I was opening up, so I only threw in $10,000.”

The lawyer looked at them both and shook his head. He then said, “Gentlemen, I’m surprised, shocked, and ashamed of you. I don’t see how you could dare to go against that man’s final wish. I mean, I threw in my personal check for the full amount”

If students get wrong concept

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A college student was in a philosophy class, where there was a class discussion about whether or not God exists, The professor had the following logic:

“Has anyone in this class heard God?” Nobody spoke. “Has anyone in this class touched God?” Again, nobody spoke. “Has anyone in this class seen God?”

When nobody spoke for the third time, he simply stated, “Then there is no God.”

student-with-open-book

The student did not like the sound of this at all, and asked for permission to speak. The professor granted it, and the student stood up and asked the following questions of his classmates:

“Has anyone in this class heard our professor’s brain?” Silence.

“Has anyone in this class touched our professor’s brain?” Absolute silence.

“Has anyone in this class seen our professor’s brain?”

When nobody in the class dared to speak, the student concluded, “Then, according to our professor’s logic, it must be true that our professor has no brain!”

Frustrate Boy

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Pakistani Boy :

Smajh nai arha Eid ki khushi ziada hai ya…..??

.

.

.

.

3 din light na jaane ki 🙂

How many arms Alligators have

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Q: How many arms has a alligator got?
A: Depends how far he has got with eating his dinner!

Little boy on Donkey

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donkey_dead

An old man and a little boy on a donkey were on their way into town. They passed by a group of people who said, “What a shame for that old man to be walking while that perfectly able-bodied boy rides that donkey.” So the boy got off the donkey and the old man got on. They later passed by some more people who said,” Why should that little boy have to walk when they have a donkey to ride on. So the little boy got on the donkey and they both rode it. After a while, they passed some more people. They overheard the people say, “That poor donkey must be wore out from carrying both of them.” So the little boy and old man picked up the donkey and started to carry it. They were carrying the donkey across a bridge. The weight of the donkey became just too unbearable and slipped from their grasp and went over the side of the bridge into the water and drowned. The moral of the story is: If You Try To Please Everyone You’ll Eventually Lose Your ASS!

Bugs Bunny !

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Q: What do you get when you cross an insect and a rabbit?
A: Bugs Bunny!

Spelling bee

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Q: What’s smarter than a talking parrot?
A: A spelling bee

seagulls have wings?

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Q:Why do seagulls have wings?
A:To beat the Gypsies to the rubbish tipa

Frogs listens music

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Q :What kind of music do frogs listen to?
A :Hip Hop

Quicksand litter box

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Q: What do you need to get a fast cat to use the litter box?
A: Quicksand.

Drowing otter

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Q: How do you save a drowning otter?
A: Take your foot of its head

Shark puppeteers

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Q: Why aren’t there any shark puppeteers?
A: They have no hands!

Avagadro is so rich

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Q: Why is Avogadro so rich?
A: He’s a multi-mole-ionare!

Ptera Don

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Q: What is the head of an Italian dinosaur family called?
A: Ptera Don

Describe Themselves

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Q: How do tigers describe themselves?
A: Purr-fect!

A complex love story

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Hero loves heroine , but heroine loves the villain.
But villain loves hero’s sister,and hero’s sister loves heroine’s brother .
Here, heroine’s brother loves villain’s sister .
But villain’s sister loves hero’s brother.

 a-complex-love-story

Again!, hero’s brother is also interested in heroine , and you already know that heroine loves villain.

Finally two people commit suicide.
Who’re they? ……….. Producer and the Director!!

Roaster doo something

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Q: Why did the rooster cross the road?
A: To cockadoodle dooo something!

Medical problem with chicken

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Psychiatrist: What seems to be the problem?
Patient: I think I’m a chicken.
Psychiatrist: How long as this been going on?
Patient: Ever since I came out of my shell.

Lean beef

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Q: What do you call a cow with no front legs?
A: Lean Beef

Its Shadow

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Q: What is as big as a gorilla but weighs nothing?
A: Its shadow!

Loses his tail

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Q: Where should a monkey go when he loses his tail? A: To a retailer!

Bush, Laaloo and dog

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Bush: Tujhe swimming aati hai?
Laaloo: No!

Bush:Tere se kutta acha hai jo swim kar leta hai.
Laaloo: Tujhe aati hai?

Swimmer dog

Bush:Haan!
Laaloo: Fir tere mein aur kutte mein kya farak hai…

Dorsal Day

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Q: Who is the shark communitys favorite 1950s film actress
A: Dorsal Day

Reptile works in a farm

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Q: What do you call a reptile that works on a farm?
A: An irri-gator.

Got milk?

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Q: What did one dairy cow say to another?
A: Got milk?

Alligator up on the bar

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A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar and turns to the astonished patrons.

“I’ll make you a deal. I’ll open this alligator’s mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He’ll then open his mouth, and I’ll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.”

The crowd murmurs their approval. The man stands up on the bar, drops his trousers, and places his privates in the alligator’s open mouth. The gator closes his mouth as the crowd gasps. After a minute, the man grabs a beer bottle and raps the alligator hard on the top its head. The gator opens his mouth, and the man removes his genitals, unscathed, as promised. The crowd cheers, and he receives the first of his free drinks.

