lazy platypus

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Q: Why did the platypus catch the bus?
A: Because he didn’t want to walk.

Bihari in college

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Subject: A class in Bihar College This is a true incident which happened in a college: A new lecturer (also a Bihari professor) was unable to control the class. The guys were just talking without giving any attention to him. So he wanted to send a guy who was creating most of the problem out. But he doesn’t know how to put it in English. He went near the guy. Shouted “follow me” .The guy followed him till he went out of the class. Now the lecturer turned back and again shouted “Don’t follow me” and went inside the class……..
Bihari Professor.
Inside the Class:
Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.
Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.
Cut an apple into two halves -take the bigger half.
Shhh…Quiet, boys…the principal just passed away in the corridor.
You, meet me behind the class.
Both of you three, get out of the class.
Close the doors of the windows please .. I have winter in my nose today…
Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver…..
Take 5 cm wire of any length….

Disappointed salesman of Coca Cola

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A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment. A friend asked, “Why weren’t you successful with the Arabs?”

The salesman explained, “When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn’t know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters…

First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand… totally exhausted and panting.

 Desert-man-exhausted

Second, the man is drinking our Cola and

Third, our man is now totally refreshed.

Drinking-coca-cola

Then these posters were pasted all over the place”

“That should have worked,” said the friend.

The salesman replied, “Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn’t realize that Arabs read from right to left…”

Appetizers

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Q: What do alligators call human children?
A: Appetizers.

Tooth-brush

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Q: What does a dinosaur call a porcupine?
A: A toothbrush.

I love you flower

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If I was a dog
and you was a flower,
I’d lift up my legs,
and give you a shower.

Bear get so scared

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Q: Why did the bear get so scared?
A: Because he looked in the mirror

move it move it

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Q: Why did King Julien refuse to dance?
A: He didn’t like to “move it move it”

School kion aatay ho ?

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Teacher: Tum school kyun aate ho?
Student: Vidya ke liye sir!

Student coming school for vidya

Teacher: Phir tum class mein soo kyun rahe ho?
Student: Aaj Vidya nahi aayi hai isliye sir!!!

On Gondkoala

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Q: How does a koala get from one place to another?
A: On a gondkoala

Penguin Catch at night

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Q: What kind of fish do Penguins catch at night?
A: Starfish.

Horse lives next door

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Q: What do you call a horse that lives next door?
A: A neigh-bor!

Double crosser

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road twice?
A: He was a double-crosser!

Cow stop to drink

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Q: Where does a cow stop to drink?
A: The milky way!

Blonde one liners

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Blonde one liner jokes

Why does a blonde keep empty beer bottles in her fridge?
They are for those who don’t drink!

How do you keep a blonde busy?
You give her a bottle of shampoo that says: “Lather, rinse, and repeat.”

How do you confuse a blonde?
You don’t. They’re born that way.

Why did the blonde tip toe past the medicine cabinet?
So she wouldn’t wake up the Sleeping Pills.

New to the Area

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Q :Why did the tadpole feel lonely?
A :Because he was newt to the area!

Her shadow

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Q: What’s as big as a dinosaur but weighs nothing?
A: Her shadow!

what do you mean

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Q: What do you get when you cross a bear and a skunk?
A: I don’t know, but it can easily get a seat on the bus!

Plant a frog

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Q :What do you get when you plant a frog?
A :A cr-oak tree.

Imam who get up

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Here is the story of an Imam who got up after Eid ul fitar prayers and announced to the people:

“I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it’s still out there in your pockets.”

Sore throat

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Q: What’s worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
A: A Diplodocus with a sore throat!

Reindeer wearing ear muffs

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Q : What do you call a reindeer wearing ear muffs?
A : Anything you want because he can’t hear you!

He’s Rabbit fan!

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Q: Does the Easter Bunny like baseball?
A:Oh, yes. He’s a rabbit fan!

Croaker Spaniel

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Q :What do you get if you cross a frog and a dog?
A :A croaker spaniel!

Moles love chemistry

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MOLE day

Q: What element do moles love to study in chemistry?
A: Molybdenum

Farmer like a maigcian

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Q: When is a farmer like a magician?
A: When he turns his cow into pasture.

Get into Donners house

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Q : How do you get into Donner’s house?
A : You ring the “deer”-bell!

Barney in an elevator

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Q: What’s green and purple and goes up and down?
A: Barney in an elevator.

Physiologists

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Psychologist: What brings you here today?
Squirrel: I realized I am what I eat…..Nuts.

Mule tide greetings

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Q: What do donkeys send out near Christmas?
A: Mule-tide greetings.

Sardar went to a mirror shop

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Once a Sardarji goes to a mirror shop to buy a mirror.He wanders all over the shop before the shopkeeper comes and asks him,”May I help you?”.

Sardar: “I want a very strong mirror”.
Shop keeper: “Try this one sir!Its just Rs.1000/-”

Sardar @ mirror shop

Sardar: “Is it really that strong?”
Shop keeper: “Yes sir. If u want to know, you can throw this mirror from 100 storeyed building. This mirror does not breaks upto 99 floors sir!!”

Sardar: “Wah! bahuth badiya hai!!”
He pays the shop keeper and leaves with that mirror!!

Peanut Butter

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Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a dairy cow?
A: Peanut butter.

Choclate melodt

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Q: What did Avogadro get when he mixed ice cream, chocolate syrup, and milk together?
A: A chocolate Moledt