Q: What do you call a tiger that likes to dig in the sand?
A: Sandy claws!
Q: What did the grape say when the badger stood on it?
A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
Q: What happens when you get into fight with a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle?
A: You get shell shocked.
Q: How can if you have a stupid dog?
A: It chases parked cars!
Q: Where does a dinosaur lay in the sun?
A: At the dino-shore
Q: What do you call an owl with a deep voice?
A: A growl!
An old penny pincher had no friends. Just before he died he asked his doctor, lawyer, and pastor to gather around him at bedside.
“I have always heard that you can’t take it with you. But I want to disprove that theory,” he said. “I have $90,000 under my mattress, and when I die, just before they throw the dirt on me at my burial, I want you each to toss in an envelope with $30,000 within.”
The three attended the funeral and each threw his envelope in the grave. On the way back from the cemetery, the pastor said, “I must confess. I needed $10,000 for my new church, so I only threw in $20,000.”
The doctor then said, “I must confess too. I needed $20,000 for a new hospital I was opening up, so I only threw in $10,000.”
The lawyer looked at them both and shook his head. He then said, “Gentlemen, I’m surprised, shocked, and ashamed of you. I don’t see how you could dare to go against that man’s final wish. I mean, I threw in my personal check for the full amount”
Q: Did you hear about the crocodile who became a congressman?
A: He was an expert dele-gator.
Q: What do you get when you cross a platypus and a long division problem? A: A Mathypus.
Q: Why did the rooster run away?
A: He was chicken!
Q: What do you call a donkey that was born with a brain injury?
A: A dumb ass!!!
Q: Why did the chick disappoint his mother?
A: He wasn’t what he was cracked up to be!
Q: How do you have sex with a camel?
A: One hump at a time.
Q: What was Yogi bear looking for in the picnic basket?
A: Just the “Bear” necessities.
There was a guy in a bar one night that got really drunk. I mean really, really, really drunk. When the bar closed he got up to go home.
As he stumbled out the door, he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk. So he stumbled over to the nun and punched her in the face.
Well the nun was really surprised but before she could do or say anything he punched her again.
This time she fell down and he stumbled over to her and kicked her , then he picked her up and threw her into a wall.
By this time the nun was pretty weak and couldn’t move very much, so then he stumbled over to her, put his face right next to hers and said, “Not so strong tonight, are you Batman?”
Q: What did the judge say when a skunk entered the courtroom? A: Odor in the court!
There was a young man named Ahmed who bought a donkey from old farmer Farouk for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. When Farouk drove up the next day he says, ‘I am sorry but I have some bad news – the donkey is on my truck but he be dead.’
Ahmed replies, ‘Well then, just give me my money back.’
‘Can’t do that,’ burrs the farmer, ‘I went out and spent it already.’
Ahmed sighs, ‘OK just unload the donkey anyway.’
Farouk then asks, ‘What are you gonna do with a dead donkey an’ that?’ I’ll raffle him off,’ laughs Ahmed.
The farmer exclaimed, ‘Aargh, you can’t raffle off a dead donkey.’
But Ahmed with a big smile on his face tells Farouk, ‘Sure I can. Watch.
Just don’t tell anyone the donkey is dead.’
A month later the farmer Farouk met up with Ahmed and asks,
‘Whatever happened to that dead donkey?’Funny Donkey Story
Ahmed answers, ‘I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at $2.00 each and made a huge profit.’
Totally amazed the farmer Farouk enquires, ‘Didn’t anyone complain that you had stolen their money because you lied about the donkey being dead?’
‘The only one who found out about the donkey being dead was the raffle winner,’ chuckled Ahmed, ‘so when he came to claim his prize I gave him his $2.00 back plus $200.00 extra, which is double the going value of a dead donkey, so he thought I was a great fellow.’
Q: What do you get if you cross a dog with a frog?
A: A dog that can lick you from the other side of the road!
Q: Do you know how long dinosaurs should be fed?
A: Exactly the same as short dinosaurs!
Jeeto: asi kithe ja rahe h?
santa:lambi drive te.
Jeeto: pehla dasna si, me bachiya nu v le ana si!
Santa: mainu v kehda kithe pta si, gaddi de break hune fail hoye h.
Q: What is black and white and eats like a horse?
A: A zebra.
I suppose when you’ve seen one lion catch a zebra, you’ve seen a maul.
Q: What do you do if you find a blue Ichthyosaur ?
A: Cheer him up
Q: What happens when a dog chases a cat into a geysur?
A: It starts raining cats and dogs.
Q. Why did the ape run around with a piece of raw meat on his head?
A. He thought he was a gorilla. (griller)
Q: What happens when a mole bites a dog?
A: He becomes Moleicious!
A person who sacrificed his sleep,
forgot his family,
forgot his food,
forgot laughter were called “SAINTS”
But now they are called….
“IT professionals/ Logistics Professionals”
Q :What do you call the best ‘butter’ on the farm?
A :A goat!
Q: Who did Bambi invite to his birthday party?
A: His nearest and deer-est friends.
Q: How can you tell which cow is the best dancer?
A: Wait til one busts a moooooove
Math Teacher :
If a=b and b=c then a=c,
now give me the practical example of this principle from real life.
I love you sir
and you love your daughter
which means I love your daughter.
This guy inherits a parrot when his friend dies. But the parrot wont stop swearing at him, calling him a dumb f*ck, a c*nt, and a bunch of other names. The guy tries everything to get this bird to stop swearing. Nothing works. He finally gets fed up and sticks him in the freezer. Even from in there, he hears him cussing him out. Then the parrot falls silent. The guy thinks Ohh shit I killed him. He opens the freezer. The parrot hops out saying, ” Very sorry for how I spoke to you, sir. I just have one question… What did the chicken do?”
man and his pet grasshopper walk into a bar. It’s about 5pm, but they’re ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: “Last call.” So, the man says, “One more for me… and one more for my grasshopper.” The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the grasshopper falls over dead. The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. The bartender, yells: “Hey buddy, you can’t just leave that lyin’ there.” To which the man replies: “That’s not a lion, that’s a grasshopper.”
Q : What happens if you cross a parrot with a Gorilla?