The man stands up again and makes another offer: “I’ll pay anyone $100 who’s willing to give it a try.”

A hush falls over the crowd. A moment later, a hand goes up in the back of the bar.

“I’ll try,” says a small woman, “but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle.”

He can’t hear you

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Q: What do you say to a twenty ton dinosaur with headphones on?
A: Anything you want. He can’t hear you.

Slide down the banana ster

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Q: How do monkeys get down the stairs?
A: They slide down the banana-ster!

Sun burned Zebra

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Q: Whats black and white and red all over?
A: A sun-burned zebra!

Always said neigh

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Q: Did you hear about the horse with the negative altitude?
A: She always said Neigh

Feet smell nasty

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Q: Why does a brontosaurus have a long neck?
A: Because it’s feet smell.

Parrot talk Properly

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Q: How do you get a parrot to talk properly?
A: Send him to polytechnic!

Brick layer

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Q: What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A: A brick layer!

Dino-mite

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Q: What do you call a dinosaur that eats fireworks?
A: A dino-mite

Playboy mansion

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Q: What do you call a platypus at the playboy mansion?
A: Platypussy

Ate a duck

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Q: What do you call a cat who just ate a duck?
A: a duck-filled platy puss.

Rubbish

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Q :When should you feed milk to a baby elephant?
A :When it’s a baby elephant!

A dumb Ass!!

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Q: What do you call a donkey that was born with a brain injury?
A: A dumb ass!!!

Platypus took little wine

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Q: What did the grape say when the platypus stood on it?
A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine!

Grapes under the Owl

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Q: What did the grape say when the Owl stood on it?
A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine!

I’d like salad

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Q: What did the polar bear say after a winter of feeding on seals?
A: “I think I’d like a salad!”

Jockey communicate

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Q: How does a winning jockey communicate with his horse?
A: He lays his cards on the stable.

The meet Market

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Q: Where do cows get together?
A: The meet market.

1 pathan Eid wale din Movie dekh rha tha

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1 Pathan Eid wale din Cinema mai Film dekh raha tha.
.
Film mai 1 Shair dowarty howe araha tha.
.
Pathan ne dekha tu dar gia, owr apni chadir kandhy pa dal kar bhaagny laga
Logo ne kaha: Khan Sahib mat daro, yai tu film hai
.
Pathan: Wo tu mujh ko bhi pata hai ke yai film hai, lekin wo tu janwar hai, usko kia pata

Shepherd looking for a sheep

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A shepherd was looking for a lost sheep, after a couple hours he found it stuck in some briar bushes and covered with mud. He rescued the sheep. After several slanderous remarks about the muddy dumb sheep, the sheep blurted out, “What are you griping about, I almost drowned in the pond?” Shocked at hearing the Sheep speak, the Shepherd asked the sheep why he was in the pond in the first place, “Don’t you know sheep can’t swim?”, We were not swimming, we were wallowing in mud and I stepped into, a deep hole?” “Who is we?” the Shepherd asked. “Me and the pig?” The sheep replied. “Why on earth would you wallow in mud?” asked the Shepherd. “Well the pig said it would make me cooler, I was getting hot.” The shepherd asked the sheep where the pig was. The sheep replied. “He went back to the barn.” So the Shepherd put the sheep on his shoulders and began his trip back to the barn. He did not own a pig, and he planned to take the pig to task for the mud wallowing incident. The next day the shepherd?s rich neighbor a farmer came by and inquired if the shepherd had seen his pig. Soon the Shepherd began telling the rich farmer about the sheep and pig story, and demanded compensation for the incident caused by the farmer’s pig.” The farmer expressed his doubts to the Shepherd, whereupon the Sheep blurted out “He’s right, it was your pig that did it.” Just then the rich farmer realized that this was a talking sheep. He thought to himself, “I can make millions with a talking sheep. He stopped the discussion and asked if the shepherd would take 500 dollars for the sheep. The shepherd replied that he would consider the sale on an as is basis, no guarantees. The farmer then bought the sheep and the trade was done. The shepherd turned and as he walked away the farmer heard him say “Well that’s one less diseased and dying sheep I have to worry about, Your pig said he was full of shit anyway.”

Sheep can sew its own sweater

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Q: What do you get when you cross a sheep and a porcupine?
A: An animal that can sew its own sweaters.

Titanic doob rha si

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Titanic doob riha si,
ik gore ne santu nu puchiya etho zameen kini dur h?
Santa 1 km.
Gora: kehdi side?
Santa :niche di side

One Tought Nut

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Q: Why couldn’t the squirrel eat the macadamia nut?
A: It was one tough nut to crack.

Rep tiles

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Q: What kind of materials do dinosaurs use for the floor of their homes?
A: Rep Tiles

A mathematician organizes a raffle

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A mathematician organizes a raffle in which the prize is an infinite amount of money paid over an infinite amount of time.

