Abbreviation of ABCDEFG & GFEDCBA

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What is ABCDEFG?

boy-proposing

A Boy Can Do Everything For a Girl!

But what is GFEDCBA? (The Opposite)

boyfriend-and-girlfriend

Girl Forgets Everything Done and Catches new Boy Again!

what are you doing?

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A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a grasshopper sitting next to him. “Are you a grasshopper?” asked the man, surprised. “Yes.” “What are you doing at the movies?” The grasshopper replied, “Well, I liked the book.

Play cards in Jungle

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Q: Why don’t monkeys play cards in the jungle?
A: There are too many cheetahs there!

Shark make the best

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Q: What kind of sharks make the best pog players?
A: Slammerheads!

Owl owling

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Q: Why did the owl, owl?
A: Because the woodpecker would peck ‘er!

A battered puss

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Q: What do you call a deep fried platypus?
A: A battered-pus

Take me to your litter

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Q: What did the alien say to the cat?
A: Take me to your litter.

Hello-hello

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Q: What do you say when you meet a two-headed dinosaur?
A: Hello, hello!

not good for health

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Q : Why is a reindeer like a gossip?
A : Because they are both tail bearers

Hamster upset with his job

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Q :Why was the Hamster upset with his job?
A: It didn’t pay enough salary (celery).

splatter pus

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Q: What do you get when you cross a Platypus and a Steamroller?
A: Splatterpus

Sir???

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Q :What do you call a hamster that can pick up an elephant ?
A: Sir!

Tiger on a Pogo Stick

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Q: Whats striped and bouncy?
A: A tiger on a pogo stick!

Rabbit wearing Glasses

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Q: How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?
A: Because you never see a rabbit wearing glasses!

Cow laughs to hard

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Q: What happens when a cow laughs too hard?
A: It Cowlapses!

Monkey go to drink

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Q: Where do monkeys go to drink?
A: The monkey bars!

Drinking crazy

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A man and his pet seagull walk into a bar. It’s about 5pm, but they’re ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: “Last call.” So, the man says, “One more for me… and one more for my seagull.” The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the seagull falls over dead. The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. The bartender, yells: “Hey buddy, you can’t just leave that lyin’ there.” To which the man replies: “That’s not a lion, that’s a seagull.”

Do sitting on Rabbit

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Q: What do you call a cold dog sitting on a rabbit?
A: A chili dog on a bun!

Raccoon stand on it

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Q: What did the grape say when the Raccoon stood on it?
A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine!

Dear calls hunters

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Q: What do deers call hunters?
A: Doe foes.

Baby Giraffes

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Q: What do giraffes have that no one else has?
A: Baby giraffes!

Chicks to talk

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Q: Why is it easy for chicks to talk?
A: Because talk is cheep!

Blubbering Gum

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Q :What did the shark say to the whale?
A: What are you blubbering about?

Ugly boy

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A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a bb gun in one hand and a grasshopper in the other. “Now Listen here,” the policeman said, “Whatever you do to that poor, defenseless creature I shall personally do to you” “In that case,” said the boy. “I’ll kiss it’s butt and let it go”

Bugs Bunny !

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Q: What do you get when you cross an insect and a rabbit?
A: Bugs Bunny!

Stinky winkey donkey

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Q: What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye while breaking wind ? A:
A stinkey winkey wonkey donkey

Stegosaurus

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Q: What has a spiked tail, plates on its back, and sixteen wheels?
A: A Stegosaurus on roller skates!

End of the rainbow

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Q :Where do frogs keep their treasure?
A :In a croak of gold at the end of the rainbow!

Dino-Store

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Q: Where did Velociraptor buy things?
A: At a dino-store!

Name for twins

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Raabert had twins and comes to the “Boss”…..

twins in bollywood

Raabert: Boss, mere dono bachon ke liye koi naam bataiye..
Ajeet: Ek ka naam rakho Peter….
Raabert: boss or doosre ka ?
Ajeet: Repeater.

Anywhere he wants too

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Q: Where does a tiger sleep?
A: Anywhere he wants to!

Don’t be aggressive on Eid day..

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Wishing You HAPPY EID MUBARAK in Advance For The Following 10 Yerar,

2011
2012
2013
2014
2015
2016
2017
2018
2019
2020

Agar Coming 10 Years Main Aap Ko Koi Pehlay Wish Karnay Ka Dawa Karay,

Tau Aik Rakh Kay Chamaat Daina Aur Yeh SMS Dikha Daina.

O.K

Don’t Delete It.

Feet are Saurus

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Q: What do you call a dinosaur with high heels?
A: My-feet-are-saurus

I know its early

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I know its too early…
but l have hundreds of boys and pretty girls to wish…
So I decided to finish off Uncles & Aunties first!

Evaporated milk

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Q: What does an invisible man drink?
A: Evaporated milk!

At the Spawn shop

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Q :Where do you get frogs eggs?
A :At the spawn shop!

Cross gator and Poison Frog

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Q :What do you get when you cross a gator and a poison frog?
A :A croakadile.

Cross a gator

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Q: What do you get when you cross a gator and a poison frog?
A: A croak-odile.

Human balls

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Q: What do cat sharks cough up?
A: Human balls.

Out oh the way

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Q: What do you get when a dinosaur sneezes?
A: Out of the way!

Star warts

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Q: What do you get if cross a science fiction film with a toad?
A: Star Warts!

Cross polar bear with seal

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Q: What do you get when you cross a polar bear with a seal?
A: A polar bear.

Policeman caught Nasty Boy

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A policeman caught a nasty little Australian boy with a BB gun in one hand and a koala in the other. “Now Listen here,” the policeman said, “Whatever you do to that poor, defenseless creature I shall personally do to you” “In that case,” said the boy. “I’ll kiss it’s butt and let it go”

Wears big and grey masks

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Q :What’s big and grey and wears a mask?
A :The elephantom of the opera!

Dusky husky

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Q: What do you call a black Eskimo dog?
A: A dusky husky!

Frog in bathtub

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Q : What happens when you mix a frog with a bathtub scrubby-mit?
A : A rubbit!

Japan Fast, India Very Very Fast

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 There was a Japanese who went to India for sightseeing. On the last day, he hired a cab and told the driver to drive to the Airport.During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, “Honda, very fast! Made in Japan !!!.

After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi and again the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, “Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!” And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, “Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!”

taxi-meter-made-in-india-very-very-fast

The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars.
Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was 800 rupees. !!!!

The Japanese exclaimed, “What??… so expensive!” There upon, the driver yelled back, “Meter, Made in India VERY VERY FAST !!!!!

End of th window

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Q: Where do toads keep their treasure?
A: In a croak of gold at the end of the rainbow!

Camel most useful Animal

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This general in the Foreign Legion is transferred to a new fort, and half way through his tour of the place, he spots a mangey old camel tied up at the back of the fort. He turns to the corporal: “What in God’s name do you use that for?”, he asks. The corporal replies “Well, sir, there are a lot of men, and now and then, they become, shall we say, horny….” “Ah, yes, yes, I understand. Fine, move on” About 6 weeks later, the general wakes up feeling so horny, he’d get up on the crack of dawn and calls the corporal. “Bring me to the camel” says he. The corporal does, and once at the camel, he makes it stand up, and places a stool behind it. With that, the general stands on the stool, takes out Mr Floppy and inserts it into the camel. He then proceeds to give it the ride of its life. Having finished, he puts away his equipment, and looks proudly at the corporal. “Well”, he says, “is that the way you men do it around here?” “Er…no, sir”, replies the corporal, “We normally just use the camel to ride to the nearest brothel.”