A : Nobody is sure, but if it opened its mouth to speak, you’d listen!
Q: Why doesn’t anybody like the stand-up comedy of Margaret Shark? A: She bites!
A zebra went to heaven. When he saw St. Peter he asked him “You know, I have always wondered, am I a white horse with black stripes or a black horse with white stripes?” St. Peter said he would have to ask God that question since he’s the one that made him.
So the zebra asked God, “God, am I a white horse with black stripes or a black horse with white stripes?”
God answered, “You are what you are.”
The zebra left and came upon St. Peter and told him,
“Well I asked God if I was a white horse with black stripes or a black horse with white stripes…”
“What was the answer,” St. Peter asked.
“Well I still don’t know. All He said was: ‘You are what you are.”‘
“Well that answers it,” Said St. Peter. “You’re a white horse with black stripes.”
“How do you know that?” asked the zebra.
“Well if you were a black horse with white stripes He would have said: “You is what you is”.
Q: How are tigers are like sergeants in the army?
A: They both wear stripes!
Q: What is the head of an Italian dinosaur family called?
A: Ptera Don
Q: What’s a gorilla’s favourite pop group?
Q: Why did the shark throw his clock out the window?
A: He wanted to see time fly!
Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A: I have no I-Deer
Q: How do you put a polar bear into a refrigerator?
A: It’s easy – just open the door. Polar bears like cold places.
Q :What do you call 144 frogs in a box?
Q: Whats black and white and red all over?
A: A sun-burned zebra!
Q :Which reindeer has the cleanest antlers?
A : Comet!
Q:How did Gertie Gorilla make the ‘Playboy’ Calendar?
A:She was ‘Miss Ape-ril!’
Q: How did the shark avoid serving in the army?
A: He was a conscientious ob-shark-ter
Q: Where do sheep go on vacation?
A: To the baaaaaahamas.
Q: Why did Tigger look in the toilet?
A: He was looking for Pooh
Q: What do you get when you cross a turtle and a flu shot?
A: a slow-poke.
Q :What do you call a goat playing the piano?
A :Billy Joel.
Q: How can you catch a gay squirrel?
A: Climb a tree and pretend to be an almond (botanically speaking, almonds are fruits).
Q: How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?
A: With its sparrowchute.
Q: Where do sheeps take a bath?
A: In a baaaa-th tub!
Q: What do Penguins sing on a birthday?
A: Freeze a jolly good fellow.
Q: What’s black, white, black, white, black, white, black, white?
A: A penguin rolling down a hill
Q :What did the bus driver say to the frog?
A :Hop on!
1.”We will do it” means “You will do it”
2.”You have done a great job” means “More work to be given to you”
3.”We are working on it” means “We have not yet started working on the
4.”Tomorrow first thing in the morning” means “Its not getting done
“At least not tomorrow!”
5.”After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views” means “I have already decided, I will tell you what to do”
6.”There was a slight miscommunication” means “We had actually lied”
7.”Lets call a meeting and discuss” means “I have no time now, will talk later”
8.”We can always do it” means “We actually cannot do the same on time”
9.”We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline” means “The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time.”
10.”We had slight differences of opinion “means “We had actually fought”
11.”Make a list of the work that you do and let’s see how I can help you” means “Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me”
12.”You should have told me earlier” means “Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!”
13.”We need to find out the real reason” means “Well I will tell you where your fault is”
14.”Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected,” means, “Well you know…”
15.”We are a team,” means, “I am not the only one to be blamed”
16.”That’s actually a good question” means “I do not know anything about it”
17.”All the Best” means “You are in trouble”
Q :Teacher: “Name six wild animals”
A :Students:”Four elephants and two lions!”
Q: What does a giant Tyrannosaurus eat?
A: Anything she wants!
Q: Why did the cat join the Red Cross?
A: Because she wanted to be a first-aid kit!
Q: Why can’t the bankrupt cowboy complain?
A: He’s got no beef.
Q: What do you call a dinosaur who is elected to Congress?
A: Rep. Tile!
Q: Where do Russians get their milk?
A: From Mos-cows
Q: What do you call an owl magician?
Q: What did the llama have for dinner?
Q: How do you stop a bull from charging?
A: Take away his credit card!
Q: Who gives sharks presents on Christmas?
A: Santa Jaws!
Wife waiting for husband with three domestic weapons 😛
Q : How do you get into Donner’s house?
A : You ring the “deer”-bell!
Q: Why are sheep baaaaaad drivers?
A: They always make illegal ewe turns.
Q: Have you ever hunted bear?
A: No, but I’ve been shooting in my shorts!
Q: What’s the diffrenece between llamas and alpacas?
A: Alpacas have more dark meat!
A koala is sitting up a Eucalypt tree … smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past and looks up and says, “Hey Koala ! What are you doing?” The koala says: “Smoking a joint, come up and have some.” So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a few joints. After a while the little lizard says his mouth is ‘dry’ and is going to get a drink from the river. But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river. A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the little lizard: “What’s the matter with you?” The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the Eucalypt tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink. The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the rain forest, finds the Eucalypts tree where the koala is sitting finishing a joint, and he looks up and says “Hey you!” So the koala looks down at him and says: “WTFFFF dude … how much water did you drink?
In an elephant’s school, some loafer elephants were hanging around in the canteen. A sexy female elephant passes by the canteen.
Then one of the elephants says: “Look yaar, 3600 – 2400 – 3600!!”
Q: What is a toads favorite place to eat?
Q: What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A: A cloud.
Q: What did the polar bears say when they saw tourists in sleeping bags?
A beggar meets another beggar. A software engineer meets another software engineer.
Both of them ask the same question to each other.
What is the question ???
So, Which Platform are you Working on ???
Q: What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a leaf blower?
A: A hare dryer!
Q: What do you call a penguin in the desert?
Q: Were do penguins get money from?
A: A fishbank.
Q: Why did the cougar cross the road?
A: To prove to the possum that it could be done!
Q: How do sheep greet each other at Christmas?
A: Merry Christmas to Ewe!
Q: Where do toads leave their hats and coats?
A: In the croakroom!
Q: What do you call the loose skin around the vagina?