Math-raffle

Of course, with the promise of such a prize, his tickets sell like hot cake. When the winning ticket is drawn, and the jubilant winner comes to claim his prize, the mathematician explains the mode of payment:

“1 dollar now, 1/2 dollar next week, 1/3 dollar the week after that…”

Hippo with carrot

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Q: What do you call a hippo with a carrot in each ear?
A: Anything you want as he can’t hear you!

Easter bunny married with chicken

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Q: What would you call the Easter Bunny if he married a chicken?
A: The very first rabbit to lay an egg!

The Naked Ape!

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Q :Which book makes prudish Gorillas blush?
A : The Naked Ape!

Dog with no legs

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Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?
A: It doesn’t matter…. he’s not going to come anyway.

cenima lover

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A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a skunk sitting next to him.
“Are you a skunk?” asked the man,
surprised. “Yes.”
“What are you doing at the movies?” The skunk replied,
“Well, I liked the book.”

Swimming in Circles

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Q: Why did the shark commit suicide
A: He was tired of feeling like he was swimming in circles

Owls serves hot Wings

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Q: What do you call an Owl that serves hot wings?
A: Hooters.

Both have big memories

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Q :How are elephants and computers similar?
A :They both have big memories.

Brave men of army

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General McKenzie was in charge of the Navy and he was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. McKenzie arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and McKenzie asks: “So how are your men?”

“Very well trained, Gral. McKenzie.

“I hope so. You see, my men over at the Navy are so well trained, you could see they’re the bravest men all over the country.” “Well, my men are very brave, too.”

Army officer with wife

“I’d like to see that.”

So Marshall calls private Cooper and says: “Private Johnson! I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body!”

“Are you crazy? It’d kill me, you idiot! I’m out of here!” As private Johnson ran away, Marshall turned to a bewildered McKenzie and said:

“You see? You have to be pretty brave to talk like that to a general.”

Santa faces insulting by female deer

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One day, Santa saw a young deer with a glowing nose of red…he smiled at him and waved to young creature. The deer dropped his bottle of gin and exclaimed “Oh Sh!t…it’s Santa!” And ran away. Santa rubbed his beard and shook his head. “I think I’ll call that one Rude-off.”

BEAR your heart

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Q: How do you apologize to a sloth?
A: BEAR your heart and soul.

Pit bull is seeing eye dog ?

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Two men are walking by a restaurant and one of them says, “That smells amazing! Lets get something.”

The other man replies, “But they don’t let dogs in, what are we going to do with them.”

The first man puts on a pair of sunglasses and has his friend do the same and says, “Follow my lead.”

He starts to walk into the restaurant and the waiter stops him, “You cannot bring dogs in here sir.”

The man gets offended, “Excuse me sir! This is my seeing eye dog, I am blind.”

The waiter questions this, “But your dog is a pit bull?”

The man replies, “I know, I am a very important person, I need protection as well.”

The first man passes through and the second man begins to walk through when the waiter stops him and asks him the same question. The man replies, “This is my seeing eye dog too.”

The waiter replies, “Really? A chihuahua?”

The man freaks out, “What?! They gave me a chihuahua?!”

Rip It In

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Q : What do frogs do with paper?
A : Rip-it!

Radio reception

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Q: Why do moose have such big antlers?
A: So they get better radio reception!

Dog and pony show

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Q: Did you hear about the dog who couldn’t stop talking like a horse?
A: It was a dog and pony show.

Husband and wife

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A husband and wife are driving home and run over a badger, they get out and find its still breathing but freezing cold. The husband says “Put it between your legs to warm it up” Wife replies “But its all wet and it stinks!” Husband says “Well hold its nose!”.

Gorilla welfare

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Q :Why did both Germany and the U.S want to hire Apes during World War Two?
A : Because they are excellent at waging Gorilla warfare!

Otter get into honest buisness

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Q: How does an otter get into an honest business?
A: Usually through the skylight.

Policeman Give the sheep

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Q: Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?
A: He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.

Star Warts

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Q :What do you get if cross a science fiction film with a toad?
A :Star Warts!

The Green mole

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Q: What is a mole’s favorite movie?
A: The Green Mole

Girl call a frog

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Q :What do you call a girl with a frog in her hair?
A :Lily!

Bite the bullet

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Q: Why shouldn’t you shoot an alligator?
A: He’ll just bite the bullet and make the best of it.

smart lemur

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A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a Lemur sitting next to him. “Are you a Lemur?” asked the man, surprised. “Yes.” “What are you doing at the movies?” The Lemur replied, “Well, I liked the book.”

Little of mittens

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Q: Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of yarn?
A: She had a litter of mittens.

Isko bolo humne Hajj bi kia hai

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1 Pathan Eid ki Namaz parh raha tha
.
To dosra usky bare mai kesi ko bata raha tha ke yai boht Namazi owr naik banda hai.
.
Pathan Namaz thor kar bola:
Es ko bolo ke “hum ne Haj bhi kia hai”

Seagulls in cenima

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A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a seagull sitting next to him.
“Are you a seagull?” asked the man,
surprised. “Yes.”
“What are you doing at the movies?” The seagull replied,
“Well, I liked the book.”

mattypus

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Q: What do you get when you cross a platypus and a long division problem? A: A Mathypus.