Goat With Beer

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Q :What do you call a goat with a beard?
A :Goatee!

Two rabbits on rollerblades

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Q: What is white and has long ears, whiskers, and sixteen wheels?
A: Two rabbits on Rollerblades!

Reindeer wera fur coats

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Q : Why do reindeer wear fur coats?
A : Because they would look silly in plastic macs!

Little Whrose

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Q: What do you call a promiscious pony?
A: A Little Whorse

Bullshit

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Q: What family does Maiasaur belong to?
A: I don’t think any families in our neighborhood have one!

Clever politician of India

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NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars.Only one person could go, and he will not return to Earth.

The first applicant, an American engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going.
“A million dollars”, he answered, “because I wish to donate it to M.I.T.”

The next applicant, a Russian doctor, was asked the same question.
]He asked for two million dollars. “I wish to give a million to my family, he explained,
“and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.”

Nasa-sending-engineer-to-mars
The last applicant
was our Indian politician (Lallu Prasad Yadav).
When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer’s ear, “Three million dollars.”

“Why so much more than the others?” the interviewer asked.
The Indian Politician replied, $1 million is for you, I’ll keep $1
million,and we’ll give the American engineer $1million and send him to Mars”

Platypus in a mood

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The platypus went into a bar. He bought two sodas. “That’ll be $2.50, please” said the bartender. “Just put it on my bill” said the platypus.

Tea Cow

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Q: What do you call animal drinking with Justin Timberlake?
A: TEA COW!

A little otter

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Q: What would you rather be, a polar bear or a little otter.
A: A little (h)otter

Shark Hudson

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Q: Who is the shark communitys favorite 1950s film actor
A: Shark Hudson

Tiger lily

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Q: What is the fiercest flower in the garden?
A: A tiger lily!

Little boy on Donkey

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donkey_dead

An old man and a little boy on a donkey were on their way into town. They passed by a group of people who said, “What a shame for that old man to be walking while that perfectly able-bodied boy rides that donkey.” So the boy got off the donkey and the old man got on. They later passed by some more people who said,” Why should that little boy have to walk when they have a donkey to ride on. So the little boy got on the donkey and they both rode it. After a while, they passed some more people. They overheard the people say, “That poor donkey must be wore out from carrying both of them.” So the little boy and old man picked up the donkey and started to carry it. They were carrying the donkey across a bridge. The weight of the donkey became just too unbearable and slipped from their grasp and went over the side of the bridge into the water and drowned. The moral of the story is: If You Try To Please Everyone You’ll Eventually Lose Your ASS!

Q: What did one chicken say to

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Q: What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy?
A: “You scratch my beak and I’ll scratch yours!”

lazy workers :D

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Q : How many reindeer does it take to change a light bulb?
A : Eight! One to screw in the light bulb and seven to hold Rudolph down!

Long distance

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Q: What’s the best way to talk to a Tyrannosaur ?
A: Long distance!

Hopthalmologist

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Q :Did you hear about the frog with glasses?
A :He had to go to the Hopthalmologist.

Owl invite his friend

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Q: Why did the Owl invite his friends over?
A: He didn’t want to be Owl by himself.

Talking lemur…

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Q: What’s more amazing than a talking Lemur?
A: A spelling bee!

Pony spayed

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There was this young filly whose owners decided to have her “fixed.” The stallion next door was heartbroken, as he’d always wanted to mate with her. He pined for her constantly. Moral of the Story? “A pony spayed is a pony yearned.”

Coop- cakes

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Q: What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
A: Coop-cakes!

Mickey Moose

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Q: What do you get when you cross a mouse and a deer?
A: Mickey Moose

Bluebird

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Q: What do you call a sad bird?
A: A bluebird!

Cross a shark

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Q: What do you get if you cross a shark with a Rottweiler?
A: An abomination unto God Himself

Shark favourite doustin

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Q: What is a sharks favorite Dustin Hoffman Film
A: Midnight Caudal

Little of mittens

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Q: Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of yarn?
A: She had a litter of mittens.

My Hearing is Perfect Now

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A man was telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.”

old man

“Really,” answered the neighbor . “What kind is it?”

“Twelve thirty.”

Video Camera & toilet room

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Take your Video camera (take someone elses if you don’t have one)
2) Enter your toilet room
3) From the other side of the room to the toilet, stand on a chair and video a shot from near the ceiling of your toilet seat (about 5 mins should do)
4) Have a party !!
5) When someone leaves the room to visit the lav. put the cassette in your vid player.
6) Just before the person re-enters the room start playing the tape – with everyone in the room laughing at the TV screen.
7) WATCH THE FACE OF THE PERSON RE-ENTERING THE ROOM !! :-)

Four Skin Divers

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Q: How do you circumsize a whale?
A: You send down four-skin divers.

Whale of tale

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Q :How do you make a Gorilla laugh?
A :Tell it a whale of a tale!

Do you like whales

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Q :Do you like whales?
A : Cause we can go hump back at my place.

Sitting your school desk

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Q: What should you do if you find a gorilla sitting at your school desk?
A: Sit somewhere else!

Bite the bullet

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Q: Why shouldn’t you shoot an alligator?
A: He’ll just bite the bullet and make the best of it.

Alchoholic badger

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A man and his pet badger walk into a bar. It’s about 5pm, but they’re ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: “Last call.” So, the man says, “One more for me… and one more for my badger.” The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the badger falls over dead. The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. The bartender, yells: “Hey buddy, you can’t just leave that lyin’ there.” To which the man replies: “That’s not a lion, that’s a badger.”

2013 which dunya khtm?

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Santa: graduation karan toh bad dobara nursery di padhai start kar denda hai?
Banta: nusrsery di padhai Q kar riha h?
Santa: 2013 wich duniya khatam h…me sochiya hune to padhai start kar dwan

Goat at sea

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Q :What do you call a goat at sea?
A :Billy Ocean.

Prefer a cat dialogue

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Q: Why don’t cats like online shopping?
A: They prefer a cat-alogue.

Platypus learning new language

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Q: When does a platypus go “moo”?
A: When it is learning a new language!

Dog’s wag their tails

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Q: Why do dogs wag their tails?
A: “Because no one else will do it for them!”

Japenese Shocked Behari Rocks

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The Japanese government offers Rabri Devi a golden deal. “Give us Bihar for a year, We will make it like Japan.”
Rabri Devi replies. “Give us Japan for a month. We will make it like Bihar”.

The Bear Hug

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Q :Which technique does a Gorilla borrow from another animal when it gets romantic?
A :The bear hug!

California ferret

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Q: How many California ferret owners does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Thousands. First they have to write to their representatives, educate others, obtain support, etc. then have a bill proposal pass through various committees before the government will allow the bulb to be changed.

Fast food

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Q: What does a cat call a hummingbird?
A: Fast food.

Owl City

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Q: Where do you go for a good time?
A: Owl City.