A: An otter
Q: Why did the Porcupine cross the road? A: To prove to the possum that it could be done!
1 Pathan Eid ki Namaz parh raha tha
To dosra usky bare mai kesi ko bata raha tha ke yai boht Namazi owr naik banda hai.
Pathan Namaz thor kar bola:
Es ko bolo ke “hum ne Haj bhi kia hai”
Q: Why did McDonald’s run out of chicken McNuggets?
A: The farmer counted his chickens before they hatched.
Q: What do you call a dinosaur that eats fireworks?
A: A dino-mite
Bush: Tujhe swimming aati hai?
Bush:Tere se kutta acha hai jo swim kar leta hai.
Laaloo: Tujhe aati hai?
Laaloo: Fir tere mein aur kutte mein kya farak hai…
General McKenzie was in charge of the Navy and he was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. McKenzie arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and McKenzie asks: “So how are your men?”
“Very well trained, Gral. McKenzie.“
“I hope so. You see, my men over at the Navy are so well trained, you could see they’re the bravest men all over the country.” “Well, my men are very brave, too.”
“I’d like to see that.”
So Marshall calls private Cooper and says: “Private Johnson! I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body!”
“Are you crazy? It’d kill me, you idiot! I’m out of here!” As private Johnson ran away, Marshall turned to a bewildered McKenzie and said:
“You see? You have to be pretty brave to talk like that to a general.”
Q: What do you call a food stamp inside of a burrito?
A: An otter fortune cookie
Q: Why is turtle wax so expensive?
A: Because their ears are so small!
Q :What do you call a talking frog?
A :A quantum leap.
Q: What do you call 99 rabbits stepping backwards?
A: A receding hare line!
Q: What do you get if you cross a hungry cat with roast duck? A: A duck-filled-fatty-puss!
Q: What do you call a mismatched pair of socks in the wash?
Q: Where do penguins go swimming?
A: At the South Pool!
A guy brings a Lemur home , tells his wife it’s a pet. She asks , “Where are you going to keep it?” He repies , “In the bedroom.” “But what about that horrible nasty smell?’ , she asks. “I got used to you , I’m sure he will too!”
Q: What do British sharks like to eat?
A: Fish and kids!
There once were two little zebras who wanted to know if they were white with black stripes, or black with white stripes. One little zebra suggested to visit the “Zebra of the Wise” The two little zebras went to the Zebra of the wise and asked, “Are we black with white stripes, or white with black stripes?” The Zebra of the wise replied ” We are who we are.” The one little zebra said “OK” and ran away. Then the other little zebra followed him. The one little zebra said to the other… ” He didn’t answer us, so what are we?” The one little zebra said ” We are white with black stripes.” The other zebra said “how do you know that.” Then the little zebra said, ” Well if we were black with white stripes he would have said ” We is who we is.”
The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a ferret walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn’t believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the ferret’s mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!” “Not really,” said the ferret. “Your name is written inside the cover.”
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road half way?
A: He wanted to lay it on the line!
A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. While doing thisthe clerk spots two penguins sitting on the back seat of the car. He asks the driver, “What’s up with the penguins in the back seat?” The man in the car says, “I found them. I asked myself what to do with them but, I haven’t a clue.” The clerk ponders a bit then says, “You should take them to the zoo.” “Yeah, that’s a good idea,” says the man in the car and drives away. The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car. “Hey, they’re still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo!” “Oh, I did,” says the driver, “and we had a great time. Today I’m taking them to the beach.”
Q: Why did the T-Rex eat hamburgers?
A: Because he is a meat eater!
Q: How do you catch an Irish squirrel?
A: Climb a tree and act like a green pistachio nut.
Q :What do you call a hamster with a top hat?
A: Abrahamster Lincoln
Q :What kind of music do sophisticated frogs listen to?
Q: What’s a toads favorite flower?
A: A croakus!
Q: Where does a cougar sleep?
A: Anywhere he wants to!
Q:Who do elephants get their christmas presents from?
A: Elephanta Claus!
Q :Who lost a herd of elephants?
A :Big bo peep!
Q :What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?
A :A Cat has nine lives but a Frog croaks every night!
Q: What do you call a cow with a twitch?
A: Beef Jerky
Q: What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
A: Milk and Quackers!
Q :What do you get when you cross a frog with a rabbit?
A :A bunny ribbit.
Q: What did the Tyrannosaurus rex get after mopping the floor?
Q: What’s black and white and goes round and around?
A: A Penguin in a revolving door.
Q: When do vampires like horse racing?
A: When it’s neck and neck
Q: What kind of shark is always gambling?
A: A CARDSHARK
Q: Why did the rabbit like the adventure?
A: It was a “hare-raising tail”
Me: should I get into trouble for something I didn’t do?
Me: Good, because I didn’t do my homework.
Q: What do whales like to chew?
A: Blubber gum!
Q: Why did the dinosaurs go extinct?
A: Because they wouldn’t take a bath!
Q: What do you get if you cross a polar bear and a harp seal?
A: A bear faced lyre!
Q: Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?
A: He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
Q : What does Rudolph want for Christmas?
A : A pony sleigh station!
|One day, a father and his daughter are together. The father is putting the daughter to sleep. After the father leaves, he hears her saying her prayers. He hears her say, ” God bless mommy, daddy, and grandma, rest in peace grandpa. The father hears all of this and barges back into the room. He asks her, ” Why did you say the last part? ” The daughter replies, ” Because I needed to. ” The next day, grandpa dies. The father thinks, ” Is this just a coincidence? ”
That night he tucks her daughter into bed. He leaves the room to only hear her prayers again. He hears, ” Bless mommy and daddy, rest in peace grandma. ” The father now is thinking, ” Holy shit, my daughter can see into the future? ” The next day, grandma dies. A week later nothing happens, but the night before Sunday, he is tucking his daughter into bed once more. He leaves and listens for any more prayers. Sure enough, there is another prayer. He hears, ” Bless you mommy, rest in peace daddy. ” The father starts panicking and saying, ” Holy shit! I’m going to die tomorrow! ” The following start of the next day consisted the father being alert all the time, checking the clock, looking around the room, etc. He goes to work to do the same things, being alert, all of that. He looks at the clock again 3 hours later. It’s past midnight. The father says, ” How is this possible? I should be dead! ” He goes home and finds his wife on the couch with a scared look on her face. She asks, ” What took you so long!? ” The father says, ” Listen honey, today I haven’t had the best of days. ” Then as soon as he is about to tell what happened, she bursts out, ” I saw the mailman die yesterday! ”
Boy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help!