Bill Clinton invites behari to teach english

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Lalu Prasad was once invited by Bill Clinton to White House for one month to learn English.
One month later, Rabri Devi called White House to check how much English Lalu learnt there.
Bill Clinton picked up the phone.
Rabri(assuming it would be Lalu on the other end) : “Kyun ji, English bole la sikh le la?”
Clinton : “Are bhauji aap, pranam! Lalua to kucho nahi sikh saka, hum Bill Clinton(wa) bol raha hun.”

Call a Frozen chart

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Q: What do you call a frozen dog?
A: A pupsicle.

Eats Gunpowder

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Q: What happens when a hen eats gunpowder?
A: She lays hand gren-eggs!

Medical college ki bi dik jaengi

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Santa : je me is nariyal de ped te chad jawan taan, engineering college di kudiyan dikh jangi?

Banta: haan je gir gya taan medical college di v nal hi dikh jangi.

Prancer always wet

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Q : Why is Prancer always wet?
A : Because he’s a “rain”-deer!

They cant catch it

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Q: Why don’t crocodiles like fast food?
A: Because they can’t catch it!

I like your thinking

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A teacher asks her class, “If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?” She calls on little Mark.

He replies, “None , they will all fly away with the first gunshot.”
The teacher replies, “The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.”

Then little Mark says, “I have a question for YOU. ”
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.

Which one is married?

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, Continue reading

Haha Long Arm of the Law

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Q: What do you get if you cross a giraffes with a police-man ?
A: Long-arm of the Law !

Chicken Ceaser

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Q: What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye?
A: CHICKEN CAESER SALAD (CHICKEN SEES A SALAD)

Bankrupt Cowboy

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Q: Why can’t the bankrupt cowboy complain?
A: He’s got no beef.

show your skunks

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Q: How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?
A: A phew!

Dinosaour cross the road

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Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road ?
A: The chicken hadn’t evolved yet!

Tongue Tied

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Q : What happens when two frogs collide?
A : They get tongue tied!

M.P

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Officer: What Is Your Name?
Candidate: M P. Sir

Officer: Tell Me Properly.
Candidate: Mohan Pal Sir

Officer: Your Father’s Name?
Candidate: M P. Sir

Officer: What Does That Mean?
Candidate: Manmohan Pal Sir

Officer: Your Native Place
Candidate: M P. Sir

Officer: Is It Madhya Pradesh?
Candidate: No, Munnur Pal Sir

Officer: What Is Your Qualification?
Candidate: M P. Sir

Officer: (angrily) What Is It?
Candidate: Metric Pass

Officer: Why Do You Need A Job?
Candidate: M P. Sir

Officer: And What Does That Mean?
Candidate: Money Problem Sir

Officer: Describe Your Personality
Candidate: M P. Sir

interview-desk

Officer: Explain Yourself Clearly
Candidate: Magnanimous Personality Sir

Officer: This Discussion Is Nowhere, You May Go Now.
Candidate: M P. Sir

Officer: What Is It Now
Candidate: My Performance. ..?

Officer: M.P!!!
Candidate: What Is That Sir?

Officer: Mental Problems

Alligator walks into a Bar

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A man walked into a Florida bar with his alligator and asked the bartender:
“Do you serve lawyers here?”
“Sure.” Good.
One beer for me and a lawyer for my alligator.”

A Knight Owl

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Q: What do you call an owl with armor?
A: A Knight Owl

Call a Polar bear

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Q: What do you call a polar bear wearing earmuffs?
A: Call it anything you want – it can’t hear you.

Video Camera & toilet room

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Take your Video camera (take someone elses if you don’t have one)
2) Enter your toilet room
3) From the other side of the room to the toilet, stand on a chair and video a shot from near the ceiling of your toilet seat (about 5 mins should do)
4) Have a party !!
5) When someone leaves the room to visit the lav. put the cassette in your vid player.
6) Just before the person re-enters the room start playing the tape – with everyone in the room laughing at the TV screen.
7) WATCH THE FACE OF THE PERSON RE-ENTERING THE ROOM !! 🙂

terrible lawyers

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Q: Why do sharks make terrible lawyers?
A: They’re too nice!

They both wear stripes

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Q: How are tigers like sergeants in the army?
A: They both wear stripes!

Cross owl with oester

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Q: What do you get when you cross an owl and an oyster?
A: Pearls of Wisdom

Illegaly parked frog

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Q : What do you call an illegally parked frog?
A : Toad.

Waiting for her husband

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wife-waiting-for-husband

Wife waiting for husband with three domestic weapons 😛

grape under porcupine

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Q: What did the grape say when the Porcupine stood on it? A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine!

Raised in a Zoo

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Q: Why are gorillas so noisy?
A: They were raised in a zoo!

Horn Moose

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Q: What’s the difference between a ska band and a moose?
A: A moose has horns in the front and its asshole in the back!