Office memo

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Dear Staff,
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada sneakers and carrying a Gucci bag we assume that you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

 office-memo-joke-1

Lunch Breaks:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch
as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average size. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Restroom Use:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet pater roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the “Chronic Offender” category.

office-memo-joke-2

Surgery:

As long as you are employed here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed will constitute a breach of employment.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, and input should be directed elsewhere.

Have a nice week.

Do-you-think-he-saw-us

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Q: What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?
A: Doyouthinkhesawus

I’m Saying Grace

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An Arctic explorer came face to face with a polar bear. Afraid of being eaten, he fell to his knees and started praying. When the polar bear knelt down beside him and started praying too, the man shouted, “It’s a miracle!” The polar bear opened one eye and said “Don’t talk while I’m saying grace.”

Baaa boon

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Q: What animal sounds like a sheep but isn’t?
A: A baaaa-boon!

Avagadro love to mash

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Q: Avogadro loved to watch MASH. Which character did he like most?
A: Father Molecahy

Hare cut of rabbit

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Q: What do you call an operation on a rabbit?
A: A hare-cut.

Dog with no legs

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Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?
A: It doesn’t matter…. he’s not going to come anyway.

chiropractor

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Q: Why did Avogadro stop going to a chiropractor on October 24th?
A: He was only tense to the 23rd!

My lawyer cheats me

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Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury acquitted him. Later that day Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing.
“Your honor,” he said, “I wanna get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine.”
“Why ?” asked the judge.
“He won your acquittal. What do you want to have him arrested for ?”
“Well, your honor,” replied Carlson,
“I didn’t have the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the car I stole.”

Purr-verted

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Q: What do you call a cat that can’t stop licking itself?
A: Purrr-verted.

Always allow the bosses to speak first

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A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.

The ghost says: Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each”

So the eager senior manager shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries. “Pfufffff and he was gone.

Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted “I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails.”Pfufffff and he was also gone.

The boss calmly said, “I want these two idiots back right now .” Pfuffff ……….:p

Lesson :- ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSSES TO SPEAK FIRST

Talkin Owl

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Q: What’s more amazing than a talking Owl?
A: A spelling bee!

Owls serves hot Wings

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Q: What do you call an Owl that serves hot wings?
A: Hooters.

Peanut better type

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Q: What weighs 800 pounds and sticks to the roof of your mouth ?
A: A peanut butter and Stegosaurus sandwich!

Stable tennis

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Q: What is a young Colts favorite sport?
A: Stable Tennis.

With Cowculator

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Q: How does a farmer count a herd of cows?
A: With a Cowculator

Leap year

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Q :What is a frogs favorite time?
A :Leap Year!

By e-mole

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Q: How does Avogadro write to his friends?
A: By e-mole!

Otter is much better than pizza

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Q: What’s the difference between a pizza and an otter?
A: A pizza doesn’t scream when you put it in the oven.

Sir loin

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Q: What do you call a cow with full armor?
A: Sir loin

sloth stand on grapes

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Q: What did the grape say when the sloth stood on it?
A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine!

Rubs its legs

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Q:What is green, sooty and whistles when it rubs its back legs together?
A: Chimney Cricket!

Barn so noisy

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Q: Why is a barn so noisy?
A: All the cows have horns.

Middle of dinosaur

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Q: What is in the middle of dinosaurs ?
A: The letter “s”!

Dinosaur never gives up

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Q: What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?
A: Try-Try-Try-ceratops !

Tell a runaway horse

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Q: What is the best type of story to tell a runaway horse?
A: A tale of WHOA!

Horse lives next door

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Q: What do you call a horse that lives next door?
A: A neigh-bor!

Cat in a station wagon

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Q: What do you call a cat in a station wagon?
A: A car-pet

Elk a seltzer

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Q : What do you give a reindeer with an upset tummy?
A : “Elk”-a-seltzer!

Pleased to eat you now

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Q: How does a lion greet the other animals in the field?
A: ‘Pleased to eat you.’!

Spastic Goat

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Q :What do you call a spastic goat?
A :Billy the kid.

I hate that beggar

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Wife: I hate that beggar.
Husband: Why?
Wife: Yesterday I gave him food and today he gave me a book “How to Cook”!

sir?

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Q. What do you call a dinosaur as tall as a house, with long sharp teeth, and 12 claws on each foot?
A. Sir.

American Lawyer Trying to Win $100 From Pakistani Doctor

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A Pakistani Doctor can’t find a job in any Hospital in USA, so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside ‘GET TREATMENT FOR $20 – IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100.’
An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic…
Lawyer: “I have lost my sense of taste.”
Doctor: “Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in patient’s mouth.”
Lawyer: “Ugh… this is kerosene.”
Doctor: “Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me $20.”
The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money…
Lawyer: “I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything.”
Doctor: “Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth.”
Lawyer (annoyed): “This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste.”
Doctor: “Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me $20.”
The fuming lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get back $100.
Lawyer: “My eyesight has become very weak I can’t see at all.”
Doctor: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that, so take this $100.”
Lawyer (staring at the note): “But this is $1″ not $100!!”
Doctor: “Congrats, your eyesight is restored. Give me $20”
You can’t beat the Pakistanis.😃😃😃

Otter get into honest buisness

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Q: How does an otter get into an honest business?
A: Usually through the skylight.

Twas the Night After Christmas

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‘Twas the night after Christmas and all through the trailer, the beer had gone flat and the pizza was staler. The tube socks hung empty, no candies or toys and I was camped out on my old Lay-Z-Boy. 

The kids they weren’t talking to me or my wife, the worst Christmas they said they had had in their lives. My wife couldn’t argue and neither could I, so I watched TV and my wife, she just cried.

When out in the yard the dog started barkin’, I stood up and looked and I saw Sheriff Larkin. He yelled, “Roy I am sworn to uphold the laws and I got a complaint here from a feller named Claus.”

I said, “Claus, I don’t know nobody named Claus, and you ain’t taking me in without probable cause.” Then the Sheriff he said, “The man was shot at last night.” I said, “That might have been me, just what’s he look like.”

The Sheriff replied, “Well he’s a jolly old feller, with a big beer gut belly, that shakes when he laughs like a bowl full of jelly. He sports a long beard, and a nose like a cherry.” I said, “Sheriff that sounds like my wife’s sister Sherri.”

“It’s no time for jokes Roy” the Sheriff he said. “The man I’m describing in dressed all in red. I’m here for the truth now, it’s time to come clean. Tell me what you’ve done, tell me what you’ve seen.”

Well I started to lie then I thought what the hell, it wouldn’t have been the first time that I’ve spent New Years in jail. I said, “Sheriff it happened last night about ten, and I thought that my wife had been drinking again.”

When she walked in from work she was as white as a ghost. I thought maybe she had seen one of them UFO’s. But she said that a bunch of deer had just flown over her head, and stopped on the roof of our good neighbour Red.

Well I ran outside to look and the sight made me shudder, a freezer full of venison standing right on Red’s gutter. Well my hands were a shakin’ as I grabbed my gun, when outta Red’s chimney this feller did run.

And slung on his back was this bag over flowin’. I thought he stolen Red’s stuff while old Red was out bowling’. So I yelled, “Drop fat boy, hands in the air!” But he went about his business like he hadn’t a care.