911: Alright, What is it?
Boy: Two girls are fighting over me!
911: So what’s your emergency?
Boy: The ugly one is winning.
Q: Why did the gorilla go to the doctor?
A: Because his banana wasn’t peeling very well!
Q: What did the naughty rabbit leave for Easter?
A: Deviled eggs!
A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the toilet.
He doesn’t want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, “I have sipt in this beer, do not drink!”.
After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, “So did I!”
Q: What do you get when you cross a toilet and a platypus?
A: A potty-pus
Q: Why shouldn’t you take polar bears to the zoo?
A: Because they’d rather go to the movies.
Q: Who gives alligators presents on Christmas?
A: Santa Jaws!
Q: Why don’t the gorillas in the jungle play poker any more?
A: There are just too many Cheetahs.
Q: What are the spots on black and white cows?
Q :Why did the Gorilla fail English?
A : He had little Ape-titude!
Q: What’s worse than one shark coming to dinner?
A: Two sharks coming to dinner
Q: Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?
A: So he could grade his eggs
Q: Where do sheep go when they die?
A: To the baa baa que.
Q: Why didn’t the platypus pay the taxi driver?
A: Because he only had a one-dollar-bill!
A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment. A friend asked, “Why weren’t you successful with the Arabs?”
The salesman explained, “When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn’t know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters…
First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand… totally exhausted and panting.
Second, the man is drinking our Cola and
Third, our man is now totally refreshed.
Then these posters were pasted all over the place”
“That should have worked,” said the friend.
The salesman replied, “Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn’t realize that Arabs read from right to left…”
Q: Why did the shark cross the road?
A: To get to the other tide!
Q: Why did the platypus cross the road?
A: To show the possum that it could be done.
Q: Who is the dogs favorite comedian?
A: Growlcho Marx!
Q: Where was the dinosaur when the sun went down ?
A: In the dark!
Q :Whats the difference between your mom and an African Elephant?
A :Ten pounds.
A boy was teaching a girl arithmetic, he said, it was his mission.
He kissed her once; he kissed her twice and said, “Now that’s addition.”
In silent satisfaction, she sweetly gave the kisses back and said, “Now that’s subtraction.”
Then he kissed her, she kissed him, without an explanation.
And both together smiled and said, “That’s multiplication.”
Then her Dad appeared upon the scene and made a quick decision.
He kicked that boy three blocks away and said, “That’s long division!”
The Wonderful Husband🐰…. Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. MAN: ‘Hello’ WOMAN: ‘Honey, 🐝it’s me… R u at the club?’ MAN: ‘Yes’😍 WOMAN: ‘I’m at the City Centre mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $1,000 Is it OK if I buy it?’ MAN: ‘Sure, go ahead if you really like it.’😘 WOMAN: ‘I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2013 Models. I saw one 🚗 I really liked.’ MAN: ‘How much?’ WOMAN: ‘$98,000’ MAN: ‘OK, but for that price make sure it comes with all the options.’ WOMAN: ‘Great! Oh, and one more thing, the house 🏡I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking for $980,000/-.’ MAN: ‘well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, go the extra 50 thousand if you think it’s really a pretty good price.’ WOMAN: ‘OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! You’re so generous!’ MAN: “You’re worth it. ‘Bye!’ The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, with mouths wide open 😧 The man turns and asks “Anybody knows whose phone📱 this is?” 😍👏👍😝😳😁
Q: What are polar bears called when they get caught in the rain?
A: Drizzly bears.
Q: What are a cows favorite subjects in school?
A: Moosic, psycowolgy, cowculus
Goat! Goat who?
Goat to believe in magic.
Q: How is a dog and a marine biologist alike?
A: One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.
Q :What has 3 tails, 4 trunks and 6 feet?
A :An elephant with spare parts!
Q: How many arms has a alligator got?
A: Depends how far he has got with eating his dinner!
Q: what is a cats favorite kitchen tool?
A: The “whisker”.
Q: How do moles finance their homes?
A: With a molergage!
Q :What is a frogs favorite place to eat?
A :At ihop!
Q :What do you call a Spanish goat with no back legs?
Q: How do you catch a squirrel interested in ornithology?
A: Climb a tree and act like a nuthatch (Sitta carolinensis).
Q: What was the sharks favorites song
A: Love Shark
Q: What do you call a cow that can cut the grass?
Q :What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
A : “Horn”-aments!
Q: What do you get when you cross a chicken and a four-leaf clover?
A: The Cluck o’the Irish!
Q: What’s worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
A: A Diplodocus with a sore throat!
Q :Why did the whale cross the road?
A :To get to the other tide!
Q: What does Calvin feed Hobbes?
A: Nothing he’s already stuffed.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To prove to the possum that it could be done!
A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night. When it came time to pay, the skunk didn’t have a scent, the deer didn’t have a buck, so they put the meal on the duck’s bill.
Q: What flies around your light at night and can bite your head off?
A: A tiger moth!
Q: What did the Polar Bear say when it saw a seal on a skateboard?
A: “Meals on Wheels!”
Q: What do you call an crocodile in a vest?
A: An investigator.
Q :What’s black, brown and white, black, brown and white, brown and white, etc.?
A: A Gorilla riding down a snowbank!
Q: What do you say to a hitchhiking toad?
A: Hop in!
Q: What do you get cross an optimetrist convention and a donkey auction?
A: Two eyegl-asses for the price of one.
Q: What do Scottish toads play?
Q: What type of tool does a prehistoric reptile carpenter use?
A: A dino-saw !
Q: What do you call a man with seagull on his head?
Q: What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Q :Why didn’t the frog park on the side of the road?
A :He was afraid of getting toad!
Q: What do you call a long haired hippo?
A: A hippy
Q: Who makes the best prehistoric reptile clothes ?
A: A dino-sewer !