Animal Crackers

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Q :When did the Gorillas start to picket the cookie factory?
A: The day they started to manufacture animal crackers!

an octapus

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Q:what do you get when you cross a platypus with 8 tenticles? A: An octa-pus.

Cuts down a tree !!

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Q: What does a logger say before he cuts down a tree?
A: Let the chimps fall where they may.

Elephant to a naked man

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Q: What did the elephant say to a naked man?
A: Hey that’s cute but can you breath through it?

Chicken wanted to play squash

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Q: Why did the chicken stand in the middle of the road?
A: Coz he wanted to play squash!

Call a dog magician

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Q: What do you call a dog magician?
A: A labracadabrador.

Ferret crossing road

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Q: Why did the ferret cross the road?
A: To prove to the possum that it could be done!

Cat has trophy

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Q: What is it called when a cat wins a dog show?
A: A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!

Nice Knawing you

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Q: What did they llama say to the blade of grass?
A: Nice knawing you!

March Of Penguins

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Q: What did Morgan Freeman say when Penguins told him they liked March of the Penguins?
A: Why the hell was I narrating it if Penguins can talk

Croaka-Cola

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Q :What do toads drink?
A :Croaka-cola!

Goat playin the piano

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Q :What do you call a goat playing the piano?
A :Billy Joel.

Evening mews

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Q: What is the cat’s favorite TV show?
A: The evening mews!

Striped Zebra

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Q: If a quadruped has four legs and a biped has two legs, what is a zebra?
A: A stri-ped.

He is a meat Eater

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Q: Why did the T-Rex eat hamburgers?
A: Because he is a meat eater!

crazy ferret

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Q: How do you drive a ferret crazy?
A: Give him a round litter pan.

We don’t have an air conditioner

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A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant, at first he’d asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.

waiter-serving-food

Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn’t throw out the pest.

“Oh, that man I don’t care.”
said the waiter with a smile. “We don’t even have an air conditioner.”

Cow only has one horn

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Q: What is the difference between a car and a bull?
A: A car only has one horn.

Cougars favourite

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Q: What is cougar’s favorite food ?
A: Baked beings !

With Cowculator

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Q: How does a farmer count a herd of cows?
A: With a Cowculator

Crocodile and window

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Q: What’s the similarity between a Crocodile and Windows?
A: Neither of them has enough bytes!

Cross a shark

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Q: What do you get if you cross a shark with a Rottweiler?
A: An abomination unto God Himself

Deer with no eyes

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Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A: I have no I-Deer

Bargaining Chimp

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Q: How do you get an escaped lion back into his habitat?
A: With a bargaining chimp.

Bombshell outside

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Q: What do you call the outside of a hand gren-egg?
A: The bombshell!

Gorilla in the soup

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Q: Why do waiters like Gorillas better than flies?
A: Did you ever hear a customer complain ‘Waiter, there’s a Gorilla in my soup!’

Strawberry patch

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Q: Why did the dinosaur paint her toenails red?
A: So she could hide in the strawberry patch!

Appetizers

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Q: What do alligators call human children?
A: Appetizers.

Embarrased Penguin

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Q: What’s black and white and red all over?
A: An embarrassed penguin.

Horse name was Friday

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Q: How did the cowboy ride into town on Friday, stay for three days, and ride out on Friday?
A: His horse’s name was Friday!

Night cream

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Q: What did Avogadro invent for his wife to use as a night cream?
A: Oil of Molay

Because he has sandy claws

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Q: Why is the desert lion everyone’s favorite at Christmas?
A: Because he has sandy claws!

Frog leave his hat

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Q :Where do frogs leave their hats and coats?
A :In the croakroom!

Mcdonald’s run out of Chicken

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Q: Why did McDonald’s run out of chicken McNuggets?
A: The farmer counted his chickens before they hatched.

Give practical example of this principle

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Math Teacher :
If a=b  and b=c then a=c,
now give me the practical example of this principle from real life.

Math-student
Student
:
I love you sir
and you love your daughter
which means I love your daughter.

Gorila griller

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Q. Why did the ape run around with a piece of raw meat on his head?
A. He thought he was a gorilla. (griller)

Sheep Get haircut

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Q: Where did the sheep get a haircut?
A: The baa-baa shop!

Saint Cowboy

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The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a ferret walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn’t believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the ferret’s mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!” “Not really,” said the ferret. “Your name is written inside the cover.”

Sir???

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Q :What do you call a hamster that can pick up an elephant ?
A: Sir!

Owl invite his friend

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Q: Why did the Owl invite his friends over?
A: He didn’t want to be Owl by himself.

Moo-ltiplication

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Q: What Is A Cows Favorite Type Of Math?
A: Moo-tiplication

Qorld weakest animal

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Q: Whats the world weakest animal?
A: A toad, he croaks if you even touch him!

Feet are Saurus

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Q: What do you call a dinosaur with high heels?
A: My-feet-are-saurus

Discoveries of man & woman

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Man discovered weapons, invented hunting.
Woman discovered hunting, invented furs.
 
Man discovered colors, invented painting.
Woman discovered painting, invented make-up .
 
