Man walks into a Bar

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A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?” The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a hamster. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The hamster stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.
After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, “If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?” The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the hamster’s music.
While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog. “Sorry,” the man replies, “He’s not for sale.” The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front. “No,” he insists, “He’s not for sale.” The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.
“Are you insane?” the bartender demanded. “That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!” “Don’t worry about it.” the man answered. “The frog was really nothing special. You see, the hamster’s a ventriloquist.”

Tiger become Herbivore

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Q: Why can’t a tiger become a herbivore?
A: A tiger can’t change his stripes.

Hump and Dump Scheme

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Q: Did you hear about the camel who was accused of stock fraud?
A: He took part in a hump and dump scheme.

Cryalotosaurus

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Q: What dinosaur is always sad?
A: Cryalotosaurus

hippocrite

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Q: What do you call a mean hippo?
A: A hippocrite

Ape Suzettes

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Q:What do they feed a gorilla when he goes to Paris?
A:Ape Suzettes!

From scratch

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Q: How do chickens bake a cake?
A: From scratch!

Knock Knock !!

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Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Goat! Goat who?
Goat to believe in magic.

Call 114

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Q: What do you call 144 camels in a box?
A: Gross!

Crocodile coming to dinner

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Q: What’s worse than one crocodile coming to dinner?
A: Two crocodiles coming to dinner

Women need in her life

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Q: What 4 animals does a woman need in her life?
A: A mink on her back, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in her bed and a jackass to pay for it all.

Box isn’t empty

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Q: How many dinosaurs can fit in an empty box ?
A: One . After that, the box isn’t empty anymore!

Penguins in Desert

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Q: What do you call a penguin in the desert?
A: Lost!

Front Seat

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A policeman in the big city stops a man in a car with a zebra in the front seat. “What are you doing with that zebra?” He exclaimed, “You should take it to the zoo.” The following week, the same policeman sees the same man with the zebra again in the front seat, with both of them wearing sunglasses. The policeman pulls him over. “I thought you were going to take that zebra to the zoo!” The man replied, “I did. We had such a good time we are going to the beach this weekend!”

Slow Poke

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Q: What do you call a turtle with a hard on?
A: A slow poke.

Chicken wanted a day off

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Q :Why did the elphant cross the road?
A :Because the chicken wanted a day off.

Tiger sing at Christmas

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Q: What do tigers sing at Christmas?
A: Jungle bells!jungle bells!

Alligators like to drink

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Q: What do yuppie alligators like to drink
A: Jaw-va

Teacher

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Once a teacher was teaching the children about stripes animal. Teacher:Aisha stand up and tell me any two names of striped animals. Aisha:Zebra. Teacher:Very good now tell the other name! Aisha:Another zebra.

Rabbit hood

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Q: What’s the name of the rabbit who stole from the rich and gave to the
A: Rabbit Hood.

Sir loin

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Q: What do you call a cow with full armor?
A: Sir loin

Wonkey Donkey

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Q: What do you call a donkey with one leg ?
A: A wonkey donkey

Smart Hippopotamus

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A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a Hippo sitting next to him. “Are you a Hippo?” asked the man, surprised. “Yes.” “What are you doing at the movies?” The Hippopotamus replied, “Well, I liked the book.”

foolish

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Q: Why is it better to be a grasshopper than a cricket?
A: Because grasshoppers can play cricket but crickets can’t play grasshopper!

hippothermia

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Q: What happens when hippos get too cold?
A: They get hippothermia.

Can’t afford ones

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Q: Why are there old dinosaur bones in the museum?
A: Because they can’t afford new ones!

Goat dressed clown

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Q :What do you call a goat dressed like a clown?
A :A silly billy.

Talking lemur…

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Q: What’s more amazing than a talking Lemur?
A: A spelling bee!

Cougar eat peoples

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Q: On which day do cougar eat people ?
A: Chewsday !

Frog at Halloween

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Q : What did the frog dress up for on Halloween?
A : A prince.

horn-aments

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Q :What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
A : “Horn”-aments!

Alligator bits the Seargent Penis

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At an army training camp in Florida, the Seargent is giving a talk: “The main quality we look for in this army is commitment and this is what I call commitment.” An alligator came in the room and bit the seargents penis. It stayed there for about a 10 seconds then the seargent poked it in the eyes and kicked it off. “Now who’s ready to show their commitment?” said the Seargent. A man put his hand up and said “I will, but promise you won’t poke me in the eyes.”

Why Harbhajan Slapped Sreesanth ?

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Our Harbhanjan Singh was enjoying Match.

Yuvraj Singh came and asked him, “Are you relaxing?”

Bhajji answered, “No I am Harbhajan Singh”

VRV Singh Came and asked the same Question.

He answered, “No! No!, Me Harbhajan Singh”

Third one came and asked the same question, Bhajji was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place.

cricket-game

While walking he saw Sreesanth enjoying the Match. He went and asked him “Are you Relaxing?”

The Sreesanth answered “Yes I am relaxing.”

Bhajji slapped him on his face and said “Are sab tere Ko wahan dhoond rahe hai aur tu Yahaan Aaram Kar raha hai.”