Once a teacher was teaching the children about stripes animal. Teacher:Aisha stand up and tell me any two names of striped animals. Aisha:Zebra. Teacher:Very good now tell the other name! Aisha:Another zebra.
Q: What was the college student sharks favorite internet site?
Q :Whats the preferred car of frogs?
A :The Beetle.
Q: How do you apologize to a koala?
A: BEAR your heart and soul.
Q: What do you call a monkey in a minefield?
Q: Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?
A: Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
Q: What do you call a giraffe winning a horse race?
A: A longshot.
Q: Why did the bird get a ticket?
A: It broke the law of gravity!
A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a ferret sitting next to him. “Are you a ferret?” asked the man, surprised. “Yes.” “What are you doing at the movies?” The ferret replied, “Well, I liked the book.
Q: How does a winning jockey communicate with his horse?
A: He lays his cards on the stable.
Q :What do you call a goat that was married to Angelina Jolie?
A :Billy Bob Thorton.
Q: Did you hear the one about the owl?
A: It was a hoot.
A teacher asks her class, “If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?” She calls on little Mark.
He replies, “None , they will all fly away with the first gunshot.”
The teacher replies, “The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.”
Then little Mark says, “I have a question for YOU. ”
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?”
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, Continue reading
Q: What happened to the lost cattle?
A: Nobody’s herd.
Q: What is the defination of a non-typical Whitetail?
A: One that stays off the Highway!
Q: What do you call a parrot that doesn’t eat?
A: A polynomeal (polynomial)
Q: What was the most flexible dinosaur?
A: Tyrannosaurus Flex.
A cat told a frog “time flies when you are having fun”
The frog corrected her “Actually it’s time is fun when you’re having flies!”
Q: What figure describes a lost parrot?
A: A polygon!
Q: What did the grape say when the ferret stood on it?
A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
Q: Does the Easter Bunny like baseball?
A:Oh, yes. He’s a rabbit fan!
Q: What do you get when you cross a cat and an owl?
Q: Did you hear about the cat who wanted a dog to teach her how to bark?
A: Curiousity killed the cat.
Q : how can Santa’s sleigh possibly fly through the air?
A : You would too if you were pulled by flying reindeer!
Q :What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it?
A :Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
Q :What do you get when you cross a potato with an elephant?
A :Mashed potatoes!
Q: What do you call a donkey that keeps time?
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can’t be found. So he drives the farmer’s BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking! A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, “I think I can stand over the hole!” So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, “Grab for my penis and pull yourself up.” And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
Moral of the Story: If you’re hung like a horse, you don’t need a BMW to pick up chicks.
A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a bb gun in one hand and a ferret in the other. “Now Listen here,” the policeman said, “Whatever you do to that poor, defenseless creature I shall personally do to you” “In that case,” said the boy. “I’ll kiss it’s butt and let it go”
Q: What do you call a cat who just ate a duck?
A: a duck-filled platy puss.
Q: What’s the name of the rabbit who stole from the rich and gave to the
A: Rabbit Hood.
Q: What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
A: Winnie the PU!
Q: What’s worse than being bitten by a shark?
A: Being bitten by a vampire shark
Q: What do you get if you cross a Triceratops with a kangaroo ?
A: A Tricera-hops!
Q :What kind of pole is short and floppy?
A :A tadpole!
Q: What did the carrot say to the rabbit?
A: Do you want to grab a bite?
Q: What do you call an arab next to a cow?
A: Milk Sheikh!
Q: What do you get when you cross a parrot with a shark?
A: an animal that talks your head off.
Q: What is a cow’s favorite lunch meat?
Q: What do you get if you cross a giraffes with a police-man ?
A: Long-arm of the Law !
Q: How does a chicken mail a letter to her friend?
A: In a HEN-velope!
A bhaiyyaji applied for an engineering position at an office in Uttar Pradesh. Reddy from Chennai applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager.
Upon completion of the test, the results showed that both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to the bhaiyyaji and said, “Thank you for your interest, but we’ve decided to give the job to Reddy.”
Bhaiyyaji: “And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct. This being Uttar Pradesh I should get the job!”
Manager: “We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the one question that you got wrong.”
Bhaiyyaji: “And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?”
Manager: “Simple, for the question that both of you got wrong, Reddy put down ‘I don’t know’ as the answer. And you wrote ‘Neither do I’!”
Q. What do you call a dinosaur as tall as a house, with long sharp teeth, 12 claws on each foot and a personal stereo over his ears?
A. Anything you like, he won’t hear you!
Q: What makes more noise than a dinosaur ?
A: Two dinosaurs !
Santa : daso kehde office wich ladies kam nahi kar sakdi?
Santa: Q ?
Banta: firebrigade da kam aag bhujana hunda hai aag lgana nahi !
Q:What do you call a flying skunk?
A: A smell-icopter.
Q: Why isn’t the the koala a real bear?
A: He doesn’t have the right koalifications.
Q: What do you call a turtle with a hard on?
A: A slow poke.
Q :What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?
A :Its shadow!
Q: What is a Leatherback Sea Turtles favorite sandwich?
A: Peanut butter and jellyfish.
A shepherd was looking for a lost sheep, after a couple hours he found it stuck in some briar bushes and covered with mud. He rescued the sheep. After several slanderous remarks about the muddy dumb sheep, the sheep blurted out, “What are you griping about, I almost drowned in the pond?” Shocked at hearing the Sheep speak, the Shepherd asked the sheep why he was in the pond in the first place, “Don’t you know sheep can’t swim?”, We were not swimming, we were wallowing in mud and I stepped into, a deep hole?” “Who is we?” the Shepherd asked. “Me and the pig?” The sheep replied. “Why on earth would you wallow in mud?” asked the Shepherd. “Well the pig said it would make me cooler, I was getting hot.” The shepherd asked the sheep where the pig was. The sheep replied. “He went back to the barn.” So the Shepherd put the sheep on his shoulders and began his trip back to the barn. He did not own a pig, and he planned to take the pig to task for the mud wallowing incident. The next day the shepherd?s rich neighbor a farmer came by and inquired if the shepherd had seen his pig. Soon the Shepherd began telling the rich farmer about the sheep and pig story, and demanded compensation for the incident caused by the farmer’s pig.” The farmer expressed his doubts to the Shepherd, whereupon the Sheep blurted out “He’s right, it was your pig that did it.” Just then the rich farmer realized that this was a talking sheep. He thought to himself, “I can make millions with a talking sheep. He stopped the discussion and asked if the shepherd would take 500 dollars for the sheep. The shepherd replied that he would consider the sale on an as is basis, no guarantees. The farmer then bought the sheep and the trade was done. The shepherd turned and as he walked away the farmer heard him say “Well that’s one less diseased and dying sheep I have to worry about, Your pig said he was full of shit anyway.”