Man discovered speech, invented conversation.
Woman discovered conversation, invented gossip .
 
Man discovered agriculture, invented food.
Woman discovered food, invented diet.
 
Man discovered friendship, invented love.
Woman discovered love, invented marriage .
 
Man discovered trade, invented money.
Woman discovered money, man has never recovered

Japenese Shocked Behari Rocks

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The Japanese government offers Rabri Devi a golden deal. “Give us Bihar for a year, We will make it like Japan.”
Rabri Devi replies. “Give us Japan for a month. We will make it like Bihar”.

A Brocileasoarus

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Q: What do you call a dinosaur that eats it’s vegetables?
A: A.brocileasoarus

Keep their Nuts Dry

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Q: Why do squirrels swin on there back?
A: To keep their nuts dry!

Letter to her friend

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Q: How does a chicken mail a letter to her friend?
A: In a HEN-velope!

Physiologists

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Psychologist: What brings you here today?
Squirrel: I realized I am what I eat…..Nuts.

Kher Mubarak ..

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1 Pathan Ko Road Pe Say 100 Rupay Ka Note Mila
Jis Par Likha Tha,,
.
.
. “Eid Mubarak”
PatHan Ne Note Pocket Mein Dala Or Bola
“Khair Mubarak” ;P : )

Coutnt them all

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Q: Can you name 10 dinosaurs in 10 seconds?
A: Yes, 8 Iguanadons and 2 Stegasaurus.

Moody blues

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Q: What band is a cow favorite?
A: Moody Blues

Mooney

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Q: What do cows get when they do all their chores?
A: Mooney.

Cinderelephant

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Q :What’s grey, beautiful and wears glass slippers?
A :Cinderelephant!

Teri shaadi kisi gadhe se kar dunga

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Pehla gadha: Yaar mein jis dhobi ke ghar kaam karta hoo, vo mujhe bahut marta hai.
Doosra gadha: Tu ghar chor kar bhaag kyo nahi jata.

Donkey / gadha

Pehla gadha: Kya batau yaar dhobi ki ek bahut koobsurat ladki hai, vo jab bhi shararat karti hai to dhobi kehta hai ki, teri shaadi kisi gadhe se kar dunga.
Bas yeh soch kar ruka hua hoo.

Flying reindeer

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Q : how can Santa’s sleigh possibly fly through the air?
A : You would too if you were pulled by flying reindeer!

Imam Shocked People After Eid prayer

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An Imam shocked his community when he announced just after Eid ul fitar Prayer that he was resigning from that particular Masjid and moving to a drier climate. After the session, a very distraught lady came to the Imam with tears in her eyes, “Oh, Imam, we are going to miss you so much. We don’t want you to leave!” The kind hearted Imam said “Now, now, sister, don’t carry on. The Imam who takes my place might be even better than me”.
“Yeah”, she said, with a tone of disappointment in her voice, “That’s what they said the last time too . . . “

Disappointed salesman of Coca Cola

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A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment. A friend asked, “Why weren’t you successful with the Arabs?”

The salesman explained, “When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn’t know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters…

First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand… totally exhausted and panting.

 Desert-man-exhausted

Second, the man is drinking our Cola and

Third, our man is now totally refreshed.

Drinking-coca-cola

Then these posters were pasted all over the place”

“That should have worked,” said the friend.

The salesman replied, “Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn’t realize that Arabs read from right to left…”

Aligator Arms

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Q: How many arms has a alligator got?
A: Depends how far he has got with eating his dinner!

Survival Kit

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Q: What do you call a cat that can rough the great outdoors?
A: A survival kit.

Bird that lays down

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Q: What do you get when you cross a chicken with a duck?
A: A bird that lays down!

Moles love chemistry

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MOLE day

Q: What element do moles love to study in chemistry?
A: Molybdenum

Billy Idol

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Q :What do you call an unemployed goat?
A :Billy Idol.

Navigator

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Q: What do you call a crocodile with GPS?
A: A Navi-gator.

Talk to a cow

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Q: What happens when you talk to a cow?
A: It goes in one ear and out the udder!

Control over wife

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There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.

After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, “well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?”
Men-under-bed

The third fellow says “I’ll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees.”

The first two guys were amazed. “What happened then?” They asked. She said, “get out from under the bed and fight like a man”.

it all happened so fast

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A sloth named Herman is walking through the forest one day. A gang of snails approach him and beat him up for 7 hours. He is left at the bottom of a tree with several cuts and bruises. Several hours later, he gathers up enough strength to go to a local police station. Herman walks into the Sergeant’s office. “What happened to you? the officer asks. “A gang of snails beat me up,” Herman replied. “Can you describe what they looked like?” “I don’t know,” the sloth says. “It all happened so fast.”

Little wine

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Q: What did the grape say when the Lemur stood on it?
A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine!

blind reindeer

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Q : What do you call a blind reindeer?
A : No eye deer (no idea)

Choclate melodt

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Q: What did Avogadro get when he mixed ice cream, chocolate syrup, and milk together?
A: A chocolate Moledt

Long heaird hippo

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Q: What do you call a long haired hippo?
A: A hippy

Dinosaur crashes his car

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Q: What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars?
A: Tyrannosaurus wrecks!

