Tweeting on test

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Q: Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?
A: Because he was caught tweeting on a test.

Police comb the area

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Q: What happened when 100 hares got loose on Main Street?
A: The police had to comb the area.

Cow laughs to hard

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Q: What happens when a cow laughs too hard?
A: It Cowlapses!

I know its early

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I know its too early…
but l have hundreds of boys and pretty girls to wish…
So I decided to finish off Uncles & Aunties first!

Brown and white eat hamster

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Q :What is white and brown and eats hamster food?
A: My hamster!

Wear Sunglasses

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Q : Why did the reindeer wear sunglasses to the Christmas party?
A : Because he didn’t want to be recognised!

Alchoholic badger

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A man and his pet badger walk into a bar. It’s about 5pm, but they’re ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: “Last call.” So, the man says, “One more for me… and one more for my badger.” The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the badger falls over dead. The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. The bartender, yells: “Hey buddy, you can’t just leave that lyin’ there.” To which the man replies: “That’s not a lion, that’s a badger.”

Fortune Cookie

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Q: What do you call a food stamp inside of a burrito?
A: An otter fortune cookie

Grizzly mood

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Q: When is a polar bear not a polar bear?
A: When it’s in a “grizzly” mood.

Ahmed with a big smile

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There was a young man named Ahmed who bought a donkey from old farmer Farouk for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. When Farouk drove up the next day he says, ‘I am sorry but I have some bad news – the donkey is on my truck but he be dead.’

Ahmed replies, ‘Well then, just give me my money back.’
‘Can’t do that,’ burrs the farmer, ‘I went out and spent it already.’

Ahmed sighs, ‘OK just unload the donkey anyway.’
Farouk then asks, ‘What are you gonna do with a dead donkey an’ that?’ I’ll raffle him off,’ laughs Ahmed.

The farmer exclaimed, ‘Aargh, you can’t raffle off a dead donkey.’

But Ahmed with a big smile on his face tells Farouk, ‘Sure I can. Watch.
Just don’t tell anyone the donkey is dead.’

A month later the farmer Farouk met up with Ahmed and asks,
‘Whatever happened to that dead donkey?’Funny Donkey Story

Ahmed answers, ‘I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at $2.00 each and made a huge profit.’

Totally amazed the farmer Farouk enquires, ‘Didn’t anyone complain that you had stolen their money because you lied about the donkey being dead?’

‘The only one who found out about the donkey being dead was the raffle winner,’ chuckled Ahmed, ‘so when he came to claim his prize I gave him his $2.00 back plus $200.00 extra, which is double the going value of a dead donkey, so he thought I was a great fellow.’

Baby Giraffes

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Q: What do giraffes have that no one else has?
A: Baby giraffes!

Dog and pony show

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Q: Did you hear about the dog who couldn’t stop talking like a horse?
A: It was a dog and pony show.

Elephant with carrot

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Q :What do you call an elephant with a carrot in each ear?
A :Anything you want as he can’t hear you!

Coraka cola

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Q: What do toads drink?
A: Croaka-cola!

How many arms Alligators have

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Q: How many arms has a alligator got?
A: Depends how far he has got with eating his dinner!

Box of quackers

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Q: What do you call a crate of ducks?
A: A box of quackers

Sharks boogers

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Q: Whats green and gross and lives under the sea?
A: Shark boogers!

Ground beef

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Q: What do you call a cow with no legs at all?
A: Ground beef

Lawn moo-er

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Q: What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A: a lawn moo-er.

Pony spayed

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There was this young filly whose owners decided to have her “fixed.” The stallion next door was heartbroken, as he’d always wanted to mate with her. He pined for her constantly. Moral of the Story? “A pony spayed is a pony yearned.”

Ferret crossing road

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Q: Why did the ferret cross the road?
A: To prove to the possum that it could be done!

Anywhere he wants too

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Q: Where does a tiger sleep?
A: Anywhere he wants to!

Banarama..

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Q: What’s a gorilla’s favourite pop group?
A: Bananarama!

Blonde cheats Lawyer

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clever layer

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, saying that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains how the game works: “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me, and visa-versa.” Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The chauvinistic lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will easily win the match, so he makes another offer:

“Okay, how about this “If you don’t know the answer you pay me only $5, but if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $50.” This catches the blonde’s attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to play the game. The lawyer asks the first question. “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?” The blonde doesn’t say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it’s the blonde’s turn. She asks the lawyer, “What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?”

The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail. After over an hour, of searching for the answer he finally gives up. He wakes the blonde and hands her $50.

The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little frustrated, wakes the blonde and asks, “Well, so what IS the answer?” Again without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

Cow get to the moon

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Q: How does a cow get to the mooooon?
A: It flies through udder space!

Sun burned Zebra

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Q: Whats black and white and red all over?
A: A sun-burned zebra!

Sitting your school desk

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Q: What should you do if you find a gorilla sitting at your school desk?
A: Sit somewhere else!

Teddy bear with pig

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Q: What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
A: A teddy boar!

Roaster doo something

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Q: Why did the rooster cross the road?
A: To cockadoodle dooo something!

Coop- cakes

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Q: What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
A: Coop-cakes!

porcupine crossing road

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Q: Why did the Porcupine cross the road? A: To prove to the possum that it could be done!

An Expert Dele Gator

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Q: Did you hear about the crocodile who became a congressman?
A: He was an expert dele-gator.

Laughing carrots

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Q: What do you call an Lemur with a carrot in each ear?
A: Anything you want as he can’t hear you!

Chicken cross the playground

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A: To get to the other slide.

The Terror-dacty

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Q: What was the scariest prehistoric animal?
A: The Terror-dactyl !