So I popped a warning shot over his head. Well he dropped that bag and he jumped in that sled. And as he flew off I heard him extort, “That’s assault with intent Roy, I’ll see ya in court.”

Prince and her paw parr

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Q: What is a cats favorite book?
A: The prince and the paw-purr.

All Lawyers are Not Assholes

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A man in a bar stands up and proclaims, “All Lawyers are ASSHOLES!”
A man at the front of the bar stands up and says, “Hey! I resent that!”
So the first man asks, “Why, are you a lawyer?”
“NO! I’m an asshole!”

are you mad?

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Q: Where do seagulls invest their money?
A: In the stork market!

Any kind

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Q: Which type of dinosaur could jump higher than a house ?
A: Any kind! A house cannot jump!

Tiger and a snow man

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Q: What do you get when you cross a tiger and a snowman?
A: Frost-bite!

Ferret crossing road

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Q: Why did the ferret cross the road?
A: To prove to the possum that it could be done!

Chicken wear Pants

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Q: Why don’t chickens wear pants?
A: There peckers on their face.

Elephant creeping out

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Q :What do you call an elephant creeping through the jungle in the middle of the night?
A :Russell!

Moody Cow

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Q: What do you get if you cross an angry sheep and a moody cow?
A: An animal that’s in a baaaaaaaad moooooood.

Cow cross the road

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Q: Why did the cow cross the road?
A: To get to the udder side.

Walkie talkiee

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Q: What do you get when you cross a parrot and a centipede?
A: A walkie-talkie.

Terrified postman

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Q: What do you get if you cross a leopard with a watchdog?
A: A terrified postman!

elephant

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Q: What do you call a platypus that can pick up an elephant ?
A: Sir!

Lamb play outside

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Q: Why couldn’t the little lamb play outside?
A: It was being baaaaaaaad!

Giraffe snots

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Q: Whats green and hangs from trees?
A: Giraffe snot.

Dino mite

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Q: What do you get when you put a bomb and a dinosaur together?
A: Dino-mite.

lazy platypus

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Q: Why did the platypus catch the bus?
A: Because he didn’t want to walk.

Double crosser

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road twice?
A: He was a double-crosser!

Tired to fired

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Q: Did you hear about the man who tried to feed a bear an Apple?
A: It didn’t bear fruit.

Dinosaur lost his glasses

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Q: What do you call a dinosaur that lost his glasses?
A: uthinkhesawrus

Laughing Stock

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Q: What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?
A: Laughing stock

Porcupine with carrot

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Q: What do you call an Porcupine with a carrot in each ear? A: Anything you want as he can’t hear you!

Cute Bunch of Cows

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A lady from the city and her traveling companion were riding the train through Vermont when she noticed some cows. “What a cute bunch of cows!” she remarked. “Not a bunch, herd”, her friend replied. “Heard of what?” “Herd of cows.” “Of course I’ve heard of cows.” “No, a cow herd.” “What do I care what a cow heard. I have no secrets to keep from a cow!”

milk to babay

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Q : When should you give reindeer milk to a baby?
A: When its a baby reindeer!

Titanic doob rha si

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Titanic doob riha si,
ik gore ne santu nu puchiya etho zameen kini dur h?
Santa 1 km.
Gora: kehdi side?
Santa :niche di side

Stumpy

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Q: What’s the silliest name you can give a giraffe?
A: Stumpy.

We don’t have an air conditioner

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A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant, at first he’d asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.

waiter-serving-food

Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn’t throw out the pest.

“Oh, that man I don’t care.”
said the waiter with a smile. “We don’t even have an air conditioner.”

Santa singh starting chicken farm

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Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with.
A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first lot had died.

planting-chicken

A month later he was back at the same dealer for another hundred chickens because the second lot had also died and then Santa realised “I think I know where I’m going wrong,” said Santa, “I think I’m planting them too deep.”

Call a dog magician

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Q: What do you call a dog magician?
A: A labracadabrador.

Tea Rex

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Q: How do you ask a dinosaur to lunch?
A: Tea Rex?

Lion that swam underwater

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Q: What was the name of the film about a killer lion that swam underwater?
A: ‘Claws.’

Female Squirrel

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Q: What do you call a squirrel with no nuts?
A: Female Squirrel.

George Washington

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Q :What did George Washington have to do with Gorillas?
A : As little as possible, dummy!

Imam Shocked People After Eid prayer

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An Imam shocked his community when he announced just after Eid ul fitar Prayer that he was resigning from that particular Masjid and moving to a drier climate. After the session, a very distraught lady came to the Imam with tears in her eyes, “Oh, Imam, we are going to miss you so much. We don’t want you to leave!” The kind hearted Imam said “Now, now, sister, don’t carry on. The Imam who takes my place might be even better than me”.
“Yeah”, she said, with a tone of disappointment in her voice, “That’s what they said the last time too . . . “

ugly little boy

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A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a bb gun in one hand and a platypus in the other. “Now Listen here,” the policeman said, “Whatever you do to that poor, defenseless creature I shall personally do to you” “In that case,” said the boy. “I’ll kiss it’s butt and let it go”

A little wine

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Q: What did the grape say when the hippopotamus stood on it?
A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine!

Plant a frog

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Q :What do you get when you plant a frog?
A :A cr-oak tree.

Horses bad manners

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Q: Why did the horse eat with its mouth open?
A: Because it had bad stable manners!

Smiles For you

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24 SmileS..

:-)
:-):-)
:-):-):-)
:-):-):-):-)
:-) :-) :-) :-)
:-):-):-):-)
:-):-):-)
:-):-)
:-)

For You,

One For Each Hour.!
So ThaT You Keep SMiLiNG 24 HOURS At EiD DaY..

Please hop on!

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Q: What did the bus conductor say to the toad?
A: Hop on!

Dogs with no legs

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Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?
A: It doesn’t matter…. he’s not going to come anyway.

A Really Bad Day (joke)

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There was a guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying.

Man at bar

The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man cry.”

No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me.

When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing.

I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away.”

“I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar.

And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.”

Made out of leather

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Q: Why are cows so soft?
A: Because they are made out of leather.

Chicken Joke

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Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A: Because the chicken joke wasn’t invented yet.

Snowy jokes

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Q: What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?
A: Owlgebra

Parrot flew away

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Q: What do you call a parrot that flew away?
A: A polygon

Alligators like to drink

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Q: What do yuppie alligators like to drink
A: Jaw-va

Lo Bhaiya hum to doob gye..!!

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Bihar government announced Rs 50,000 to every family with 5 children in home.

Pandey had 4 so he tells his wife – Meri girlfriend se mera 1 baccha hai, usey le aata hu. 5 ho jayenge aur Govt 50,000 de degi hume..

Pandey baccha leke ghar aaya aur usne wife se puchha – Baccha aa gaya hai. Hamare 4 kahan hain ?

Wife boli – Jis Jis ke thay woh le gaye.. !!

Bill Clinton invites behari to teach english

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Lalu Prasad was once invited by Bill Clinton to White House for one month to learn English.
One month later, Rabri Devi called White House to check how much English Lalu learnt there.
Bill Clinton picked up the phone.
Rabri(assuming it would be Lalu on the other end) : “Kyun ji, English bole la sikh le la?”
Clinton : “Are bhauji aap, pranam! Lalua to kucho nahi sikh saka, hum Bill Clinton(wa) bol raha hun.”

