LitFun by Hilarious jokes, funny emails & pictures to your mailbox

sir?

(4 votes, average: 3.25 out of 5)

Q. What do you call a dinosaur as tall as a house, with long sharp teeth, and 12 claws on each foot?
A. Sir.

Farmers had cold hand

(4 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)

Q: Do you know why the cow jumped over the moon?
A: The farmer had cold hands.

A man and his pet porcupine walk into a bar. It’s about 5pm, but they’re ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: “Last call.” So, the man says, “One more for me… and one more for my porcupine.” The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the porcupine falls over dead. The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. The bartender, yells: “Hey buddy, you can’t just leave that lyin’ there.” To which the man replies: “That’s not a lion, that’s a porcupine.”

Otter with carrot

(9 votes, average: 3.67 out of 5)

Q: What do you call an otter with a carrot in each ear?
A: Anything you want as he can’t hear you!

The Bear Hug

(4 votes, average: 4.25 out of 5)

Q :Which technique does a Gorilla borrow from another animal when it gets romantic?
A :The bear hug!

Cougar and a snow man

(5 votes, average: 3.80 out of 5)

Q: What do you get when you cross a cougar and a snowman?
A: Frost-bite!

Precious book out of cow

(4 votes, average: 3.25 out of 5)

The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn’t believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the cow’s mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!” “Not really,” said the cow. “Your name is written inside the cover.”

Rubs its legs

(4 votes, average: 3.75 out of 5)

Q:What is green, sooty and whistles when it rubs its back legs together?
A: Chimney Cricket!

Get a moove on

(4 votes, average: 3.25 out of 5)

Q: What did the cow say to the turtle?
A: Get a moove on

Horse and a Chicken

(6 votes, average: 3.17 out of 5)

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can’t be found. So he drives the farmer’s BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking! A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, “I think I can stand over the hole!” So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, “Grab for my penis and pull yourself up.” And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
Moral of the Story: If you’re hung like a horse, you don’t need a BMW to pick up chicks.

Horrible dream of my life

(6 votes, average: 2.67 out of 5)

Q: What do you call a dream in which polar bears are attacking you?
A: A bitemare!

Reindeer glasses

(4 votes, average: 3.50 out of 5)

Q : Why did the reindeer wear sunglasses to the Christmas party?
A: Because he didn’t want to be recognised!

Gorilla charge by Credit card

(4 votes, average: 4.25 out of 5)

Q: How do you stop a gorilla from charging?
A: Take away his credit card!

Medical college ki bi dik jaengi

(4 votes, average: 3.50 out of 5)

Santa : je me is nariyal de ped te chad jawan taan, engineering college di kudiyan dikh jangi?

Banta: haan je gir gya taan medical college di v nal hi dikh jangi.

Bankrupt Cowboy

(4 votes, average: 4.25 out of 5)

Q: Why can’t the bankrupt cowboy complain?
A: He’s got no beef.

Teri shaadi kisi gadhe se kar dunga

(15 votes, average: 4.20 out of 5)

Pehla gadha: Yaar mein jis dhobi ke ghar kaam karta hoo, vo mujhe bahut marta hai.
Doosra gadha: Tu ghar chor kar bhaag kyo nahi jata.

Donkey / gadha

Pehla gadha: Kya batau yaar dhobi ki ek bahut koobsurat ladki hai, vo jab bhi shararat karti hai to dhobi kehta hai ki, teri shaadi kisi gadhe se kar dunga.
Bas yeh soch kar ruka hua hoo.

Lean beef

(4 votes, average: 3.75 out of 5)

Q: What do you call a cow with no front legs?
A: Lean Beef

I have sipt in this beer, do not drink

(10 votes, average: 3.90 out of 5)

A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the toilet.

Drink-at-bar

He doesn’t want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, “I have sipt in this beer, do not drink!”.

After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, “So did I!”

To prove his Possum

(5 votes, average: 4.20 out of 5)

Q: Why did the Koala cross the road?
A: To prove to the possum that it could be done!

Sharks like to drink

(5 votes, average: 3.80 out of 5)

Q: What do yuppie sharks like to drink
A: Jaw-va

Moo-moos

(4 votes, average: 3.50 out of 5)

Q: What do cows wear in Hawaii?
A: Moo- moos

cenima lover

(4 votes, average: 3.50 out of 5)

A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a skunk sitting next to him.
“Are you a skunk?” asked the man,
surprised. “Yes.”
“What are you doing at the movies?” The skunk replied,
“Well, I liked the book.”