To he mooon

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Q: “Where did the cows go last night”?
A: “To the mooon”

It really stinks

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Q: Have you heard the skunk joke?
A: You don’t want to; it really stinks!

Lighthouse keeper

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Q :Why did the toad become a lighthouse keeper?
A :He had his own frog horn!

Whats yellow?

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Q: What’s yellow, comes from Peru, and is completely unknown?
A: Waterloo Bear, Paddington Bear’s forgotten cousin!

He was Chicken

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Q: Why did the rooster run away?
A: He was chicken!

Blonde one liners

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Blonde one liner jokes

Why does a blonde keep empty beer bottles in her fridge?
They are for those who don’t drink!

How do you keep a blonde busy?
You give her a bottle of shampoo that says: “Lather, rinse, and repeat.”

How do you confuse a blonde?
You don’t. They’re born that way.

Why did the blonde tip toe past the medicine cabinet?
So she wouldn’t wake up the Sleeping Pills.

Stinky winkey donkey

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Q: What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye while breaking wind ? A:
A stinkey winkey wonkey donkey

Hits the bull’s eye

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Q: Did you hear about the blonde that died with a bow and arrow in her hand?
A: She hit the bull’s eye.

I hate that beggar

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Wife: I hate that beggar.
Husband: Why?
Wife: Yesterday I gave him food and today he gave me a book “How to Cook”!

Call group of chicken

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Q: What do you call a group of chickens clucking in unison?
A: A Hensemble.

Penguins get money

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Q: Were do penguins get money from?
A: A fishbank.

Cougar with a WatchDog

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Q: What do you get if you cross a cougar with a watchdog ?
A: A terrified postman !

Touchasaurus Spot.

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Q: How do you upset a dinosaur?
A: Touchasaurus Spot.

Mulla nasir uddin deliver speech

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Once, the people of the city invited Mulla Nasruddin to deliver a speech. When he got on the minbar (pulpit), he found the audience was not very enthusiastic, so
he asked “Do you know what I am going to say?”
The audience replied “NO”,
so he announced “I have no desire to speak to people who don’t even know what I will be talking about” and he left. The people felt embarrassed and called him back again the next day.
This time when he asked the same question, the people replied “YES”
So Mullah Nasruddin said, “Well, since you already know what I am going to say, I won’t waste any more of your time” and he left.
Now the people were really perplexed. They decided to try one more time and once again invited the Mullah to speak the following week.
Once again he asked the same question – “Do you know what I am going to say?” Now the people were prepared and so half of them answered “YES” while the other half replied “NO”.
So Mullah Nasruddin said
“The half who know what I am going to say, tell it to the other half” and he left!

 

Raccoon with carrot

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Q: What do you call an Raccoon with a carrot in each ear?
A: Anything you want as he can’t hear you!

Rude-olph

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Q : Which of Santa’s reindeer has bad manners?
A : “Rude”-olph!

Tooth-brush

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Q: What does a dinosaur call a porcupine?
A: A toothbrush.

End of the rainbow

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Q :Where do frogs keep their treasure?
A :In a croak of gold at the end of the rainbow!

Smoking Cigarette

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Q. How do you know when your cat’s done cleaning herself?
A. She’s smoking a cigarette.

Underp-ass

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Q: Did you hear about the hobo who thought he was a donkey?
A: His friends called him underp-ass.

Dinosaur with high heals

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Q: What do you call a dinosaur with high heels?
A: My-feet-are-saurus

Too wet to wooo

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Q: What do owls sing when it is raining?
A: ‘Too wet to woo’!

Barney in an elevator

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Q: What’s green and purple and goes up and down?
A: Barney in an elevator.

Cross a parrot

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Q: What do you get when you cross a parrot with a shark?
A: an animal that talks your head off.

Llama fall out of tree

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Q: Why did the llama fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead

Hare cut of rabbit

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Q: What do you call an operation on a rabbit?
A: A hare-cut.

Pickup your truck

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A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of badgers. He pulls the guy over and says… “You can’t drive around with badgers in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately.” The guy says “OK”… and drives away. The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of badgers, and they’re all wearing sun glasses. He pulls the guy over and demands… “I thought I told you to take these badgers to the zoo yesterday?” The guy replies… “I did . . . today I’m taking them to the beach!”

Camel Teaches Llama

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Q: What did the camel say to the llama?
A: Let me teach you how to spit.

Its not raining

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Q: When can three giant dinosaurs get under an umbrella and not get wet?
A: When it’s not raining!

Bronco-saurus

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Q: What kind of dinosaur can you ride in a rodeo?
A: A Bronco-saurus !

Catching all the chicken

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Q: What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?
A: He was catching all the chickens!

Stable diet

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Q: Why are most horses in shape?
A: Because they are on a stable diet.

Otter is much better than pizza

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Q: What’s the difference between a pizza and an otter?
A: A pizza doesn’t scream when you put it in the oven.

Old neigh-vy

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Q: Where do horses shop?
A: Old Neigh-vy!