Lollihops :D

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Q: What’s a toads favorite sweet?
A: Lollihops!

Give back this lantern to Genie :D

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Three guys, standed on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says “I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here.”

The greatest gift of husband

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A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.

However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
husband-wife-gift
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman’s new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!

One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, “Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?”

“My darling,”
he replied, “I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.”

Eggs Stinks

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Q: Why are dinosaurs no longer around?
A: Because their eggs stink.

Typical Macho Man

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Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding,
he laid down the following rules:-
“I’ll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don’t expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you that I won’t be home for dinner. I’ll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don’t you give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules. Any comments?
“His new bride said, “No, that’s fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o’clock every night… whether you’re here or not.”

Tusk fairy.!

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Q :What grey, has a wand, huge wings and gives money to elephants?
A :The tusk fairy!

Enormous holes

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Q. What do you get if you cross a mouse with a Triceratops?
A. Enormous holes in the base boards.

Slow Swimmers

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Q: What do you call the stuff between a shark’s teeth?
A: Slow Swimmers.

Plug its nose

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Q: How do you make a skunk stop smelling?
A: Plug up its nose!

New to the Area

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Q :Why did the tadpole feel lonely?
A :Because he was newt to the area!

Greys moves fastly

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Q :What’s grey and moves at a hundred miles an hour?
A :A jet propelled elephant!

Striped Zebra

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Q: If a quadruped has four legs and a biped has two legs, what is a zebra?
A: A stri-ped.

Slide down the banana ster

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Q: How do monkeys get down the stairs?
A: They slide down the banana-ster!

Paint rabbits on his head

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Q: Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?
A: Because from a distance they looked like hares!

Enough Bytes

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Q: What’s the similarity between a Alligator and Windows?
A: Neither of them has enough bytes!

Dancing sheep

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Q: What do you call a dancing sheep?
A: A baa-lerina!

Crocodile like to drink

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Q: What do yuppie crocodiles like to drink
A: Jaw-va

Make shark laugh

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Q: How do you make a shark laugh?
A: Tell a whale of a tale.

Rottweiller in Cenima

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Q: Where does a Rottweiller sit in the cinema?
A: Anywhere it wants to!

Sardar needs a toilet paper

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Banta comes to Australia and goes to Woolworths’s (Ubiquitious grocery store in Australia). He finds cat food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of cat food and goes to check out.

The Manager gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy cannot have a cat and will probably feed cat food to his kids.

He asks Santa to show him his cat before he could let him have cat food. Banta goes home and returns with a cat and gets to buy the cat food. Continue reading

On the Rocks

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Q: How do Penguins drink their cola?
A: On the rocks.

Pasta to cow

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Q: What do you get when you give pasta to a cow?
A: Beefaroni.

foolish

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Q: Why is it better to be a grasshopper than a cricket?
A: Because grasshoppers can play cricket but crickets can’t play grasshopper!

Religiuos Eskimo

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The devout eskimo lost his favorite Bible while he was ice fishing. Three weeks later, a baby polar bear walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The eskimo couldn’t believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the polar bear’s mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!” “Not really,” said the baby polar bear. “Your name is written inside the cover.”

Udder Failure

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Q: What do you call a cow that doesn’t give milk?
A: An udder failure.

Blonde one liners

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Blonde one liner jokes

Why does a blonde keep empty beer bottles in her fridge?
They are for those who don’t drink!

How do you keep a blonde busy?
You give her a bottle of shampoo that says: “Lather, rinse, and repeat.”

How do you confuse a blonde?
You don’t. They’re born that way.

Why did the blonde tip toe past the medicine cabinet?
So she wouldn’t wake up the Sleeping Pills.

Eid gift For girlfriend ….

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Girl: Where is my Eid gift?

Boy: road pe red colour ki car dekh rahi ho?

Girl: Khushi se !wowww!

Boy: Same colour ki PONi laya hun apni Shehzadi k liye…

Falling down

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Q :Why did the elephants get kicked out of the pool?
A :Because their trunks kept on falling down.

Grasshopper

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The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a grasshopper walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn’t believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the grasshopper’s mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!” “Not really,” said the grasshopper. “Your name is written inside the cover.”

Nuts and Bolts

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Q: Why did the squirrel take apart the classic car?
A: To get down to the nuts and bolts.

Horse Cross the road

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Q: Why did the horse cross the road?
A: Because somebody shouted hay!

Evening mews

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Q: What is the cat’s favorite TV show?
A: The evening mews!

Its Shadow

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Q: What is as big as a gorilla but weighs nothing?
A: Its shadow!

Firen from hi job

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Q: Why did the sloth get fired from his job?
A: He would only do the BEAR minimum.

Cougars favourite

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Q: What is cougar’s favorite food ?
A: Baked beings !

Bunny cross the road

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Q: Why did the bunny cross the road?
A: He wanted to prove he could hip hop!

Papa de kum menu ki pta

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Dipi: maa khana kive bnade ha i?
maa: me tenu kini war dsya
.
.
.
.
ke apne papa de kam di gal mainu na puchiya kar.

Both have big memories

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Q :How are elephants and computers similar?
A :They both have big memories.

Shark in blennder

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Q: What’s better than a shark in a blender?
A: Two sharks in a blender

Hot croaka!

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Q :What do frogs drink?
A :Hot croako!

Alligators does Tricks

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A guy walks into a bar with a crocodile. The bartender goes, “You can’t bring that animal in here!” But the guy says, “Hey, he does tricks. Watch!” He taps on the crocodile’s head, and the beast opens its mouth. The guy unzips his pants, whips out his vulnerable member, and puts it in the crocodile’s mouth. Then he taps on the crocodile’s head again, and the beast closes its mouth. Everyone in the bar is aghast. The guy gets his penis out, and he goes, “I’ll give 100 bucks to anyone who can do that.” Everyone is really, really quiet. Suddenly, a drunk shouts, “I… I think I can do that. But I don’t think I can leave my mouth open that long!”

Takes the bull by the horns

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Q: Did you hear that Chuck Norris is a matador?
A: He takes the bull by the horns.

Jawbreaker

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Q: What do you call a man too big for an alligator to eat?
A: a jawbreaker.

Strawberry patch

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Q: Why did the dinosaur paint her toenails red?
A: So she could hide in the strawberry patch!

Cow-boose

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Q: Where do cows like to ride on trains?
A: In the cow-boose.

Bluberring about

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Q :What did the shark say to the whale?
A :What are u blubbering about?

Vidal Baboon

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Q: Where do gorillas like to get their hair cut?
A: Vidal Baboon!

Polly un saturated

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Q: Why did the parrot wear a raincoat?
A: Because she wanted to be a Polly unsaturated!

The guys was right

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Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too. “Hey, I don’t want to tell you how to do something … but I can tell you that it’s much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won’t dig into the ground.” After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it. A little while later one hunter said to the other, “You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!” “Yeah, but we’re getting farther from the truck,” the other added.

Smells like bacon

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Q :What is small, furry and smells like bacon?
A: A hamster!

Talk to a cow

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Q: What happens when you talk to a cow?
A: It goes in one ear and out the udder!

IHOP restaurants

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Q: Where do rabbits work?
A: At IHOP restaurants!