Q: What is the keenest kind of shark?
A: A swellshark!
Q: why did the mommy shark and daddy shark get divorced
A: they no longer loved each other
Q: What do you get when a dinosaur blows it’s nose?
A: OUT of the way!!
Q: What do you call a cow with no legs at all?
A: Ground beef
Subject: A class in Bihar College This is a true incident which happened in a college: A new lecturer (also a Bihari professor) was unable to control the class. The guys were just talking without giving any attention to him. So he wanted to send a guy who was creating most of the problem out. But he doesn’t know how to put it in English. He went near the guy. Shouted “follow me” .The guy followed him till he went out of the class. Now the lecturer turned back and again shouted “Don’t follow me” and went inside the class……..
Inside the Class:
Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.
Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.
Cut an apple into two halves -take the bigger half.
Shhh…Quiet, boys…the principal just passed away in the corridor.
You, meet me behind the class.
Both of you three, get out of the class.
Close the doors of the windows please .. I have winter in my nose today…
Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver…..
Take 5 cm wire of any length….
Q :Why don’t elephants like playing cards in the jungle?
A :Because of all the cheetahs!
Wife: Aji suniye, mujhe kisi mehengi jaga le ke chaliye na ji….
Husband: Chalo, tayyar ho jao…
Guess where he took her….
Q: What do cows get when they do all their chores?
Q: How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
A: “Fleece Navidad!”
Q: Why don’t polar bears like fast food?
A: Because they can’t catch it!
Q: Why don’t squirrels wear skinny jeans?
A: Because their nuts won’t fit
One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one. The man asks, ”How much is the yellow one?” The assistant says, ” 2000.” The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it’s so expensive. The assistant explains, ”This parrot is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast.” ”What about the green one?” the man asks. The assistant says, ”He costs 5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes.” ”What about the red one?” the man asks. The assistant says, ”That one’s 10,000.” The man says, ”What does HE do?” The assistant says, ”I don’t know, but the other two call him boss.
Q: Why do polar bears like bald men?
A: Because they have a great, white, bear (uh…bare) place!
Q :What do you call an unemployed goat?
A :Billy Idol.
Q: What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head?
A: A tiger moth!
Q :What does a Gorilla attorney study?
A :The Law of the jungle!
Q: Where do you send turtles who commit crimes?
A: To the shell-block.
Q: What do call a cow that has just had a calf?
Q: What do you call an otter with a carrot in each ear?
A: Anything you want as he can’t hear you!
What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees? “Horn”-aments!
Q: What did they llama say to the blade of grass?
A: Nice knawing you!
Q: What do you call a dinosaur with high heels?
Q: How do you catch a Polynesian squirrel?
A: Climb a tree and act like a coconut.
Q: Where are sharks from?
Q:What do you call a grasshopper with no legs?
Q: How do the Vietnamese like their soup?
 Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.
 Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.
 Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
 I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried – but they wanted cash.
 Don’t feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
 Don’t marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you’ll regret it later.
 You can’t buy love, but you pay heavily for it.
 Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
 Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
 Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.
 My wife and I always compromise. I admit I’m wrong and she agrees with me.
 Those who can’t laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
 Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.
 A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
 You’re getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.
 It doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
 Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.
 It’s funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It’s like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
 There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.
 There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it!
Q : Which of Santa’s reindeer has bad manners?
A : “Rude”-olph!
Q: What do you get when you cross a giraffe with a hedgehog?
A: A twelve-foot toothbrush
Q: What do you get if you cross a horse with a bee?
A: Neigh buzz
So Lalu Yadav finally decides to learn English. An instructor extremely fluent in English is hired for the job.
The instructor fully confident claims that if he is locked up in a room with Lalu for a week he will surely teach him English. So the orderlies lock Lalu and the instructor in a room
When the room is opened after a week the instructor comes out and says .. “Eee Lalua ke angrezi sikhana to bahute mushkil baat ba”
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?
A: He was a dirty double crosser!
Q: How did the panda who lose his dinner?
A: He was “Bamboozled”!
Q: How do you start a teddy bear race?
A: Ready, teddy, go!
Q :What is an elephants favorite sport?
Q: How do chickens get strong?
Q :How do you know when there is an elephant under your bed?
A :When your nose touches the ceiling!
Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
Engineers had made our life very comfortable by using science and technology.
But have u ever imagined what would the world look like without engineers, If not then here r
some of the pics what would our life be like :-
A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won’t tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue. Well, he said, ‘It’s what mummy calls me sometimes’. The little girl screams to her brother ‘Don’t eat it, it’s an asshole..
Q: Why are most horses in shape?
A: Because they are on a stable diet.
Q: What do you call a very fast llama?
A: a Llamagini
Q: Where does a cow stop to drink?
A: The milky way!
Q: Why are crocodiles comedians so funny?
A: Their wit is as razor sharp as their teeth!
Q: What do you get when you cross a polar bear with a rose?
A: I’m not sure – but I wouldn’t try smelling it!
Q: Why did the bunny build herself a new house?
A: She was fed up with the hole thing!
Q: How do you catch a unique bird?
A: Unique up on it.
Q: Did you hear about the rich rabbit?
A: He was a millionhare!
Q :What is white and brown and eats hamster food?
A: My hamster!
Q: What do polar bears like to eat in the cold?
A: A “brrr”-“grrr”!