Cat that gets anything

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Q: What do you call a cat that gets anything it wants?
A: Purrr-suasive.

Bull Dozin

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Q: What was the bull doing in the pasture with his eyes closed?
A: Bull-dozin’

smell icopter

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Q:What do you call a flying skunk?
A: A smell-icopter.

Baby owl swimming

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Q: What do you call a baby owl swimming?
A: A moist-owlette

Cross a cow and a duck

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Q: What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
A: Milk and Quackers!

Shellebration

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Q: What happens when you bring a turtle to a party?
A: It becomes a shellebration.

Lazy hippopotamus

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Q: What do you call a lazy hippo?
A: A hippopota-mess!

Sardar went to a mirror shop

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Once a Sardarji goes to a mirror shop to buy a mirror.He wanders all over the shop before the shopkeeper comes and asks him,”May I help you?”.

Sardar: “I want a very strong mirror”.
Shop keeper: “Try this one sir!Its just Rs.1000/-”

Sardar @ mirror shop

Sardar: “Is it really that strong?”
Shop keeper: “Yes sir. If u want to know, you can throw this mirror from 100 storeyed building. This mirror does not breaks upto 99 floors sir!!”

Sardar: “Wah! bahuth badiya hai!!”
He pays the shop keeper and leaves with that mirror!!

Act like Chestnut

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Q: How do you catch a squirrel with a Katy Perry fixation?
A: Climb a tree and act like a chestnut.

U can touch this

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Q: What do you call a shark that can’t stop singing “U Cant Touch This?”
A: An M.C. Hammerhead.

lazy platypus

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Q: Why did the platypus catch the bus?
A: Because he didn’t want to walk.

Get into Donners house

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Q : How do you get into Donner’s house?
A : You ring the “deer”-bell!

Koalifications

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Q: Why isn’t the the koala a real bear?
A: He doesn’t have the right koalifications.

cristiano platy

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Q: What did the platypus eat at the football match?
A: A platy pie.

Four Skin Divers

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Q: How do you circumsize a whale?
A: You send down four-skin divers.

Aligator & fast food

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Q: Why don’t alligators like fast food?
A: Because they can’t catch it!

Hoppercraft

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Q :What do you get if you cross a frog with a ferry?
A :A hoppercraft!

Boy you horny!!

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Q: What did the doe say to the 24 point buck?
A: Boy your Horny!

Goat married with Angelina Jolie

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Q :What do you call a goat that was married to Angelina Jolie?
A :Billy Bob Thorton.

Crocodile in vest

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Q: What do you call an crocodile in a vest?
A: An investigator.

Name six wild animals

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Q :Teacher: “Name six wild animals”
A :Students:”Four elephants and two lions!”

Climb a tree

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Q: How do you catch a squirrel interested in ornithology?
A: Climb a tree and act like a nuthatch (Sitta carolinensis).

Eggplants

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Q: What do chickens grow on?
A: Eggplants!

Dinosaur trick are so rare

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Q: What do you need to know to teach a dinosaur tricks?
A: More than the dinosaur !

Pony sleigh

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Q : What does Rudolph want for Christmas?
A : A pony sleigh station!

School kion aatay ho ?

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Teacher: Tum school kyun aate ho?
Student: Vidya ke liye sir!

Student coming school for vidya

Teacher: Phir tum class mein soo kyun rahe ho?
Student: Aaj Vidya nahi aayi hai isliye sir!!!

Rabbit say to carrot

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Q: What did the rabbit say to the carrot?
A: It’s been nice gnawing at you.

Llama – ables

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Q: What did the llama have for dinner?
A: Llama-ables

night of drinking

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A man and his pet Lemur walk into a bar. It’s about 5pm, but they’re ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: “Last call.” So, the man says, “One more for me… and one more for my Lemur.” The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the Lemur falls over dead. The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. The bartender, yells: “Hey buddy, you can’t just leave that lyin’ there.” To which the man replies: “That’s not a lion, that’s a Lemur.”

Blonde Pet zebra

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Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot!

I love you flower

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If I was a dog
and you was a flower,
I’d lift up my legs,
and give you a shower.

Dinasour’s car stops

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Q: What made the dinosaur’s car stop ?
A: A flat Tire-annosaurus !

Hello Kitty

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Q: What’s the first thing you say to a cat?
A: HELLO KITTY!

Cross a parrot with elephant

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Q :What to you get if you cross a parrot with an elephant?
A :An animal that tells you everything that it remembers!

Orson welles

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Q: What was the sharks favorite Orson Welles movie
A: Citizen Kane-i-kokala

Sore throat

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Q: What’s worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
A: A Diplodocus with a sore throat!

what do you mean

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Q: What do you get when you cross a bear and a skunk?
A: I don’t know, but it can easily get a seat on the bus!

school for smell

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Q: Why did Sally bring her skunk to school?
A: For show-and-smell!

Ar-moooo-ries

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Q: Where do cows get their weapons?
A: Ar-moooo-ries.

They were Chicken

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Q: Why didn’t the chicken cross the road?
A: Because they were chicken