Prove its possum

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Q: Why did the otter cross the road?
A: To prove to the possum that it could be done!

Avagadro in bed

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Q: What kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
A: Moleonucleosis

mic needle

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Q: How do you inoculate a hippo?
A: With a hippodermic needle.

Polar fixed his teeths

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Q: What did the polar bear eat after the dentist fixed its tooth?
A: The dentist.

hamster with no leg

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Q :What do you call a hamster with no legs?
A: A furball.

Raining cats and dogs

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gif-hamster-1809066

 

 

 

 

 

Q :When do hamsters run away from rain?
A: When its raining cats and dogs!

Tiger become Herbivore

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Q: Why can’t a tiger become a herbivore?
A: A tiger can’t change his stripes.

Down in the mouth

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Q: How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow?
A: Down in the mouth !

An ape-ricot Sour

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Q :Which drink makes a Gorilla feel tipsy?
A :An ape-ricot sour!

Policeman in shop

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A policeman in the big city stops a man in a car with a miniature parrot in the front seat. “What are you doing with that parrot?” He exclaimed, “You should take it to the zoo.” The following week, the same policeman sees the same man with the parrot again in the front seat, with both of them wearing sunglasses. The policeman pulls him over. “I thought you were going to take that parrot to the zoo!” The man replied, “I did. We had such a good time we are going to the beach this weekend!”

Lives in an igloo

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Q: What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo?
A: An eskimew!

Feet smell nasty

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Q: Why does a brontosaurus have a long neck?
A: Because it’s feet smell.

Coraka cola

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Q: What do toads drink?
A: Croaka-cola!

If students get wrong concept

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A college student was in a philosophy class, where there was a class discussion about whether or not God exists, The professor had the following logic:

“Has anyone in this class heard God?” Nobody spoke. “Has anyone in this class touched God?” Again, nobody spoke. “Has anyone in this class seen God?”

When nobody spoke for the third time, he simply stated, “Then there is no God.”

student-with-open-book

The student did not like the sound of this at all, and asked for permission to speak. The professor granted it, and the student stood up and asked the following questions of his classmates:

“Has anyone in this class heard our professor’s brain?” Silence.

“Has anyone in this class touched our professor’s brain?” Absolute silence.

“Has anyone in this class seen our professor’s brain?”

When nobody in the class dared to speak, the student concluded, “Then, according to our professor’s logic, it must be true that our professor has no brain!”

The Naked Ape!

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Q :Which book makes prudish Gorillas blush?
A : The Naked Ape!

hamster on Spring break

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Q :Where does a hamster go for Spring Break?
A: Hamsterdam!

Happy polar bears

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Q: What has four legs and a flipper?
A: A happy polar bear!

Eggs-plodes

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Q: What happens when you drop a hand gren-egg?
A: It eggs-plodes!

Chicken go to KFC

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Q: Why did the chicken go to KFC?
A: He wanted to see a chicken strip.

Egg cross the road

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Q: How did the egg cross the road?
A: It scrambled across!

Alligator up on the bar

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A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar and turns to the astonished patrons.

“I’ll make you a deal. I’ll open this alligator’s mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He’ll then open his mouth, and I’ll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.”

The crowd murmurs their approval. The man stands up on the bar, drops his trousers, and places his privates in the alligator’s open mouth. The gator closes his mouth as the crowd gasps. After a minute, the man grabs a beer bottle and raps the alligator hard on the top its head. The gator opens his mouth, and the man removes his genitals, unscathed, as promised. The crowd cheers, and he receives the first of his free drinks.

The man stands up again and makes another offer: “I’ll pay anyone $100 who’s willing to give it a try.”

A hush falls over the crowd. A moment later, a hand goes up in the back of the bar.

“I’ll try,” says a small woman, “but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle.”

Cow walking backwards

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Q: What has four legs and goes Oom, Oom?
A: A cow walking backwards!

BMW is less smarter

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Q: What’s the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?

A: The pricks are on the outside on a porcupine!

Need a Bigger condom

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Q: What did the teenage sharks say when they were having sex?
A: “we’re going to need a bigger condom!”

Bear ate lease

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Q: What did the cowboy say when the bear ate Lassie?
A: “Well, doggone!”

Avagadro have pets?

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Q: Why cant Avogadro have pets.
A: Because he will mole them.

Rude-olph

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Q : Which of Santa’s reindeer has bad manners?
A : “Rude”-olph!

Shellebrity

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Q: What do you call a famous turtle?
A: A shellebrity.

High Bollocks

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Q: What’s the difference between a tractor and a giraffe?
A: One has hydrolics and the other has high bollocks

Reptile works in a farm

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Q: What do you call a reptile that works on a farm?
A: An irri-gator.

Alligator in a vest

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Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A: An Investigator

M.P

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Officer: What Is Your Name?
Candidate: M P. Sir

Officer: Tell Me Properly.
Candidate: Mohan Pal Sir

Officer: Your Father’s Name?
Candidate: M P. Sir

Officer: What Does That Mean?
Candidate: Manmohan Pal Sir

Officer: Your Native Place
Candidate: M P. Sir

Officer: Is It Madhya Pradesh?
Candidate: No, Munnur Pal Sir

Officer: What Is Your Qualification?
Candidate: M P. Sir

Officer: (angrily) What Is It?
Candidate: Metric Pass

Officer: Why Do You Need A Job?
Candidate: M P. Sir

Officer: And What Does That Mean?
Candidate: Money Problem Sir

Officer: Describe Your Personality
Candidate: M P. Sir

interview-desk

Officer: Explain Yourself Clearly
Candidate: Magnanimous Personality Sir

Officer: This Discussion Is Nowhere, You May Go Now.
Candidate: M P. Sir

Officer: What Is It Now
Candidate: My Performance. ..?

Officer: M.P!!!
Candidate: What Is That Sir?

Officer: Mental Problems

Shark Tem-sempra

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Q: What magical spell causes the victim to bleed profusely?
A: Shark-temsempra

Platypus took little wine

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Q: What did the grape say when the platypus stood on it?
A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine!

Beast of the Show

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Q : How did Gertie Gorilla win the beauty contest?
A : She was the beast of the show!

Camel Teaches Llama

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Q: What did the camel say to the llama?
A: Let me teach you how to spit.

Lay an every day

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Q: What does a chicken need to lay an egg every day?
A: Hendurance.

Pain in the ass

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Q: What do you get when a donkey eats a porcupine?
A: A pain in the ass.

Goat hosting the Oscar

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Q :What do you call a goat hosting the Oscars?
A :Billy Crystal.

Cinderelephant

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Q :What’s grey, beautiful and wears glass slippers?
A :Cinderelephant!

school for smell

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Q: Why did Sally bring her skunk to school?
A: For show-and-smell!

blind sparrows

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Q: Where do blind sparrows go for treatment?
A: The Birds Eye counter!

Keep Polar bear for charging

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Q: How do you keep a polar bear from charging?
A: Insist that it pay cash!

Cross platypus

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Q: What do you get when you cross a platypus with a king-sized dinner?

A: A fatty-pus.

Precious book out of cow

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The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn’t believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the cow’s mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!” “Not really,” said the cow. “Your name is written inside the cover.”

cenima lover

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A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a skunk sitting next to him.
“Are you a skunk?” asked the man,
surprised. “Yes.”
“What are you doing at the movies?” The skunk replied,
“Well, I liked the book.”