Two hunters decide to go moose hunting in Canada. They hire an airplane to drop them off in a remote region. The pilot drops them off and tells them, “I`ll be back in one week. No more than one moose – got it?” One week passes, and the pilot returns. The hunters have two moose. The pilot says, “Hey, I told you guys no more than one moose.” One of the hunters replies, “Look the pilot told us the same thing last year and we gave him a `big` tip to take both moose out.” The three of them argue for several minutes more. The pilot gives up and agrees to take both moose. Well, they load up the moose and fire up the plane. The plane shudders and strains trying to take off. It finally gets the wheels off the ground 5 feet, 10 feet. Whoops! It runs out of runway and smashes into a tree. The two hunters, dazed and confused make there way out of the wreckage. One hunter looks at the other and says, “Where the heck are we?” The other looks around and replies, “About 200 yards further than we got last year!”
Q: When does a giraffe have 8 legs?
A: When there are two of them!
Q: What did Morgan Freeman say when Penguins told him they liked March of the Penguins?
A: Why the hell was I narrating it if Penguins can talk
Q: What happened when the tiger ate the comedian ?
A: He felt funny !
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he’s drinking it the monkey jumps around all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy, “Did you see what your monkey just did?” The guy says, “No, what?” “He just ate the cue ball off my pool table, whole!”, says the bartender. “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replied the patron. “He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I’ll pay for the cue ball and stuff.” He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he’s in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. “Did you see what your monkey did now?”, he asks. “Now what?”, responds the patron. “Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!” says the barkeeper. “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replied the patron. “He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!”
Q :What goes dot-dot-croak, dot-dash-croak?
A :Morse toad!
Q: What do you call four female deer?
A: FO REAL DOE
Q: What did one dairy cow say to another?
A: Got milk?
Q: What is a rabbit’s favorite dance style?
Q: When does a Raccoon go “moo”?
A: When it is learning a new language!
Q:If you had a donkey and I had a chicken and if your donkey ate my chicken what will you have?
A:Three feet of my cock up your ass.
Q: What’s green and purple and goes up and down?
A: Barney in an elevator.
Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a snowman?
Q: Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?
A: He got caught peeping on a test.
A Bihari after coming back from a three hour long class says “Saala pura body headache maar raha hai “
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, saying that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains how the game works: “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me, and visa-versa.” Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The chauvinistic lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will easily win the match, so he makes another offer:
“Okay, how about this “If you don’t know the answer you pay me only $5, but if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $50.” This catches the blonde’s attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to play the game. The lawyer asks the first question. “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?” The blonde doesn’t say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it’s the blonde’s turn. She asks the lawyer, “What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?”
The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail. After over an hour, of searching for the answer he finally gives up. He wakes the blonde and hands her $50.
The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little frustrated, wakes the blonde and asks, “Well, so what IS the answer?” Again without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
Q: An otter and an otter are in a car, who’s driving?
A: Animal Control
Q: What’s more amazing than a talking hippo?
A: A spelling bee!
Q: What’s a monkey’s favourite drink?
A: A sas-gorilla.
Q: Where do rabbits learn how to fly?
A: In the hare force!
Q: What do you call an owl caught in the act?
Q: What do you call sheep taking over France?
A: Baaaa-stile Day.
Q: What kind of jokes do sea turtles tell?
A: Shell-arious ones!
Q: What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose?
A: A collie-flower!
Q : Why is Prancer always wet?
A : Because he’s a “rain”-deer!
Q: What do you call a hippo with a carrot in each ear?
A: Anything you want as he can’t hear you!
Q: What do you call a horse that can’t lose a race?
Q: Which dinosaur slept all day ?
A: The dino-snore!
A guy brings a raccoon home , tells his wife it’s a pet. She asks , “Where are you going to keep it?” He repies , “In the bedroom.” “But what about that horrible nasty smell?’ , she asks. “I got used to you , I’m sure he will too!
Q: What do you call an Raccoon with a carrot in each ear?
A: Anything you want as he can’t hear you!
Master bachiya nu puchda hai, daso vade ho ke tusi ki banna chaoge?
shunty : me Engineer banna chanda haan.
bunty : me doctor banna chanda haan.
dipti : me achi maa banna chandi haan.
santa : te me dipti di madad karna chanda haan.
Q: What do you call a group of chickens clucking in unison?
A: A Hensemble.
Q :Why are frogs so happy?
A :They eat watever bugs them!
Q: What do headmasters and bullfrogs have in common?
A: Both have big heads that consist mostly of mouth!
Q :How do you make a fish laugh?
A :Tell a whale of a tale.
Q: What do you call a turtle with 6 feet?
A: A 6-foot turtle.
Q: Why don’t cows have any money?
A: Because farmers milk them dry
Q: What do rabbits put in their computers?
A: Hoppy disks!
Q: Did you hear about the donkey that was afraid to speak up for herself?
A: She was a candy-ass.
Q: Who gives crocodiles presents on Christmas?
A: Santa Jaws!
Q: What do alligators drink before a race?
Q. How do you know when your cat’s done cleaning herself?
A. She’s smoking a cigarette.
Q: Why does a milking stool have only three legs?
A: Because the cow has the udder
Q: Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?
A: It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
Q: Did you hear about the man who can jump from tree to tree?
A: He was a monkey’s uncle.
Q: Why do sharks make terrible lawyers?
A: They’re too nice!
Q: Why did the piece of gum cross the road?
A: Because it was stuck to the chicken’s foot.
Q : How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming?
A : He looks at his calen-“deer”!
Q: What do you get when you find a rabbit with no hair?
A: A hairless hare!
Q: What do you get when you cross an owl and an oyster?
A: Pearls of Wisdom
Q: What did the skeleton say to the puppy?
Q: Where does a Tyrannosaurus sit when he comes to stay?
A: Anywhere he wants to.
A :What do you call a woman with a frog on her head?
Q: What is a sharks favorite sci-fi show
A: Shark Trek
Q: What do you call a crazy chicken?
A: A cuckoo cluck!
Q: Can you name 10 dinosaurs in 10 seconds?
A: Yes, 8 Iguanadons and 2 Stegasaurus.
Q: Where do horses shop?
A: Old Neigh-vy!
Q: What do you call a horse wearing Venetian blinds?
A: A zebra!