Llama spirtual leader

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Q: Who is the llama spiritual leader?
A: The Dalai Llama

Dino – sewer

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Q: Who makes dinosaur clothes?
A: dino-sewer.

Open toad sandals

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Q : What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
A : Open toad sandals!

Drinking whole night

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A man and his pet ferret walk into a bar. It’s about 5pm, but they’re ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: “Last call.” So, the man says, “One more for me… and one more for my ferret.” The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the ferret falls over dead. The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. The bartender, yells: “Hey buddy, you can’t just leave that lyin’ there.” To which the man replies: “That’s not a lion, that’s a ferret.”

They were Chicken

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Q: Why didn’t the chicken cross the road?
A: Because they were chicken

Cows listen Piano

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Q: What did the cow say when a person played the piano?
A: That’s good moooooosic.

Liam nelson

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Q: Why did Liam Neeson rescue his daughter?
A: He couldn’t lemur behind.

School kion aatay ho ?

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Teacher: Tum school kyun aate ho?
Student: Vidya ke liye sir!

Student coming school for vidya

Teacher: Phir tum class mein soo kyun rahe ho?
Student: Aaj Vidya nahi aayi hai isliye sir!!!

Shellebration

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Q: What happens when you bring a turtle to a party?
A: It becomes a shellebration.

Dirty double crosser

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Q : What do you call a frog that crosses the road, jumps in a puddle, and crosses the road again?
A :  A dirty double-crosser!

Eid Mubarak with Siwayian

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May Your Plate Of Life Be Always Full Of Sweet Siwaiyan

Topped With The Nuts Of Happiness.

With Best EID WISHES,May You Have A Happy Eid

Devout Cowboy

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The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the savannah. Three weeks later, a Hippopotamus walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn’t believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the Hippos mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!” “Not really,” said the Hippo. “Your name is written inside the cover.”

Things get more Worst

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Q: Polar bear cubs are born wet, naked, and in an icy cave. Then what happens?
A: Things get worse!

Keep their Nuts Dry

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Q: Why do squirrels swin on there back?
A: To keep their nuts dry!

Women need in her life

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Q: What 4 animals does a woman need in her life?
A: A mink on her back, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in her bed and a jackass to pay for it all.

Crocodile attack lawyers

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Q: Why won’t crocodiles attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy!

Turtle During Winter

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Q: What does a turtle do during winter?
A: Sit by the fire and worm himself up.

Cat has trophy

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Q: What is it called when a cat wins a dog show?
A: A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!

Bulfrogs

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Q :What do headmasters and bullfrogs have in common?
A :Both have big heads that consist mostly of mouth!

Bombshell outside

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Q: What do you call the outside of a hand gren-egg?
A: The bombshell!

Hoppercraft

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Q :What do you get if you cross a frog with a ferry?
A :A hoppercraft!

Act like Chestnut

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Q: How do you catch a squirrel with a Katy Perry fixation?
A: Climb a tree and act like a chestnut.

Chicken coop have two doors :D

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Q: Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
A: Because if had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!

Hamster sandwitch

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Q :What’s gray and furry on the inside and white on the outside?
A: A hamster sandwich!

Time to go home

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A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar and orders a double martini on the rocks.

After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini.

Tavern

The bartender says, “Look, buddy, I’ll bring ya’ martinis all night long but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill.”

The customer replies, “I’m peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it’s time to go home.”

Owl with a carrot

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Q: What do you call a Owl with a carrot in each ear?
A: Anything you want as he can’t hear you!

are you mad

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Q : Which reindeer have the shortest legs?
A : The smallest ones!

Airline do Rabbits

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Q: What airline do rabbits use?
A: British Hare-ways!

Playboy mansion

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Q: What do you call a platypus at the playboy mansion?
A: Platypussy

One Tought Nut

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Q: Why couldn’t the squirrel eat the macadamia nut?
A: It was one tough nut to crack.

Dowm in mouth

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Q: How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow?
A: Down in the mouth!

hippcratic Oath

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Q: How do you make sure a hippo is telling you the truth?
A: Make him take the Hippocratic Oath.

Avagadro favourite ice-cream

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Q: What did Avogadro get when he mixed ice cream, chocolate syrup, and milk together?
A: A chocolate Molted

My Tails told

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A papa polar bear, a mama polar bear, and a baby polar bear got stranded on an ice-floe and drifted out to sea. They decided to tell stories to pass the time. Papa told his favorite story about the time he outwitted a hunter. Mama told a story about the time she tricked a seal into coming for lunch. Then Papa turned to the baby bear. “What’s your story, son?” he asked. The baby bear shivered. “My tail’s told!” he replied.

Roaster doo something

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Q: Why did the rooster cross the road?
A: To cockadoodle dooo something!

Owls are Clever then chicken

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Q: How do you know that owls are cleverer than chickens?
A: Have you ever heard of Kentucky-fried owl!

Buy Sharks on wall streets

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Q: Where can you buy sharks on Wall Street?
A: At the shark (stock) market, of course!

Humpty Dumpty

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Q: What is a camels favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpty Dumpty

Catching all the chicken

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Q: What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?
A: He was catching all the chickens!

Try to Comfort his friend

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Q: What did one shark say to try to comfort a friend who had just gotten out of a relationship
A: “its ok there are plenty of other birds in the sky”

lemur learning language

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Q: When does a Lemur go “roarrrr”?
A: When it is learning a new language!

Kong-vict

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Q:What do you get if you cross a gorilla and a prisoner?
A: A Kong-vict!

Dog sits on his chair

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Q: Why wouldn’t the dog sit on his chair?
A: Because he left his sheet[shit] on there.

Blind Dinasaur

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Q: What do you call a blind dinosaur?
A: adoyouthinkhesaurus.

Elephant at North pole

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Q :What do you call an elephant at the North Pole?
A :Lost!

Moo-day

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Q: What do you call a grumpy cow?
A: Moo-dy

Sid Travelling Down

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Sid was travelling down a country road in his native Yorkshire, England when he saw a crowd of people gathering outside a farmhouse.Prize Donkey Joke
It was a cold November afternoon, so he stopped and asked Farmer Ellis why such a large crowd of men was gathered there.
The farmer replied, ‘Jo’s donkey kicked his mother-in-law and she died.’
‘Well, ‘replied the man, ‘She must have had a lot of friends.’
‘Nope, ‘said Farmer Ellis.’ We all just want to buy his donkey.’

lions birhtday party

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A student named Jacob was sitting in class one day and the teacher walked by and he asked her “How do you put an elephant in the fridge?” The teacher said “I don’t know, how?” Jacob then said “You open the door and put it in there!” Then Jacob asked the teacher another question “How do you put a sloth in the fridge?” The teacher then replied “Ohh I know this one, you open the door and put it in there?” Jacob said “No, you open the door, take the elephant out, and then you put it in there.” Then he asked another question…”All the animals went to the lions birthday party, except one animal, which one was it?” The teacher a bit confused and said “The lion?” Then the student said “No,the sloth because he’s still in the fridge.” then he asked her just one more question….”If there is a river full of crocodiles and you wanted to get across it,how would you” The teacher then says “You would walk over the bridge.” Then Jacob says “No, you would swim across because all the crocodiles are at the lions birthday party!” She laughs and walks away.