It was Saturday morning and John, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Mary, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage. John asks her, “What are you up to?” Mary smiles, “I’m going hunting with you!” John, though he has many reservations, reluctantly decides to take her along. They arrive at the hunting site. John sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her: “If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I’ll come running back as soon as I hear the shot.” John walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Mary couldn’t bag an elephant — much less a deer. But not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, John starts running back. As John gets closer to her stand, he hears Mary screaming, “Get away from my deer!” Confused, John races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, “Get away from my deer!” followed by another volley of gunfire. Now within sight of where he had left his wife, John is surprised to see a cowboy, with his hands high in the air. The cowboy, obviously distraught, says, “Okay, lady, okay! You can have your deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!”‘
A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of badgers. He pulls the guy over and says… “You can’t drive around with badgers in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately.” The guy says “OK”… and drives away. The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of badgers, and they’re all wearing sun glasses. He pulls the guy over and demands… “I thought I told you to take these badgers to the zoo yesterday?” The guy replies… “I did . . . today I’m taking them to the beach!”
Q: What is a ferret’s favorite song?
A: Dook, dook, dook, dook of Earl…
Q: What did one cow say to the other?
A: Mooooooove over!
Q: How do you catch a squirrel for the holidays?
A: Climb a tree and act like nutmeg.
Preeto: aji , aaj kuch ajiha karo ke mere pasine nikal jaan.
Banta : uthiyan te AC & pankhe da switch off kar dita.
Q: What does a cow put on his french toast?
Can I Stay
Wait Till The End Of Ramzan
The 1st Who
Happy Eid Mubarik
Q: What did one horse say to the other horse?
A: The pace is familiar but I can’t remember the mane.
Q: What do you call a frozen dog?
A: A pupsicle.
Q: Have you heard of Flight of the Penguins (sequel to March)?
A: Its a whale of a tale
Q: What’s black and dangerous and lives in a tree?
A: A gorilla with a machine gun.
Q: Where do you put 2 horses that just broken up?
A: In the pasture
Q: What did the grape say when the Porcupine stood on it? A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa’s reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl. We should’ve known… ONLY women would be able to drag a fat jolly old man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.
Q :What’s grey but turns red?
A :An embarrassed elephant!
Q: Why did the T-Rex eat hamburgers?
A: Because he is a meat eater!
Q: What do tigers sing at Christmas?
A: Jungle bells!jungle bells!
Q: What’s the difference between OJ Simpson and the Sharks?
A: OJ Simpson had a more credible defence…
Q: What do you call a Donkey that can go 0-40 in 3.4 seconds?
Q :How do frogs manage to lay so many eggs?
A :They sit eggsaminations!
Q: What do you call a crocodile with GPS?
A: A Navi-gator.
A guy rushes into a bar, orders four expensive 30-year-old single malts and has the bartender line them up in front of him.
Then without pausing, he quickly downs each one. “Whew”, the bartender remarked, “you seem to be in a hurry.”
“You would be too if you had what I have.”
“What do you have?” the bartender sympathetically asked.
Q: Why is Avogadro so rich?
A: He’s a multi-mole-ionare!
What’s red and white and gives presents to gazelles? Santelope!
Q: What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye while breaking wind ? A:
A stinkey winkey wonkey donkey
Q :Why couldn’t the Gorilla pitcher make it in the major leagues?
A :His balk was worse than his bite!
Q: What do you call a gorilla playing quidditch?
A: A hairy potter!!
Q: What do cat sharks cough up?
A: Human balls.
Q: What do you call a crate of ducks?
A: A box of quackers
Q :What kind of music do frogs listen to?
A :Hip Hop
A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, “Get me a beer before it starts.”
The wife sighs and gets him a beer.
Fifteen minutes later, he says, “Get me another beer before it starts.”
She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him.
He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, “Quick, get me another beer, it’s going to start any minute.”
The wife is furious. She yells at him,
“Is that all you’re going to do tonight? Drink beer and sit in front of that TV? You’re nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob and furthermore . . .”
The man sighs and says, “It’s started.”
Wishing You HAPPY EID MUBARAK in Advance For The Following 10 Yerar,
Agar Coming 10 Years Main Aap Ko Koi Pehlay Wish Karnay Ka Dawa Karay,
Tau Aik Rakh Kay Chamaat Daina Aur Yeh SMS Dikha Daina.
Don’t Delete It.
Q: Would you rather have a tiger eat your or a lion?
A: I would rather have a tiger eat a lion.
Q: Why did the Koala cross the road?
A: To prove to the possum that it could be done!
Q: Why don’t monkeys play cards in the jungle?
A: There are too many cheetahs there!
Q: Why did the badger cross the road? A: To prove to the possum that it could be done!
Q :Whats the world weakest animal?
A :A toad, he croaks if you even touch him!
A mathematician organizes a raffle in which the prize is an infinite amount of money paid over an infinite amount of time.
Of course, with the promise of such a prize, his tickets sell like hot cake. When the winning ticket is drawn, and the jubilant winner comes to claim his prize, the mathematician explains the mode of payment:
“1 dollar now, 1/2 dollar next week, 1/3 dollar the week after that…”
Q : What do you call a hamster that can’t run in a wheel?
A : Hamateur.
Q : Why is Prancer always wet?
A : Because he’s a “rain”-deer!
Q: How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?
A: A phew!
Q :How did the toad die?
A :He simply croaked!
Q: What do you call a deep fried platypus?
A: A battered-pus
The elephant asked the camel: “Why do you have your breasts on your back?” The camel clearly irritated by the outrage of modesty replies: “What a silly question from someone who has a dick on his face.”
Q: What brand of caramel-coated popcorn and peanuts do sharks prefer?
A: Cracker Sharks
Q :What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A :A lawn moo-er.
Q :Girl: One of my ex-boyfriends sounds like an owl. Boy:
Q: Where does a tiger sleep?
A: Anywhere he wants to!
Q: What do giraffes have that no one else has?
A: Baby giraffes!
Q: Where did Velociraptor buy things?
A: At a dino-store!
Q: What did the grape say when the Raccoon stood on it?
A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
Police di gadi te gharwali wich common ki h?
dono apne aan te bda shor machande hai.
Q: What do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark?
A: A bird that talks your ear off!