Crossing the road

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Q: Why did the Raccoon cross the road?
A: To prove to the possum that it could be done!

Solitary sharks

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Q: What do you call a solitary shark
A: A “lone” (loan) shark

Broke the moled

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Q: Why was there only one Avogadro?
A: When they made him, they broke the Moled

Get a horse drunk

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Q: How do you get a horse drunk?
A: Drink him under the stable.

Frog wear Jumpsuit

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Q :What do stylish frogs wear?
A :Jumpsuits!

Hipp-hop

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Q: What’s a hippos favourite kind of music?
A: Hip-hop

Chicken families

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Q: What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon?
A: They go on peck-nics!

Because he has sandy claws

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Q: Why is the desert lion everyone’s favorite at Christmas?
A: Because he has sandy claws!

Bear get so scared

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Q: Why did the bear get so scared?
A: Because he looked in the mirror

Name that Bastard who Pushed my in

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There was once a millionaire who collected a large amount of alligators as pets. One day when he held a party he came up with a proposition. He said if anyone could swim across the alligator infested pool and emerge unharmed he would pay them $1 million or give them his daughter, a supermodel.
Immediately after he finished saying this he heard a splash and the entire crowd watched and cheered as the young man swam quickly across the pool, and emerged unharmed.
The millionaire was amazed but said that he would hold up his end of the bargain.
“Well”, he said,”do you want the $1 million or my daughter? The young man answered, “Sir, I don’t want your money or your daughter, I just want to know who the hell bastard pushed me into that pool.”

Choclate melodt

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Q: What did Avogadro get when he mixed ice cream, chocolate syrup, and milk together?
A: A chocolate Moledt

Koala’s so Sleepy

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Q: Why are koala’s so sleepy?
A: Because you just got to be tired being so darn cute all day!

Gallery of Cows

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Q: What do you find a gallery of cows?
A: The mooseum.

English Proficiency test for bihari

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Both Lalu Yadav and Rabri Devi are asked to take an English Proficiency Test. First Lalu is taken inside the interview room. The interviewer hangs the letter “M” in front of him and asks what does it mean. After giving a long enough thought Lalu Yadav answers.. “Ee M hai.. M mani Moder.. Moder maani hammar mai”(This is M. M means mother. Mother means my mother) .When Lalu comes out of the interview Rabri asks him about his experience. Lalu Yadav described the process as it happened.
However, in Rabri’s interview the interviewer hangs “W” instead of “M”.Rabri is totally clueless about what it means.. About an hour passes and suddenly it strikes to her and she shouts.. “Arey ee to Lalua ke mai ko ulta taang delkau re. Jaldi seedha kar na to muat jayi.”

Dark horse

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Q: What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?
A: Kitty Perry

Seal in each Paw

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Q: What’s a balanced diet for a polar bear?
A: A seal in each paw!

So rude ji je

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Preeto : ji je me mount everest te chad javan taan tusi mainu ki doge?
Santa : puchan wali kehdi gal hai “dhakaa”

Horrible dream of my life

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Q: What do you call a dream in which polar bears are attacking you?
A: A bitemare!

Zebra and Micheal Jackson

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Q: What does a zebra and michael jackson have in common?
A: They can’t decide whether to be black or white!

Milk of Amnesia

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Q: What kind of milk comes from a forgetful cow?
A: Milk of Amnesia

TASHAN running successfully

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The size zero queen’s movie is running successfully, don’t believe me.
See….
……………….
…………….
……………..
………..
……..
…….
…..
….
…..
…..
…..


..
….
..
..
..
..

tashan running successfully

Gorilla Favourite President

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Q :Who is the Gorillas’ favourite President of recent years?
A : Hairy Truman!

Orson welles

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Q: What was the sharks favorite Orson Welles movie
A: Citizen Kane-i-kokala

Turtle Neck

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Q: What do you get if cross a Turtle with a Giraffe?
A: A Turtle-Neck

Owl you need love is

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Q: What is a birds favorite Beatles song?
A: Owl you need is love.

Cows when sick

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Q: What do cows get when they are sick?
A: Hay Fever

Lick his own dick

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Q: Why does a dog lick his own dick?
A: Because he cant make a fist

Walnut Beat That

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Q: What did the bird say to the racing squirrel?
A: You walnut beat that!

cows have horns

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Q: Why is the barn so noisy?
A: Because all of the cows have horns.

Compliment a Donkey

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Q: How do you compliment a donkey?
A: “Hey, nice ass!”

Without a fishing pole

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Q: How do you catch a fish without a fishing pole?
A: With your BEAR hands.

The Green mole

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Q: What is a mole’s favorite movie?
A: The Green Mole

It really stinks

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Q: Have you heard the skunk joke?
A: You don’t want to; it really stinks!

Monkey like the banana

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Q: Why did the monkey like the banana?
A: Because it had appeal

Dog went to flea circus

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Q: What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?
A: He stole the show!

Gorilla Float

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Q : How do you make a Gorilla float?
A: Two scoops of ice cream, some club soda and a very tasty Gorilla!

What happens at Sunday morning at 11?

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This case happened in a hospital’s Intensive care ward where Patients always died in the same bed and on all Sunday morning at 11a.m, regardless of their medical condition.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths took place at 11 AM.

So a world-wide expert team was constituted and they decided to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents. So on the next Sunday morning few minutes before 11 a.m. all doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves
what the terrible phenomenon was all about
.

Doctors

Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off evil……..
Just when the Clock struck 11…

And then……

then…..

then……..

sweeper

Santa Singh, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward, unplugged the life support system and plugged in the vacuum cleaner.

Pandas like old movie

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Q: Why do pandas like old movies?
A: Because they’re in black and white.

The meet Market

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Q: Where do cows get together?
A: The meet market.

Pet ferret

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A guy brings a ferret home , tells his wife it’s a pet. She asks , “Where are you going to keep it?” He repies , “In the bedroom.” “But what about that horrible nasty smell?’ , she asks. “I got used to you , I’m sure he will too!”

Ho-mo-sexual

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Q: Did you hear about the cow that wasn’t interested in bulls?
A: She was an Ho-Moo-Sexual.

Shark favourite Chraracter

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Q: Who was the sharks favorite character on NBC’s “The Office”
A: Michael Shark

Speak to his foot

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Q: Why didn’t the dog speak to his foot?
A: Because it’s not polite to talk back to your paw!

Call a Polar bear

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Q: What do you call a polar bear wearing earmuffs?
A: Call it anything you want – it can’t hear you.

Mathematician wants to become fireman

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One day a mathematician decides that he is sick of math. So, he walks down to the fire department and announces that he wants to become a fireman.

The fire chief says, “Well, you look like a good guy. I’d be glad to hire you, but first I have to give you a little test.”

Fire-man

The fire chief takes the mathematician to the alley behind the fire department which contains a dumpster, a spigot, and a hose. The chief then says, “OK, you’re walking in the alley and you see the dumpster here is on fire. What do you do?”

European Squirell

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Q: How do you catch a European Squirrel?
A: Climb a tree and act like a metric nut.

Reindeer wearing ear muffs

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Q : What do you call a reindeer wearing ear muffs?
A : Anything you want because he can’t hear you!